A job application


This is how I used to read the help wanted ads:

“Wanted to fill immediate position: devout, perfect Christian for full-time service. Must be well kept in demeanor and stature. Must uphold ALL 10 Commandments and be able to recite them when asked. Should be able to quote scripture verses at any and all applicable situations. Would prefer candidate who is judgmental and critical; pious living is necessary.
The ideal candidate will have accumulated a lifetime of training in all things godly. Any tarnished history should be entirely removed. Mistakes or accidents will not be tolerated. Republican a plus. Please apply in person (wear your Sunday best!) at local churches in town.

It may appear as if I am exaggerating with the above statements; but I assure you, the exaggeration is minimal. Before I sold out my life to the Lord, I truly saw things this way. Because I was afraid of being exposed as a fraud, I have made some errors.

Because I was afraid of being lonely again, I decided to make it my mission to know as many people as possible at church. I did not want to be a loner or a loser in life any longer, so I became a politician instead.

Because I was afraid of failure, I decided to strive for perfection. I wanted everything to go perfectly in my life of service for the Lord, so I pushed myself to the brink of breakdown.

Because I was afraid of being called a phony, I became as involved as possible with ministries: many of them. I wanted to be validated as a Christian, so I spread myself as thin as possible.

Because I was afraid of losing God’s love, I tried to never sin. I wanted Him to love me, and when I failed at my attempts of a sinless life, I assumed I lost His love.

Because I was afraid of my past, I tried to figure out everything I was against. I wanted to set up safeguards to avoid temptation, so I prohibited everything and everyone who was not perfect and holy. In my opinion anyway.

Because I had made so many mistakes in my life before Christ, I tried to become pious and perfect. I wanted to change my life 180º, so I became a hypocrite.

I did do some things right however:

Because I thought my story could help others, I decided to become completely transparent. If you think I am being too hard on myself, do not feel too badly for me. Today’s blog is still to help others. I know other people see Christians the way I described them in the help wanted ad. I want you to know that sometimes Christians seem uptight and judgmental because we are scared. We forget that we have all fallen short of the glory of God (see Romans 3.23) and we begin to think we have it all together. I am transparent in who I am and where I have been because for me, there is no other way to live.

How the real Help Wanted ad appears:

“…I am with you/to rescue and save you, declares the Lord. I will save you from the hands of the wicked and redeem you from the grasp of the cruel.” (Jeremiah 15.20.b-21)
“I said, ‘you are my servant’; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41.9-10)
“I tell you the truth; whoever hears my word and believes Him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned…” (Jesus in John 5.24)
“Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.” (Jesus in John 12.26)
“You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit-fruit that will last.” (Jesus in John 15.16)

It seems that this help wanted ad read differently than the one my head was telling me. The truth is that Jesus wants us exactly as we are. He made us, He knows us, and there are no surprises to Him. The most liberating part of this message is that God does not need us! I am not in a hurry to get myself cleaned up so I do not let Him down. Rather, I rest in Him; learning who He is and who I truly am in Him. And that is a job that lasts an eternity. Think about it.

unshaken


There is no time for songs this week brothers and sisters. Once again, a Christian has proved that the dark side can overcome good. I was watching a television show a little while ago. There was a debate of some sort; the man said the only group of people who are still a target for ridicule is the morbidly obese. The other man said, “No, you can still ridicule Christians too.” I wondered why he would have to say something like that, and then I realized he was right. And when scandals erupt, it only gets worse. So why would someone want to be a Christian anyway?

“…I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious-the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse….Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.” Philippians 4.8-9

I am a Christian because He saved me. It does not have to do with any preachers, any person. There is one thing that matters in the end; and that is the Cross. When I came to the Cross-, everything changed. Sure, being ridiculed hurts sometimes. My daughter told me today how hard it is in recess. She is in fourth grade, and most of the kids say ‘Oh my God,' and it bothers her. What can I tell her but to be strong?

I do not live this life for anyone else but Christ. I struggle with my thorns, do not get me wrong. I have to be aware that I carry the sin of pride. I need to be sure that my actions are for Jesus, not me. I strive more and more each day to die to myself.

What does that mean? “This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike ‘What’s next, Papa?’ God’s spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who He is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what’s coming to us-an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with Him, then we’re certainly going to go through the good times with Him!” Romans 8.15-17

When I became the Lord’s I ditched my old way of living for His way of living. I remove myself from the driver’s seat (I sucked at driving this life anyway) and He is taking over. It may sound strange, but it is really a huge relief.

If you are living a life that is heavy to carry around; if the stress is gnawing at the back of your head, then you need to read my words and think about this: Christ wants to carry your burdens. He wants you to lay all your junk, all your crap, at the Cross and leave it there.

Read this and let the words touch your heart, as they are meant to do.

“Since we’ve compiled this long and sorry record as sinners and proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God will for us, God did it for us. Out of sheer generosity He put us in right standing with Himself. A pure gift. He got us out of the mess we’re in and restored us to where he always wanted us to be. And He did it by means of Jesus Christ. Romans 3.23-24

See, this is not about any Christian who makes a mistake and sins. My faith is not shaken because people fall from grace. Your eyes need to be on the one who is in control. No, you never become a sinless person, that is impossible in this life. We will sin, it is inevitable. The decision then is to confess and keep right on going, with your eyes on the Cross. Do not pay any attention to what the world has to say about Christianity. He is real, He is in charge, and He does want you to love Him. More than that, He wants to love you. Even with all your mistakes, your scars, and your pain. Think about it.

Chris Tomlin - Indescribable
From the album Arriving

From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea,
Creation's revealing Your majesty.
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring,
Every creature unique in the song that it sings. All exclaiming...
(Chorus)
Indescribable, Uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God.
All powerful, Untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees and we humbly proclaim,
You are amazing God.
Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go,
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow?
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light,
Yet conceals it to give us the coolness of night?
None can fathom...
(Chorus)
Incomparable, Unchangeable,
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same.
You are amazing God.



“Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday dear Lisa,
Happy Birthday to you.”

Last Monday was my birthday. We will not go into the age I turned. I like to tell people it is my birthday. It’s actually quite amazing how I can work it into almost any conversation. I love hearing “Happy Birthday” and I guess I like to get gifts too.
My kids made me cards for my birthday. They included a dollar in each card and refused to take it back. I thought that was precious. I guess we must be doing something right with those kids. They have Jesus in their hearts, and they are becoming givers rather than receivers. I am blessed just to be in their presence.
See, my children are a present from God. He decided we could take care of them, and He wrote them into our lives. I am saddened for the days my children spent without hearing of Jesus, but I have to let that go. God knew that would happen. “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” (Psalm 139.16)
This leads me to my thought for today. Why do I make my birthday such a big deal? Why do I want everyone to know so they can celebrate with me? Hold on; I have a theory!
I think we are born with an inner knowledge of God. I believe I am excited about the day I was born because God is excited about the day I was born! As a matter of fact, He says it in His word. Look- “The Lord you God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” (Zephaniah 3.17)
Here’s another one: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.” (Isaiah 43.1) It’s cool when you think about it. You have to believe that God is telling the truth and that He really does know you. Individually. He is madly in love with you, and there is no sin or no faults that can stop Him from loving you. “Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give me in exchange for you, and people in exchange for you life. Do not be afraid for I am with you.” God in Isaiah 43.4-5)
Who says that and doesn’t mean it? It gives me reason to explore further. And when I do, I find Jesus, dying for the world. Dying to give the people on earth the choice to live forever. “My [children] listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.” –Jesus in John 10.27-28
I have always enjoyed my birthday and I like other people to share in my joy. I know that my joy comes from God. He finds delight with me; why would he not celebrate my birthday too?
And just think; he celebrates your birthday too. think about it.

Praise to the Lord – Rich Mullins
Sing your praise to the Lord
Come on everybody
Stand up and sing one more hallelujah
Sing your praise to the Lord
I could never tell you just how much
Good that it's gonna do you
Just to sing

Anew
The song your heart learned to sing
When He first gave His life to you
Well life goes on and so must the song
You gotta sing again the song born in your soul when
You first gave your heart to Him
Sing His praises once more

Sing your praise to the Lord
Come on everybody
Stand up and sing one more hallelujah
Sing your praise to the Lord
I could never tell you just how much
Good that it's gonna do you
Just to sing

Aloud the song that someone is dying
To hear down in the madding crowd
That you once were before you heard the song
You gotta let them know the truth
Is a light to shine upon the way that maybe they could go
And sing His praises once more

Sing your praise to the Lord
Come on everybody
Stand up and sing one more hallelujah
Sing your praise to the Lord
I could never tell you just how much
Good that it's gonna do you
Just to sing
Your praises to the Lord
And everybody sing
Your praises to the Lord

From the rising of the sun
To the place where it sets
The name of the Lord is to be praised
The Lord is exalted over all the nations
His glory above the heavens
Who is like the Lord our God
The One who sits enthroned on high
He who stoops to look down upon
Down upon this earth and its sky

And that is why you gotta sing
Sing your praise to the Lord
Come on everybody
Stand up and sing one more hallelujah
Sing your praise to the Lord
I could never tell you just how much
Good that it's gonna do you

Just to let the name of the Lord
Be praised both for now and ever more
Praise him oh ye servants

I have a tough time staying still these days. When I sit in silence, I find myself thinking about the many things I ought to be accomplishing. At any given moment, I can compile a mental list of chores I need to accomplish, papers I should be writing and people I should be spending time with.
I have an even tougher time when I write my blog, or do freelance writing, because I have to check my email, or I have to do some ‘quick’ research. Therefore, in the spirit of said research, I have some statistics for you… crunch these numbers.
These are numbers from a recently conducted internet usage study. The survey found that 68.9 percent of respondents were regular Internet users and 13.7 percent found it hard to stay offline for several days at a time.
It found 12.4 percent often stayed online longer than intended, more than 12 percent said they saw a need to cut back on their Internet use, and 8.7 percent tried to conceal "non-essential" Internet use from family, friends and employers. A smaller number, 8.2 percent, said they use the Internet to escape problems or a bad mood, while 5.9 percent felt their relationships suffered because of excessive Internet use.
I do not believe that I have an internet addiction. Yes, I check my email everyday, but that is because I have necessary correspondence coming in. However, I never try to hide my usage from family. I keep everything out in the open, and I do my best to make sure my computer time never takes away from my family time.

I believe that God wants more. In Psalm 46 and verse 10, God tells us to ‘be still and know that I am God.’ What is even more fascinating is what God means by be still. In Latin, the term ‘be still’ translates to ‘vacate.’ That would be the root of the word vacation. Either way you look at it, God wants us to put down the reigns and move out of the way.
In Hebrew, the term ‘be still’ is a command telling us to remember who we are, and remember who God is in relation to the world. God is not ever going to attempt to vie for our time. Our faith and our strength come not from depending on our own power, but rather from trusting in His ultimate power and wisdom.
Funny thing is, when I listen to His sage advice, when I quit holding on to life so tightly, my life gets so much better. I can be caught up in talk radio and news programs, listening to North Korea amass bombs and Iran spout hatred. Then I inevitably start this downward spiral of negativity.
Now I would never suggest burying my face in the sand a la an ostrich, but I need to remind myself that God has a plan and a desire for the world and I cannot run this world no matter how hard I try. Sometimes it is better that I just ‘let go and let God.’
And so I reflect back on this Rich Mullins song. He had something there, didn’t he? When I become still and when I reflect my praise back where it truly belongs, I become the one more relaxed. I become the one who reflects her Creator, and what I was made for. And to that, I say Hallelujah!

brush

Screaming Trees-Shadow of the Season

The hour is ending, can’t you see
There is no way now, to get free
In the shadow of the season

Without a reason, to carry on
Without a reason, without a reason

And from the north woods
Down to the valley
In a world of hurting,
I’m moving on
And from the lighthouse
Out on the ocean
Can’t climb the mountain, so very tall

Said Lord please give me what I need
He said there’s pain and misery
Oh sweet oblivion feels alright

The hour is drawing ever closer
And rolling over, won’t let me be
In the shadow of the season
To find a reason, to carry on

Said Lord please give me what I need
He said there’s pain and misery
Oh sweet oblivion

She calls me onward to her side
And feels her song deep inside
And find a reason

In the shadow of the season
To find a reason to carry on
In the shadow of the season
To find a reason to carry on
Find a reason to carry on
To carry on
To find a reason to carry on
To carry on

Oblivion-the state of being completely forgotten. That is what my handy dictionary says anyway.
This is not a Christian song. This is from a band I loved during my college years. Still do, actually. It is one of the few bands I retained when I became a Christian. I listened to some rather intense rock, and it was very angry. This band has such an incredible sound that they are hard to give up. I have the pleasure of listening to the CD while I write this. It brings back memories.
I tried to walk a straight path in college. I studied, and I excelled in everything I did. However, something was still missing, and nothing could help me avoid the empty space inside me. I found my initial release in a little music store down the road from my dorm. The first time I walked in there, I thought I was in music heaven. They sold used tapes, and for a college girl, the price was right. It allowed me to find new music I might not have otherwise.
This CD makes me thing of something else though; about the invisible wounds that are walking right past us all the time. I loved this song, I look at the lyrics now, and I think about how many of us have felt the same at one time or another. Why did I love this tape? The answer is because I could relate. The songwriter asks the Lord for what he needs and the Lord’s reply is that there’s nothing but pain and misery.
What’s not to believe in that statement? I have certainly experienced more than my share of pain and misery in my life. I have accumulated wounds from myself and wounds from others. How can we find a way to carry on?
My invisible wound is my childhood. I was abused both physically and mentally for most of my youth. It doesn’t disappear with time. It comes back in the oddest of times; when I am trying to relate to a friend, or when someone is going through remorse; with both situations, I freeze up. Some of my emotions and reactions to life have been damaged and that is something that I have to deal with in my life.
But is the answer to seek oblivion? Is the answer to blame God for misery and wallow in it until the end? Is the answer to fill the wound with drugs, sex and alcohol? Is the answer to achieve the American Dream and hide behind it? None of those helped me to permanently escape.
The sweetest paradox to Christianity for me is undeserved forgiveness. I went through my life not deserving the abuse I was handed. My life dragged on day after day, and it was hard to see the end. So, now this Christianity appears on the scene and I find out that I do not deserve anything.
Ah, but thankfully it does not end there. It turns out Jesus wants to give me forgiveness, and mercy and eternal life. I do not have to choose oblivion. God does not hand me pain and misery. Life is not all roses, but it is certainly not oblivion.
I am not angry. Instead, I feel release, peace. What is temporary trouble when eternity is right around the corner?
I think I will leave the ending up to Paul tonight. How about 2 Corinthians 5.16-20

“…We don’t evaluate people by what they have or how they look, we looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly do not look at him that way anymore. Now we look inside and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone, a new life burgeons! Look at it. All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between him and us. And then called us to sell our relationships with teach other. God put the world square with Himself through the Messiah, giving the world’s fresh state by offering forgiveness of sin”

How can I stay angry when Jesus offers to take the pain upon Himself? How can I remain oblivious to the truth? How can you? Think about it.

rescue me

Rescue is Coming-David Crowder Band

There’s darkness in my skin
My cover’s wearing thin, I believe
I’d love to start again, go back to innocent, and never leave

Don’t give up now
A break in the clouds
We could be found

There’s nothing wrong with me
It’s just that I believe things could get better
And there’s nothing wrong with love
I think it’s just enough to believe

Rescue is coming
Rescue is coming
Rescue is coming
Rescue is coming

And there’s nothing wrong with you and nothing left to do
But believe something bigger
And there’s nothing wrong with love
I know it’s just enough to believe

Don’t give up now
A break in the clouds
We will be found

Rescue is coming now

Well, here we are, week whatever of my song lyrics series. I am still enjoying this immensely, and I hope you are too! I think I will continue doing this series for a while yet. I just wish I had a more varied selection of artists for your consideration. What can I say? When I like something, I like it.

I do not plan my writing in advance. I wait for God’s inspiration before I sit down here to type this. Subsequently, I sometimes am a day or two late. But I have found I cannot contrive an article based on a forced topic. When I hear the thing on which I should write, I know it immediately. And lately, I then look for a song that I think best reflects the tone.

This latest inspiration came from a Dateline special on Tuesday. I was planning on writing after I saw the show, I was just so emotionally and spiritually drained after it ended, I could do nothing but sleep.

I have been seeing a counselor at my church. We have been dealing with so many issues. One such issue that came screaming to the forefront last week was sexuality. My therapist believes that at some point in my teenage years, I went ‘dead.’ What that means in my life is that I no longer allowed anyone to detect any vulnerability lurking inside of me. It was at that point in my life when I started defining myself as a sexual being.

This is difficult to write these words tonight. See-my therapist gave me a homework assignment; to define my identity as said sexual being and describe what that meant for my life.

Well, what better avenue on which to do my homework than live on the internet, sharing it with you? In all honesty, I started this blog to be honest with people struggling to understand Christianity in the 21st century. Therefore, if a subject finds relevance in my life, it may as well in yours.

It was when I went dead that I separated love and sex. For my being, sex was a natural instinct, much as the animals possess. Sex was a means to an end, and in no way was connected to love. I defined myself as a sexual being. Sex was for enjoyment, and I was able to detach myself from any emotions other than pleasure.

I have to supply one example to demonstrate the depth of my reality. I lost my virginity to a stranger. I remembered hearing all these disgusting sob stories from women who gave up their most precious gift to who they thought would be The One; only to find him not returning her calls or telling all his friends about the wild time he had last night. Nope, I was not having any of it. I would get it over with; I would give it to someone anonymous and be able to move on in freedom.

Little did I know. I never saw the day that I would be rescued from Hell and brought to life. But here I am. How can I ever forgive myself; how can I reconcile who I was with who I am?

Here comes the Dateline episode. They are doing this series called “The Outsiders.” It is about people who choose to live their lives outside the ‘normal’ range. This particular show was about the sexual fringes.

There were swingers, strippers and asexuals. There was also a segment on kissing cousins, but that may be for a later article. The real issue on the program for me was the swingers. I used to think that sounded like fun. They certainly shared my beliefs that sex was just sex. In fact, one man said my exact words on television last night. He was asked if swinging was cheating. His answer? “Sex is sex. Not love.” He also went on to say that swinging actually strengthened marriages not destroyed them.

Oh God, if that were true then where would You fit in?

“You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” – 1 Corinthians 6.19.20

Thank you God that You would answer me with ultimate assurance that I am indeed washed clean. I am wholly restored; again new.

“All of us also lived among [the disobedient] at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions-it is by grace that you have been saved.” – Ephesians 2.3-5

Go back and read those lyrics again. They're for all of us. Think about it.

"Meant To Live"-by Switchfoot

Fumbling his confidence
And wondering why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he's bent for more than arguments
And failed attempts to fly, fly

[Chorus]
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside

Dreaming about Providence
And whether mice or men have second tries
Maybe we've been livin with our eyes half open
Maybe we're bent and broken, broken

[Chorus]
We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life, yeah
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more

Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live
We were meant to live




If you get a chance to hear this song, I think you would enjoy it. Switchfoot is sort of a younger band-they appeal to youth. However, I think they have a nice sound and a great message.

I picked this song because of a conversation I had yesterday with my mentor. I wish there were words to describe her. She is a gift from God. If you take the chance and become born again in Christ, He provides people to walk with you and essentially help raise you in Christ.

Well, my mentor has become like a mother and a best friend and a sister all wrapped up in one package. She listens to my fears, my problems, and my hopes. She helps to answer questions I have. And she does all of this without any judgment. Occasionally she will reprimand me, but it is when I really need it. Her life is similar to mine, and I can tell her anything.

So, we were having a conversation yesterday on the phone. She called, not realizing it was my first day of graduate school. I was feeling nostalgic because I was going back to the school where I learned how to walk with Christ. I went to school not knowing how to read the Bible, not understanding anything really. But I met these extraordinary people who helped raise me.

Eventually we grow up, and then we help others. We are a family; and we should accept each other’s differences with love. We are all sinners who fall short of the glory of God.

Anyway, back to the conversation. She called and my heart was overflowing with emotion; love and sorrow mixed. Sorrow only because I missed the past. But God called me to return to school because my passion is reaching out to the world, and I need more training.

When I was talking to my mentor, we started discussing what passions the Lord gave us. I started talking about my passion for reaching out to others and I started on fire. I need to world to know that the church is not full of perfect people. We are messed up, we have troubles in our marriages, we yell at our kids on the way to church sometimes.

But Jesus forgives all that-He wipes the slate clean because He loves us. He didn’t come for perfect people, but for the rest of us. With all our differences.

When I was talking about this I said, “I want to reach the people outside the church, not throw parties for those who are already inside.” I know there’s a place in the church to love and nourish the souls of the saved, but that’s not where I belong.

Well, here is what I think is the cool part. The Lord let me to read Matthew last night. And I found the most amazing thing. A passage I had never read before. I am going to write it out in both The Message Bible and the NIV Bible. God truly is in charge and he truly wants you.

“Who needs a doctor: the healthy or the sick? Go figure out what this Scripture means: ‘I’m after mercy, not religion.’ I’m here to invite outsiders, not coddle insiders.” –Jesus in Matthew 9.12-13

“It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”-Jesus in Matthew 9.12-13

Think about it.

and He set me on fire

And He set me on fire, and I am burning alive
With His breath in my lungs I am coming undone
And I cannot hold it in and remain composed
Love’s taken over me and so I propose the letting myself go
I am letting myself go

You are my joy
You are my joy
You are my joy
You are my joy

I need to catch my breath, I need to
I need to catch my breath, give me a moment now
I’m laughing so hard

-You Are My Joy, David Crowder Band

I AM SO DIGGING THIS SERIES ON SONG LYRICS!!!

If you have missed any, or you are just coming along on this ride, go back and check out the rest of the series.

Songs have a lot to say. Okay-some more than others. Even in the realm of Christian music, there are songs that make me change the channel and ponder the world for a while. But then there are songs that make my pulse quicken and my heart to beat louder. There are songs that make me realize that God is RIGHT HERE.

This song is one of them. The David Crowder Band is one of my favorite bands. The first time in heard them was in a college worship service put on by the traditional students. I, being a non-traditional student, was introduced to a new band of epic proportion.

I bought their CD and inserted it in my car’s player. I was truly shocked at first. Here was this man singing these intimate, vulnerable love songs to Jesus. I had never heard this much naked passion before.

Let’s look at the lyrics above. I want to take apart each line, because I need you to see what he’s saying, and where those of us that are sold out to Jesus are coming from.

“And He set me on fire, and I am burning alive,” For me, this is not an exaggeration. When I met Jesus, my whole life was completely changed. I used to live for nothing. Not my husband and not even my children. I was alone. I was an alcoholic and a drug addict and I did not care. But when I met my Savior, and He redeemed me, my life was truly set on fire. It’s been four years since our collision and I never stop thinking about God. He incorporates my thoughts. I am on fire, and it’s that fire that propels me to write this blog and to go out into my community and tell others.
“With His breath in my lungs I am coming undone.” I was devastated when I found out that it was truly His breath in my lungs. What a cosmic, eternal thought to ponder. Each breath is from Him. But this lyric also means something else for me. Something Jesus said resounds in my heart; “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.” Luke 9.24 If you think your life is the beginning and the end, and you are striving to ‘have it all’ then you are chasing after the wrong prize. If you lose your life; if you turn it over to the One who gave you the breath to live in the first place; then you will live forever. Think about it this way; for His children, this life is only a moment in time.

“And I cannot hold it in and remain composed.” When my life was overtaken, taken over, I was wrecked for Jesus. My old life means nothing to me-my house, my van; sure, they’re nice to have, but they're not what control me. I am sold out, to tell you the truth. I cannot remain composed either. My joy, my passion overflows in my heart. Don’t get me wrong, my life’s not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. We struggle financially. We still have our disagreements. But that never changes the Truth. That’s the ultimate beauty of the Lord-despite my situation, He never changes. He’s not a slot machine. You can’t put in the prayer and expect all your wishes granted. But He’s always present and He always fills you with joy and a sense of contentment that this world cannot give you.

“Love’s taken over me and so I propose the letting myself go. I am letting myself go”
This is what I’ve been writing to you-trying to tell you what this crazy Jesus thing is all about. I am head over heels in love with my Savior. I want you to mull over the word ‘redeemer.’ My handy dictionary says, ‘to get back full possession, to save from being a total failure.’ Jesus Christ came and died to get back full possession of me from the ruin I was heading toward. I am releasing control of my life because the love is overwhelming.

“You are my joy.” Well said David Crowder. He is my joy.

“If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him." -Jesus

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” –Paul

what a fool

Let mercy lead
Let love be the strength in your legs
And in every footprint that you leave
There'll be a drop of grace
If we can reach
Beyond the wisdom of this age
Into the foolishness of God
That foolishness will save
Those who believe
Although their foolish hearts may break
They will find peace
And I'll meet you in that place
Where mercy leads

-Rich Mullins, “Let Mercy Lead”


I am really starting to dig this song lyrics series. Worshipping Jesus through music is really something that works for me. I hope you are enjoying it as well.

Let’s start with some definitions today. I know they help me to grasp what biblical writers were truly trying to say. It also helps me to understand words that seem foreign to me really mean. Like fool. Why would anyone call God a fool? When I read the definition below, I begin to understand.

Mercy: a blessing that is an act of divine favor or compassion, compassionate treatment of those in distress.

Fool: one with a marked propensity or fondness for something

I love this song. When I first heard it, I was seriously confused. I had never heard anyone mention God’s foolishness. Furthermore, I did not know what it was. How could God be foolish? How could I be foolish?

Those were things I used to think. Now, foolishness is a beautiful word to me. While I write this, I am searching for the words that can explain what foolishness means to me. Forgive me if I seem vague. I want so much to tell you how wonderful the foolishness of God and His children can really be.

Foolishness. To send your only Son to earth to die. Not only to die, but to be beaten before and sent to Hell afterward.

Foolishness. To love people who turn away from You. To be willing to forgive sin, wipe away our pasts; if we are only willing.
Foolishness. To be eternally optimistic. To shine down on us. To smile down on us.

Our lives in Christ require a foolish God who has much mercy for us. I am an example of a person who needs many second chances. Why does He love me? Why is He after my heart?

The answer. Because He is. Because He is truly a God of love. We make the choice to follow when He calls. And when we turn our faces to Him, He is in love with us.

So, if I know that God is foolishly in love with me, what is my response? Do I approach Christianity with logic and direction? Is there a formula to follow? And, after I decide to love Him too, how shall I do that?

Let me quote something I found in my devotional I read. Perhaps it can explain it better.

“…rid yourself before God of everything that might be considered a possession until you are a mere conscious human being standing before Him, and then give God that. That is where the battle is truly fought-in the realm of your will before God. Are you more devoted to your idea of what Jesus wants than to Jesus Himself?”-Oswald Chambers

Foolishness. The decision to give up everything that the world deems necessary. A house, a car, possessions. What a foolish idea-giving up the American dream!

Foolishness. Stripping down your life until you are bare before Christ. Not even having a care of where He will take you. Trusting enough in this mercy so that you lay your life in His hands, knowing it will be good.

Foolishness. Caring about the world as much as He does. Feeding the poor, washing the dirty, loving the loveless. Abandoning fear and apprehension and jumping in. Tasting and seeing that the Lord is good.

“Although their foolish hearts may break-they will find peace.”

I cannot lie and say that this is easy. I struggle so much. I want to give myself to Jesus but I want to be in charge. I want to make sure my work for Him is important (in my standards) and that people notice what I am doing. That’s foolish in the traditional sense. My worth is not measured by human standards. It is measured by God’s foolishness.

And so is yours. Think about it.

at the cross we remember

So, we pick up where we left off last week. I started this week feeling lost and alone. I did not have an answer to the question I posed last week; which was, “How can we handle our lives knowing Jesus is truly right beside us?”
Well, after talking with friends and counselors, I believe with my whole being that it comes down to this:

Jeremy Riddle - Sweetly Broken
From the album Sweetly Broken
To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing
For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is loveAnd God is just

Chorus:
At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified
You’ve called me out of death
You’ve called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I’m reconciled

Chorus:
In awe of the cross I must confessHow wondrous Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness(2x’s)Chorus:
Label: Vineyard Music

That’s it. I have to cling to the cross and never let go. See, I kept trying to find the “secret” that would give me the faith to keep going. To believe all of this Christianity stuff was really worth something.

My heart knows the truth. My heart remembers what Jesus has done for me. how He pulled me out of a life of misery. How He saved me from myself-when I didn’t even realize what a disaster my life had become.
But my head wants to argue. My whole life people have let me down, turned away. I couldn’t stand the idea that God would grow tired of me and move on to someone better.

But when I come to the Cross; when I come to the place where precious blood was literally poured out for us; I can not longer argue.

I have to let the Cross speak for itself. I cannot give words to the price Jesus paid for us. How He wants to gather His children and spend eternity with us. So He lent Himself to torture and death; knowing the victory would be ours in the end.

So, I end this story with the chorus of another song. Consider it a bonus. If you ever search out a song, please listen to this one. It’s by Robin Mark and it’s called, “Wonder of Your Cross.” He sings these lyrics like a lullaby-like an offering.

The cross, O the wonderful cross
What Glory, what victory, I've found
I'll come to the wonderful cross
And my whole life I lay down

sometimes we forget

Well, sometimes my life just don't make sense at all
When the mountains look so big
And my faith just seems so small

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

And I wake up in the night and feel the dark
It's so hot inside my soul
I swear there must be blisters on my heart

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want
Than to take what You give that I need
And I've beat my head against so many walls
Now I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees

And this Salvation Army band is playing this hymn
And Your grace rings out so deep
It makes my resistance seem so thin

I'm singing hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

-Rich Mullins, “Hold me Jesus”


Sorry, another long song. Please take the time to read it all. I needed to give you the whole song because it makes so much sense to me. I actually was going to give you another song, but the Lord led me to this one. It works.

Sometimes I forget. God has presenting Himself so many times in my life, but here I sit waiting for more. I listen to songs about Jesus, I work at a church, and sometimes I still forget. Things we cannot see can sometimes lose out to our life that actually is playing out all around us.

When I am tempted by pornography, or I think back to my chemically induced haze, I feel like I am lost all over again. And I forget.

But take heart dear soul, because I am not the only one to forget. If you take your handy Bible and you look through some of the first stories, you find some people who forgot big time. I will show you a few.

Let us set up the story. Moses has been told to lead God’s people, the Israelites, out of Egypt and into their promised land. Remember that in Egypt, these people were slaves, and they were not treated very nice at all.

Ok. So Moses is leading them out. God has a great big helping hand in this endeavor. Let’s look at a couple of examples of God in this adventure. They’re walking through the desert and-

“By day the Lord went ahead of them on their way in a pillar of cloud to guide them and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so that they could travel by day or night.”-Exodus 13.21-22
Imagine God in front of you like that. Could you forget it?

Here is another one. This time, the Egyptians want their slaves back so they start chasing Moses and his followers. They reach the sea and panic. Maybe you have heard of Moses parting the red sea. Here is how it is portrayed in the Bible-

“Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea and all that night the Lord drove the sea back with a strong east wind and turned it into dry land.” Exodus 14.21-22 imagine that, walking through the sea, it raging on either side of you. Could you forget?

One more. The people are grumbling that they had it better off in Egypt. They are hungry. So what does God do?

“I will rain down bread from heaven for you.” Says God.

What luck. These people knew that the Lord loved them. How could they not? It was evident every day that God was front and center, loving them, feeding them, guiding them. Could you forget?

“…the Israelites quarreled and because they tested the Lord saying, Is the Lord among us or not?” Exodus 17.7 What? How could they not know God was among them?

Again. Moses goes up a mountain to meet with the Lord. He is gone for a while. Here is what happened.

“When the people saw that Moses was so long in coming down from the mountain, they gathered around Aaron and said, ‘Come, make us gods who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don’t know what has happened to him.”-Exodus 32.1

Can you believe that? They ended up making a golden calf to worship. Which make God pretty angry. Not surprising.

I often wonder how they could forget God so easily. He rained down bread from heaven to feed them and they forgot Him. They had it so easy compared to us now. Now we have to believe something we cannot see at all. How can we handle our lives knowing Jesus is truly right beside us?

I will tell you next week!

control

You are God alone-Phillips Craig & Dean
You are not a God Created by human hands
You are not a god Dependant on any mortal man
You are not a god In need of anything we can give
By Your plan, that’s just the way it is

CHORUS
You are God alone
From before time began
You were on Your throne
Your are God alone
And right now In the good times and bad
You are on Your throne
You are God alone

You’re the only God Whose power none can contend
You’re the only God Whose name and praise will never end
You’re the only God Who’s worthy of everything we can give
You are God And that’s just the way it is

Unchangeable Unshakable Unstoppable That’s what You are

As you can see, I am still in my music lyric series. I was unable to feature just a few lines from this song; you need to read the whole thing to understand its depth.

I would imagine you expect me to write about Israel and the conflict unfolding as I write. This continuing saga captivates me, and as I write, I am listening to coverage of the crisis on AM radio.

This is a much larger issue then one may imagine. Many are saying that this is fulfillment of biblical prophecy. Perhaps, but for me this is not the most important part.

I am aware, and sometimes very guilty of forgetting God in these kinds of situations. Hurricane Katrina, the tsunami, the earthquakes in Pakistan; even the war in Iraq. Television coverage of said tragedies always features someone lamenting, “Why did God do this to us…” and, “Where was God during all of this…” It is easy to focus on the event at hand, rather than the God that is in control.

I had an email from a dear friend the other day. I will not go into detail, but she asked me why an unfortunate event happened in her life. She asked me what the Bible verse is that dealt with God being in control of all situations.

Isn’t that the essence of living on this earth? People base their belief in God on whether or not bad things happen to them. And if God is in control, why does He allow tragedies to occur?

I guess it is easy to struggle with these questions. Why isn’t God working the helm, preventing accidents and tragedies?

The simple answer is that this world is not as it seems. This world has sin, and it will until Jesus returns. This world has disease, death and suffering; it is the land of the dying. Let us look at what Jesus and Paul say about this world.

“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” –Jesus in John 16.33

“My kingdom is not of this world.” -Jesus in John 17.36

“For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight.” Paul in 1 Corinthians 3.19

Jesus solves the problem of pain and suffering in the first quote above. He has overcome the world. He has created a kingdom that will reign forever for those who believe in Him and love Him. While His children are here, we will suffer. But no matter how bad things become here, take heart because we know the end of the story. We can proclaim, “Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world.” 1 John 4.9

If you are not one of His children, all is not lost. He desires a relationship with you much more than anyone else you will ever know. He wants your heart, and He wants you to know that in the end, everything will be all right. Just ask Him.

He has redeemed me from a life of misery and loss. I would never have pulled myself from the mire on my own. do I still suffer? Yes, but I take it in stride. Things will be better one day.

“Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes nor on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” Paul in 2 Corinthians 4.16-18

“He (God) will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” – God in Revelation 21.11

why i exist

I would like to start a series on music lyrics. One of my passions is music; and I would like to share some of the lyrics that really touch my heart and get my spirit moving.

So, I am starting this week with a song by a man named Lenny LeBlanc. The song’s title is, “Born to Worship.” Here are the lyrics I want to share-

So I testify of His mercy and love
Glorify my heavenly Father above
Just one thing that I am sure of
I was born you were born
Everything was made to worship Him

I was listening to this particular song while driving around Minneapolis this morning. Sometimes I listen to music and I sing out of habit rather than truly experiencing the song’s meaning. Today was different. I was focused on the music, and these words struck my soul.

I believe that everything was made to worship God. He created each and every one of us so that we may worship and love Him. I listened to the cacophony of birds singing their songs of joy. When I got home I watched my cats play, and I think about the wonder of God. That He would create everything is an awesome thought. Here’s a thought from someone else-

One thing is certain: God is not weak and has no deficiencies…everything that exists owes its existence to him, and no one can add anything to him which is not already flowing from Him”-John Piper

I have to tell the truth to you, otherwise I do this in vain. My heart broke when I watched the commuters racing to work. I watch the angry faces; I see the phones in their hands. I think about those hands that should be available to worship the Lord. I look around and I see people that do not realize what they were made for, and the true, rich joy they are missing.

Worshiping Jesus makes my insides warm. It makes my skin tingle. It makes my heart beat faster, and grow bigger. I forget my troubles, I lean on Him for truth and love.

When you finally realize the indescribable, unbelievable amount of love our Lord has for us, you cannot help but pour it back out to Him. I know I can never worship Him enough, but He loves me just the same,

Being truthful again, I admit I had a problem with the word worship in the beginning. I had a tough time bowing down to someone I could not even see. But then I found out for myself that He is indeed real.

My dictionary defines worship as, “An utterly devoted admiration for a person.” That’s it. when I became the Lord’s my life was so messed up that He really had to cle;an and fix my brokenness. My response since then is always the same. When it’s all said and done with my life, my only response to God is dropping to my knees and asking Him, “What can I do for You?” not because He needs my help, but He loves me just the same.

So, where are you in this whole great story of life? Do you give back to Him what He desires? Have you made Him your friend, the lover of your soul, your Redeemer? Think about it.

“I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong; but no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward-to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.” – Paul in Philippians 3.12-14

fireworks

For all of us in the great county of America, yesterday was the Fourth of July.  It is, of course, the day we take time to celebrate our independence from British rule.  We also pause to reflect on what our Armed Forces have done to protect that independence both here and abroad.

However you celebrated yesterday; with family, friends: at a barbeque or under a fireworks display, I hope it was enjoyable.  I had the pleasure of attending the party of a friend.  We had a great time playing volleyball, eating various dishes and fellowshipping with both old and new friends.  

There was something new at this party.  Toward the end, we all gathered in the living room.  I had no idea what was to come.  The host of the party, my friend, started out by asking what all of us had to be thankful for.  Then, we sang songs.  Although I struggled with singing a cappella in a crowded room, I was moved to tears by the sound of all these voices united in song.  We sang “My County 'Tis of Thee,” and “God Bless America,” and “The Star Spangled Banner.”  

After I left the party, I continued to reflect on what things made me thankful.  Then, it dawned on me.  I have another Independence Day.  

My Independence Day is August 18th.  It was that day I became free from bondage and oppression.  It was the day that my Redeemer came to save me.  My dictionary defines ‘redeem’ as:  to get back full possession of and to save from being a total failure.

To save from being a total failure-how beautiful those words ring true in my life.  I would never have made this life without Jesus.  I need to celebrate the day I became independent from the chains that tied me to darkness.

Funny thing though, this independence.  I was worshipping God today with music and a line from a song hit me, “for it’s only in your will that I am free.”  I became independent from Satan to become dependant on Jesus.  I think that is a great trade.

So, if you are the Lord’s, a Christian, then you need to claim and celebrate your personal Independence Day.  If you are not yet His, think about these things-

“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” Jesus in John 8.36

“The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death.” – Romans 8.2

“Oh God, here I am, your servant, your faithful servant; set me free for your service!” Psalm 116.16

“But whoever catches a glimpse of the revealed counsel of God-the free life!-even out of the corner of their eye, and sticks with it, is no distracted scatterbrain but a man or woman of action.  That person will find delight and affirmation in the action.” – James 1.25

I am free!  I do not serve Jesus Christ because I am required to, because I am forced.  I am not brainwashed, not confused.  I have clarity that I never had before.  I serve Jesus because it feels so good.  It feels wonderful to have the blinders fall off, to have the Son shine down on me.

See the fireworks that light the night sky during this holiday?  To me, they represent my heart bursting for joy at the thought of my Redeemer.  Think about it.

free indeed

Before you say anything, I already know.  This is supposed to be a weekly installment, and I have not been living up to my end of the bargain.  And to that, all I can say is that I am a weak, sorry individual sometimes.  If a person had a gambling addiction, he would stay out of the casinos, right?  And if a person had an addiction to shopping, the Mall of America might be something she should avoid.  Well, I like to convince myself that at the end of a long day, my mind needs a break.  So I convince myself that the latest episode of CSI will not be that gruesome, or that I just have to find out what’s going on in the world of media bias, and then I lose myself to the television.  I keep saying ‘just one more show’ and I don’t even have cable, so you can imagine just how desperate I can become.  Let’s just say I catch many episodes of ‘Friends’ the early years during the night.

See, that’s just like I was saying last time.  Shouldn’t God wipe every earthly desire away from my life?  Shouldn’t I be able to focus on Him and Him alone? And that my friend, is the whole gist of what I like to call ‘The Rub.’

The first part of ‘The Rub’ is this; I cannot follow Jesus by my own strength!  I was missing that whole key when I wrote the last time.  I had (horribly) managed my own life before Christ; therefore, I assumed I needed to run it after Christ.  And let me tell you, it is tough to give up the reigns.  No one ever looked out for this number one before.  So, Jesus being the One who wants a relationship rather than a brainwashing (we are definitely not brainwashed) waits patiently for us to get out of the way; to realize we are utterly incapable of living for Him on our own.  You would think someone like me would know that without being bonked on the head with it, but I did not.  It took many sadly failed attempts for me to figure it out.

Look at what the apostle Paul has to say about human control vs. Jesus.  
“Those who think they can do it on their own end up obsessed with measuring their own moral muscle but never get around to exercising it in real life.  Those who trust God’s action in them find that God’s Spirit is in them-living and breathing God.  Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life.  Focusing on the self is the opposite of focusing on God.  Anyone completely absorbed in self ignores God, ends up thinking more about self than God.  That person ignores who God is and what he is doing.  And God isn’t pleased at being ignored.” –Romans 8.5-8

See-rather than having God work through me, I was working God through myself.  I applied all kinds of rules to my life, and abhorred anyone who did not live up to my new standards.  I was a mess until I figured this out.  And I still tend to forget from time to time.

The other part of “The Rub’ is this; I would miss out on God’s amazing work in my life if I were to forget my past.  My story has God’s hand all over it.  He saved my life, and for what?  So I could turn into some sort of Christian and deny the legacy God had written for me?  Or, could I turn the nightmarish way I was living into a glorious story of redemption in Christ?  

I need to remember my past so that I may impact someone’s future.  That’s God’s beautiful cosmic recycling plan for the ages.  Like a phoenix rising from the ashes.


“You’re no longer wandering exiles.  This kingdom of faith is now you home country.  You’re no longer strangers or outsiders.  You belong here, with as much right to the name Christian as anyone.  God is building a home.  He’s using us all-irrespective of how we got here-in what he is building.  He used the apostles and prophets for the foundation.  Now he’s using you, fitting you in brick by brick, stone by stone, with Christ Jesus as the cornerstone that holds all the parts together.  We see it taking shape day after day- a holy temple built by God, all of us built into it, a temple in which God is quite at home.” –Ephesians 2.19-22

See, I told you there would be a happy ending.  You just had to be patient.  

captive...or not?

“If anyone is in Christ, they are a new creation, old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new!”
-2 Corinthians 5.17


These last few weeks have been devastating for me.  I have been going through various trials and struggles one after another. If you were to think of a typical area of life, I would almost surely have a problem in it.  It seems like I am running out of the energy to ‘run the race set before us’ as Paul says in the Bible.  I have, and will always struggle with my various addictions; I accept that.  But if Jesus broke the chains (and I know He did) and set this captive free, why do I feel so trapped?

I add to life’s difficulties with two major issues of my own.  First of all, I believed the verse above meant that life would immediately become smooth sailing when I gave my life to Christ.  If you have been reading my postings for a while, you will know by now that my life before Christ was a living hell.  I was trapped in a world of drugs and lust and I could not see a way out.  When Jesus extended a hand to pull me out of the sewer, I naively assumed life would immediately become a walk in the park. I thought that finally, beyond belief, those horrible chapters of my life were closed forever.  Perhaps I even thought Jesus would be kind enough to ‘erase’ my brain of every horrible thing I had ever experienced.  I had become ‘new,’ hadn’t I?

My other problem is a direct relation to the first.  When I stumbled out of my drug and sexual sin fog, I was blindsided by reality.  I could fill notebooks with problems I needed to correct, and the damage around me seemed to be catastrophic. I did not know which way to turn first.  I needed to reprogram my children; erase their memories of the past.  I needed to rediscover my husband, and start repairing the damage I had created.  I needed to repay loans, seek forgiveness; clean up my act.  Since it did not appear that Jesus would be making me as ‘new’ as I had wished, I would have to do it all myself.
See, up until Jesus, the drugs had numbed me to a point of complacency.  If my children were acting rotten, I would numb myself.  If my husband were mad at me again, I would numb myself.  Didn’t have enough money to pay the bills; well, you get the idea. Not only that, but I had an alternate life I could sneak away to and forget all about mine. There, I was witty, pretty and glamorous (ha.) I had lost touch with everything and now time seemed to be running out.  I had a lot of catching up to do.  

To sum up-every one of my twenty-eight years of life came slamming into my back when I was saved.  Sometimes, it got to the point where it did not really feel like I was ‘saved’ from anything.  Oh sure, there is the eternal life thing, but where’s the benefit on this earth?

Is there any hope at all?

I am glad you asked!  Despite the way it all sounds now, I have some Great News for you!  This story is about to have a turn for the better.  Catch the next installment for details!

tuning out

I apologize to whoever is out there for my absence.  I have no specific excuse; I have been distracted.
It is possible to be overwhelmed by the Lord and by life in general.  Seeing life in true reality can be a scary thing, and can tire the mind.

Rather than continue to speak in abstract, let me give you an example.  I was watching BBC news the other night.  It was about the technology craze in South Korea.  Craze is not an accurate word really; perhaps obsession would be a better one.  It has literally taken over the country.  

Some statistics:  there are more than 28,000 gaming parlors in Seoul.  Granted, there are over 10 million people crammed in the city, but these parlors generate over $6 billion annually.  There are five cable television channels devoted to gaming, showing tournaments, techniques, and new games.

There are several deaths attributed to computer gaming in South Korea.  A couple’s four-month-old baby died because the couple was gaming for over ten hours.  I read about two men who died from exhaustion; one playing for fifty hours straight.  I am sure there are more.  

Fifteen million people in South Korea are regular gamers.  There is a new craze taking over the gaming world; it is called Cyworld.  Cyworld is a virtual world.  People create themselves in a virtual room.  They add their spouse, children, and pets.  They then spend money buying virtual furniture, scenery, decorations.  Some people spend hours a day playing in their virtual life; socializing with their real friends in cyberworld.  As of now, 1 in 3 South Koreas has a virtual self.  One woman said that she gets satisfaction in her cyberworld that she cannot get from the real world.

The most fascinating thing about the piece was a segment about an office building in South Korea.  The cameramen zoomed in for a second on a fish tank located in the waiting room of the building.  The fish tank was not an ordinary one however; it was a digital fish tank.  Digital koi were swimming in digital water.

When asked why he spends so much time in the gaming parlor, one man replied, “It’s a unique outlet for personal expression and a rare chance to be different.”   Psychologists call this obsession escapism, detached socializing, and a form of anti-social behavior.  

What my point is…

A cursory glance at the situation in South Korea may find nothing really wrong.  What is the harm in playing games on the computer?  However, I look at the situation and I ask myself, why the need to escape reality?  These games are not Pac-Man® or Donkey Kong®.  These are role-playing games that involve hundreds and thousands of players.  They enter into another dimension and take on the characteristics of their icon.  What’s up with real life for these people?

There is no argument here that this world is tough; sometimes it is downright scary.  I can see why people want to avoid that reality and seep into something distracting.  I have thousands of books that would indicate I have a tendency to do the same thing on occasion.  But if it becomes a consuming passion, something is wrong.  

There is a force in the world that leads people to distraction.  And that force seems to have done its job well, hasn’t it?  Cell phones, plasma televisions with cable, email, I-Pod’s, DVD players in the car, Blackberry.  Do you pay attention to one single thing at a time anymore?  Multi-tasking is a requirement these days.  

But there is one thing that is speaking to your heart in a still, small voice.  There is a light shining beyond the technology that wants your attention.  He will not try to dazzle you with a technological stage show, but He has His ways.  Ever watch a full moon blaze orange across the starry sky?  Ever watch a mother bird lay on her nest waiting for her precious eggs to hatch?  

But even though real life has so much to offer, there is more.  There is actually Someone out there that wants to be your permanent distraction.  If you were to chuck all those metal cords that want to strangle you, you would be able to encounter an amazing God that wants to consume you in a way you never thought possible.  

It’s true.  Imagine playing the most incredible reality game ever.  It is so far beyond that.  Here’s a taste…

“Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire.”

“I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned he has crossed over from death to life.” –Jesus

And, in a stunning resemblance to the world today,

“I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet upon a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.  He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.”

Holy Words Batman!

From the Chicago Cubs’ Harry Carey to Batman’s sidekick Robin, the word holy sure gets around, doesn’t it?  ‘Holy cow,’ ‘holy smokes,’ ‘holy moley.’   I cannot even count the number of times I hear something like that every day.  

They are as far removed from God as can be.  The word holy means nothing when it is said in this context.  There is even a definition for the word holy in situations like those that I have listed; it’s called adding emphasis to a statement.  For example, “Holy cow was that fish ever big!”

The same can be said for God, can’t it?  “Oh my God” has to be one of the most frequent statement uttered on television today.  It is said in regards to the taste of food, to a new hairstyle, to a handsome man walking down the street.  

The funny thing is, the speaker does not even realize whom they are talking about when they say those kinds of things.  I know I didn’t when I used to say them.  They were just another way of expressing myself.  “Oh my God” was used when I wanted to express shock or surprise and “Holy _____” was said when I wanted to express surprise or wonder.    

What I wonder is what God hears when people do this.  I know I would not appreciate it if my name was used.  

But think about this.  It has been bothering me to hear this on television and in conversation lately, but I have another thought on the whole subject.  I think they are both used so much because subconsciously, people need God.  These words are inherent to our beings; our actual souls.  We were born looking for our Savior.

How many times have you heard somebody shout out “Jesus Christ!” when they have been scared or hurt?  Do you ever hear anybody shout “Abraham Lincoln!” or “Oh my Gandhi?”

AND HERE’S THE POINT…

The dictionary has several other definitions for holy.  

-Awe-inspiring, having a character that invokes reverence.
-Sacred, relating to, belonging to, or coming from a divine being.
-Exalted or worthy of complete devotion as one perfect in goodness and righteousness.

How different are those definitions compared with how the word is used.  I believe that deep down inside, everybody is looking for these things.  Somebody to be awe-inspiring; to cradle as sacred.  We have to be able to reach out to something that really is worth complete devotion.  


Here’s what a few Bible writers had to say about God’s holiness.
“Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord Almighty,
The whole earth is fully of his glory”-angels in heaven

“The Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; He is called the God of all the earth.”-Isaiah

“I will show my greatness and holiness, and I will make myself known in the sight of many nations.  Then they will know that I am the Lord.”-God speaking to the prophet Ezekiel

“For us there is but one God, the Father, from whom all things came and for whom we live; and there is but one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things came and through whom we live.”-the apostle Paul.

Finally, one more thought to ponder the next time you open your mouth:

“You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses His name.” – God in the 10 Commandments

who i am

I need to level with everyone reading this blog.  I may have mentioned before, but it bears repeating. I was a drug addict.  When I was ‘born again,’ Jesus needed to pull me out of a gutter.  
I have been using drugs since I was fourteen years old.  As a matter of record, I dropped out of my high school ‘Just Say No’ club to smoke pot instead.  
I knew better than to start using.  I had just watched my mother’s lover die from an overdose a few months before I started.  It was one of the most horrific and most intense times I had ever experienced, and it was still not enough to dissuade me.  
I used drugs and alcohol to cope with life until Jesus met me.  I was hell bent on destroying my family; abandoning my children, to live a life I thought I deserved.  I had convinced myself it would even be a better life. And right before I closed the door on my life…
In walked Jesus Christ.  

That is the true story of who I was.  Why do I bring this up now?  Because I never want to start to convince myself I came this far using my own strength, or this is somehow my doing.  Even more importantly, I never want anyone reading this blog to assume I started out any differently.  I desperately need you to understand who I was, and who I am in Christ.  

At times, it is possible to forget that old girl.  She was such a fool, while I can attempt to keep things together.  I work at a church, I am actively involved in ministry, I have a piece of paper from a school saying I graduated (see profile picture.) And this, my greatest achievement.  I have wanted to be a writer since the age of six, and I know it reaches the people intended. And while those are wonderful things, we need to keep our eyes focused on the source from which that all flows.  In other words, we need to look at what girl does with her own life, and what Jesus does with same girl’s life.

Why do I bring this up now?  Well, my story does a great job in bringing glory and honor to God.  Aside from that, if I keep it to myself, it remains a story.  But I am finding it more and more important that you know Jesus is not looking for perfection.  To paraphrase an idea; how can Jesus fill a glass that is already full?  No.  Jesus comes for all of us who feel like giving up; who know life is too much to bear alone.  It’s that backed up in a corner feeling that He is waiting for you to notice you have been feeling.

There is no such thing as thinking you need to be cleaned up before you search for God.  Trust me on that one.  You need to take your junk, your baggage, your dirt, and show up at His doorstep.  It is so much easier than waiting until life gets better on your own.

Oh, and one more thing.  Jesus is a gentleman.  He will not barge in.  He is waiting on the other side for you to give some indication that He is welcome.  Here was my invitation to Jesus, “Ok God.  My life is a complete disaster.  If you think you can do better with it, it’s all yours.  Have at it.”  
That was all it took.

I want to share my favorite story that Jesus tells in the Bible.  The first time I read it, I knew that I was the misfit Jesus spoke of.  I pictured the beautiful way God invites every one of us to be with Him, and how He must feel when some reject His offer.  I am thankful I said yes.


The story of the Dinner Party

Jesus said, “There was once a man who threw a great dinner party and invited many.  When it was time for dinner, he sent out his servant to the invited guests, saying, ‘Come on in; the food’s on the table.’  
Then they all began to beg off, one after another making excuses.  The first said, ‘I bought a piece of property and need to look it over.  Send my regrets.’  
Another said, ‘I just bought five teams of oxen, and I really need to check them out.  Send my regrets.’
And yet another said, ‘I just got married and need to get home to my wife.’
The servant went back and told the master what had happened.  He was outraged and told the servant. ‘Quickly, get out into the city streets and alleys.  Collect all who look like they need a square meal, all the misfits and homeless and wretched you can lay your hands on, and bring them here.’
The servant reported back, ‘Master, I did what you commanded, and there’s still more room.’
The master said, ‘Then go to the country roads.  Whoever you find, drag them in.  I want my house full!  Let me tell you, not one of those originally invited is going to get so much as a bite at my dinner party.’

I still weep when I think about the amazing love our Maker has for us.  He wants to throw a party for us; the imperfect.  And for this girl, party’s on!


  
  

laying down

     My heart is troubled.  I first read about the man being held in Afghanistan in Christianity Today a few weeks ago, before the media got a hold of it.   I am sure you have caught wind of the situation by now; a man who converted to Christianity was turned in to police by his family.  The major concern of the media seemed to be that the Afghani police could lawfully kill him for his conversion.  
     While it grieves my heart that any Christian, any person at all really, should be killed for his religion; there is of course more sides to this story.  At least, I think there are.  
     One part I never heard mentioned was that the man was given the chance to renounce Christianity in order to live.  Obviously, he rejected that opportunity.  There is no doubt in my mind that the media had no idea how to handle that kind of information; to many I suspect the idea of living far outweighs a claim of any one religion.  I’ll touch on that again later.
     The other thing that troubles me is harder to put into words.  It seemed to me that the world went into an uproar, particularly the United States.  Calls went to the Afghani government in protest, letters were drafted, and the nightly news took up the cause.
     But what about the man in the jail cell?  He took up his cause too, didn’t he?  He became one in a long line of people to stand up for Jesus and refuse let Him go.  While the rest of the world was uprising for this man, what was he doing?  
     I want to stop a think for a moment about people in history who were willing to lay down their lives for the cause of Christ.  The first are biblical:  Paul, Steven, Peter, the apostles, to name a scant few.  Then we have the early Christians, the young woman at Columbine, and more.  
     I want to make it clear again that I do not wish the man, or anyone to have to die, but what troubles me is that no one seems to understand why he was willing to die.  The media was reporting it like it was a case of a hapless, confused man caught in a barbaric country where there is no religious freedom.  While I agree Christians in other countries have it far worse that we do, I never once got the feeling that they were supporting Christianity itself.  They never understood why he was willing to die.

What’s the point?

     Yesterday, the media reported that the Afghani government released their prisoner.  He was released on the grounds that he was mentally incompetent to understand his actions.  After all of the roaring, this news came in a thirty-second treatment by the newscaster.  I got the impression they agreed.
     I want so much for people to understand why someone would lay down their life for Jesus.  Not strapping on explosives and taking out a neighborhood, but voluntarily subjecting themselves to a solitary, passive death.  I want them to meet the Savior that I know.  I do not want Jesus to be caught up in politics, or morality, because it is too easy to lose sight of the truth there.  I want you to see what I see when I look at my Redeemer.  
     However, I do not want to use my words.  I have gone through some hard times since I have become a Christian, I will not deny that.  I have lost some friends and family, although I know that’s temporary.  I would rather use the words that Paul wrote in one of his letters of the Bible.  Paul spent most of his Christian life imprisoned, or at least more that a man should desire.  But he always kept his eyes focused on the One who saved him.  I think he says it best.  It might help give some insight to our Afghani brother.

     “All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah!  Father of all mercy!  God of all healing counsel!  He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us.  We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort-we get a full measure of that too.
     We don’t want you in the dark, friends, about how hard it was when all this came down on us…It was so bad we didn’t think we were going to make it.  We felt like we’d been sent to death row, that it was all over for us.  As it turned out, it was the best thing that could have happened.  Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, we were forced to trust God totally-not a bad idea since he’s the God who raises the dead!  And he did it, rescued us from certain doom.  And he’ll do it again, rescuing us as many times as we need rescuing.”  2 Corinthians 1.3-5,8-11



     

love hopes

     I hope that my relationship with my husband will continue to mature and flourish.  I hope that my children will grow into wonderful, God-honoring adults.  I hope that I will bring Jesus glory for all my days.
     Nice laundry list, isn’t it?  I have been thinking about hope lately.  See, I have this burning hope to be a writer someday.  A full-fledged, published writer that is.  I have submitted a body of work to a publisher and I am anxiously awaiting their response.  Since they have not sent out the rejection letter, I sit in hope; waiting.  
     So, I looked up the definition of hope in my handy dictionary.  Two meanings:  1. a confident expectation that a desire will be fulfilled.  2.  wishful trust
     Now I want to think about the relationship between love and hope with you.  We have been thinking about love since Valentine’s Day, and I see no reason to stop now.  Is there a correlation between the two emotions?  
     I think we first need to establish what hope is.  Using the above definitions, I think it is safe to rule out some ways that we commonly use the word hope.  Now, I hope the sun is out on the frozen tundra of a state (Minnesota) here tomorrow, but I will not become hopeless if it is not.  I hope that my favorite band will come out with a killer CD, but again, no tears if they do not.  
     Now, can I hope to become a published author?  Well, my actual hope is in God.  I know He gave me both the desire and the talent to write, and my hope is that He will continue to use me to write for His honor and glory.  
     If we take the dictionary and the Bible at their word, we need to use the word hope in its correct context; within relationships.  Relationships provide confidence, don’t they?  Relationships provide trust; especially wishful trust (I love the sound of that.). And if relationships do not provide those essential ingredients, they are deemed hopeless.  Think divorce and estrangement.  
     Now, I am able to have hope in my husband and my children because I love them.  Because they are able to fuel that desire in me.  Because I can establish a basis of trust with them that enables me to look forward to our future together.
     Now, if I were to remove all hope; if I were to take away all desire, what would be the cause to stick around?  Why would I want to be in a relationship with them?

What’s the point here?

     I think that people approach Christianity without seeing our hope.  Heck, in all honesty I think that sometimes Christians themselves forget hope.   We have a relationship with Christ; therefore, we have someone to hope in, and something to hope for.
     Let me show you a few examples.

“Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.” (Psalm 40.31) desire fulfilled

”May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15.13” trust

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” (Hebrews 11.1) so much trust

     Since we know we are not talking about the weather, or the latest CD, we must be talking about the kind of hope that only can be generated by a relationship.  But there is something else important to consider.  Sometimes, my husband’s thoughts and my thoughts do not align.  That does not mean trust is gone and hope becomes despair.  Same goes for Jesus.  I do not profess to know what He is doing.  What I do know is that as time progresses, and as He remains an active part of my life; I am learning to trust Him more and more, despite circumstances.  I like to think of it as the wishful trust of a child.  My children trust me when we are gaily playing, and when they are grounded in their rooms.  As well they should.
     One more thing to consider; our hope is not for this life alone.  If there is one thing every person on the planet has in common, it is death.  The greatest hope for a Christian should be for the next life, not this one.  Morbid as it may sound in this world consumed with living longer, I have joyous hope in the life that is still to come after this one is over.  I have hope that I will live forever with my brothers and sisters, and more importantly, with my God.  
     Ponder this-
”Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!  In His great mercy He has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.  And into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade-kept in heaven for you.  (1 Peter 1.3-4)

     It is possible to be born again into a living hope, a living wishful trust that would allow you to have eternal security. A hope that promises no matter what this life looks like; the next one will be a complete showstopper.  Because Jesus loves, we have hope.
Think about it.