captive...or not?

“If anyone is in Christ, they are a new creation, old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new!”
-2 Corinthians 5.17


These last few weeks have been devastating for me.  I have been going through various trials and struggles one after another. If you were to think of a typical area of life, I would almost surely have a problem in it.  It seems like I am running out of the energy to ‘run the race set before us’ as Paul says in the Bible.  I have, and will always struggle with my various addictions; I accept that.  But if Jesus broke the chains (and I know He did) and set this captive free, why do I feel so trapped?

I add to life’s difficulties with two major issues of my own.  First of all, I believed the verse above meant that life would immediately become smooth sailing when I gave my life to Christ.  If you have been reading my postings for a while, you will know by now that my life before Christ was a living hell.  I was trapped in a world of drugs and lust and I could not see a way out.  When Jesus extended a hand to pull me out of the sewer, I naively assumed life would immediately become a walk in the park. I thought that finally, beyond belief, those horrible chapters of my life were closed forever.  Perhaps I even thought Jesus would be kind enough to ‘erase’ my brain of every horrible thing I had ever experienced.  I had become ‘new,’ hadn’t I?

My other problem is a direct relation to the first.  When I stumbled out of my drug and sexual sin fog, I was blindsided by reality.  I could fill notebooks with problems I needed to correct, and the damage around me seemed to be catastrophic. I did not know which way to turn first.  I needed to reprogram my children; erase their memories of the past.  I needed to rediscover my husband, and start repairing the damage I had created.  I needed to repay loans, seek forgiveness; clean up my act.  Since it did not appear that Jesus would be making me as ‘new’ as I had wished, I would have to do it all myself.
See, up until Jesus, the drugs had numbed me to a point of complacency.  If my children were acting rotten, I would numb myself.  If my husband were mad at me again, I would numb myself.  Didn’t have enough money to pay the bills; well, you get the idea. Not only that, but I had an alternate life I could sneak away to and forget all about mine. There, I was witty, pretty and glamorous (ha.) I had lost touch with everything and now time seemed to be running out.  I had a lot of catching up to do.  

To sum up-every one of my twenty-eight years of life came slamming into my back when I was saved.  Sometimes, it got to the point where it did not really feel like I was ‘saved’ from anything.  Oh sure, there is the eternal life thing, but where’s the benefit on this earth?

Is there any hope at all?

I am glad you asked!  Despite the way it all sounds now, I have some Great News for you!  This story is about to have a turn for the better.  Catch the next installment for details!