Thursday, January 05, 2012

Investments

I think as January rolls around and the turbulence of the Christmas season pans out, it’s time to assess the season and where the New Year will lead me. Of course I’m not presuming to know God’s plan for me. Heck, I don’t even know what the next five minutes He has planned for me look like most days.


In the fall I made the decision to change from High School Timber Bay to Middle School. My daughter had entered her high school years and I didn’t want any conflict between what should be an exciting time in her life and the work I do with teens in conflict. So I chose to work with younger girls; girls who were still full of frantic energy and mischievous tendencies. I like to call them rabid butterflies.

I have to admit, it’s been a challenge. Remember, I had just finished investing four years into girls I had met when they were freshmen. I cut my teeth so to speak with these girls; earning their trust, listening to their secrets, crying tears with them, and rejoicing when they began to realize that the Lord was active and living in their lives.

I helped these girls repent of sins; some with were weighing heavily in their lives. We talked about the concept that these girls did not have to repeat the same mistakes their parents made, that they could have a different life altogether.

Not all of them listened of course. Some of them take what I have come to call ‘The long way around.’ I know that all too well; as I took the long way around to get to where I am today. And the girls find out my story. In time, they realize where Jesus has brought me from and how He completely restored me. Still, I have found that some people need to learn these lessons by themselves. My heart breaks for them, because I know some of what lies ahead. Still, I know that God is greater than any of that and I continue to pray and be available when they’re done running.

There have been great accomplishments as well. I have a girl who I have been with for five years now. When she first started coming to TB I dreaded seeing her come through the door. I knew I was in for attitude and defiance. As the years passed and she continued to come week after week, even coming to the bible study I held before group every week, I of course began to see a change in her.

One afternoon she told me that she had decided to join the National Guard. I admit I was thrilled for her; I knew that the discipline would be beneficial to her and that the benefits that would assist her in college would be invaluable to her. Not to mention I have a deep respect for those who choose to serve our country.

Fast forward to today: She is in the National Guard. She completed her second year this past summer. She just started college a couple of days ago. And this girl who was a headache five years ago is now volunteering with me. I mentor her and we have become very close. God is so incredibly faithful.

There are a few others in college as well. One went hours away to get some distance from her life in this town and discover who she is. She’s a great artist and she’s extremely determined to make something of her life.

Even with all of these blessings, I struggle to know whether this is God’s plan for my life. I know He brought me through all the challenges in my life to use for His glory. I know that I love girls who don’t know how fearfully and wonderfully made they are. Girls who have a spark in their eyes but someone is trying to blow it out. Girls who are going to have a lot of weight to carry by themselves if they don’t meet the Savior. God has given me a heart for the broken teen.

Still, I struggle because I feel alone so often. For every girl I can be with, there are five that are in danger of taking the long way around without ever getting a chance to find out about the God who wants them. I am blessed and cursed with the ability to see hurting girls everywhere I go and my heart constantly breaks for them.

I struggle because there are people, including some parents, who have already given up on these girls. There are parents who don’t realize what a treasure they have been given. A few do, but the majority do not know that the girl they ignore has likes, passions, dreams, hopes. I don’t want their dreams to be derailed.

I struggle because the money is always a challenge. I depend solely on the generosity of others. Unfortunately, because I am a missionary that works in a middle-America town, people don’t realize that I need just as much support as anyone else. I am completely funded by donations, and I just plain suck at raising support. So if I don’t raise enough money, I don’t bring home a check. That can be so discouraging. I have faith that God will provide, but I don’t ever know when or how and the stress is taking its toll on me.

Still, I know I will persist until God calls me out of this ministry. I have to decipher between my turbulent emotions and God’s small and still voice. I will continue to fight against discouragement and go into battle with the Lord.  I will pray as girls enter my thoughts and I will continue to love them with His love.

Does Anybody Hear Her? – Casting Crowns

She is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
She is trying but the canyon's ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She's another two years older
And she's three more steps behind

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today?
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?


She is yearning for shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching for a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day
And in walks her prince charming
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason
And she gives herself away

He told them this parable. "Which of you men, if you had one hundred sheep, and lost one of them, wouldn't leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness, and go after the one that was lost, until he found it? When he has found it, he carries it on his shoulders, rejoicing. When he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, 'Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!' I tell you that even so there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents, than over ninety-nine righteous people who need no repentance." – Luke 15:3-7