The rest of the story
Rest:
2: to cease from action or motion: refrain from labor or exertion 3: to be free from anxiety or disturbance 4: to sit or lie fixed or supported 5a: to remain confident: trust
This past Friday was the year anniversary of my Next Chance. I cannot force myself to use clichés like ‘brush with death,’ or ‘near-death experience,’ so I will settle on something that sounds important; like Next Chance.
I need a title that sounds important, because that is practically the only thing that it looks like I can salvage from the past year. I cannot say that I wrote a book about my walk with Jesus while I was in a coma. I cannot say I saw ‘the light’ and that God spoke to me and told me He had a mission for me to accomplish.
A brief recap: a year ago an accidental prescription drug overdose caused me to have a stroke. I was in a coma for a while, and spent a month in the hospital. After that, I spent another month in various stages of rehabilitation. In the early days after the stroke, the doctors told my husband that I may not make it.
Well, I made it. And during that year, I cannot say anything in my life has significantly changed. Sure, I went back to school for a few classes. But I dropped out again, as I felt God was impressing upon me that school was not where He wanted me. I apparently do not need a master’s degree to do His work, nor do I need to prove to anyone that I can accomplish the task.
I fell back into a routine of wifedom and motherhood, and as I am appreciative of being in their lives more than ever, I cannot say I have become better at either. I am writing again, but I have not spent the last year writing the book that I know remains trapped inside of me.
So then, now how shall I live?
I am positive that the lord does not want me wallowing in self-pity. I am confident that I remain a maintenance person because I have something yet to learn. Perhaps what I need to learn is our word for the week: rest. I am yet ‘to be free from anxiety or disturbance.’ I cannot say with confidence that I ‘sit supported.’ I have a difficult time allowing myself to be supported by Jesus. Finally, I struggle ‘to remain confident.’
The plain fact of the deal is that God allowed me to live because He wanted to. He left me here because of the fervent prayers of hundreds of people. He left me here because it was His good pleasure to. He did not leave me here because He needs me to do something, because God does not need us to do anything. Perhaps there is something He wants me to do, but He will continue to wait patiently until I more satisfactorily die to myself. Until I realize living for Jesus does not necessarily have to live up to my agenda.
He can do this because I believe that the Lord is the consummate ‘rester.’ I realize that is not a word per se, but He is one that truly knows how to rest. God is continually waiting for all of us to work through our own issues and sin, listening to us cry and wail and complain, knowing in Himself how much He loves us and only wants to pour that love on us.
My mentor has been wrestling with a verse from the Psalms for what seems like forever. “Be still, and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46.10) I think a lot of us struggle with that verse. How can we be still when we have minds and wills of our own? The answer? Rest.
“Message of God, the Master. On the day I scrub you clean from all your filthy living, I’ll also make your cities livable. The ruins will be rebuilt. The neglected land will be worked again, no longer overgrown with weeds and thistles, worthless in the eyes of passersby. People will exclaim, ‘Why, this weed patch has been turned in a Garden of Eden! And the ruined cities, smashed into oblivion, are now thriving!’ The nations around you that are still in existence will realize that I, God, rebuild ruins and replant empty waste places. I, God, said so, and I’ll do it.” Ezekiel 36.33-36-The Message
I realize that these verses are actually talking about the restoration of Israel, but I know that God was speaking at me through these verses tonight. HE will be the restorer of nations and HE will be the restorer of people. It may seem like God is neglecting me for not, but that is obviously not the case. I am on His mind, and I will be 'worked again.' God was given the glory of bringing me back to life and health. Jesus has taken the weight of my sin, my weeds and thistles, and He is in the process of continuing the work He has started in me.
I just need to rest.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
My weekend with the Lord…or lead me from the Labyrinth
I interrupt my series on words to bring you a story of restoration and more evidence on the power of prayer. I had many of you praying for me this past weekend, as I was to embark on a spiritual quest. Thigh bone broken or not, some things needed to be wrestled out with God. The prayer was for both strength and protection from impending spiritual warfare.
The prayer retreat was in itself a gift from the Lord. I had needed to go into an extended time of prayer and meditation for a while now. As you may or may not know, I dealt with child abuse as a child and young adult. My mother was, (and is) suffering from depression. As a result, she did a lot of things that she no longer remembers. So, I cannot extract my pound of flesh from getting her to remember and confess to her sins.
So the burden falls on me and the Lord. In order to proceed into a deeper relationship with Christ and feel safe doing ministry work, I needed to ‘clean the pipes’ as a dear mentor once told me. I was carrying years of anger, rage, sadness, pity, fear, resentment, rejection and scarring (I made a list.) I needed to work through my feelings with God and my mother, and assorted family members.
So, my counselor and I were waiting on the Lord for the opportune time for me to go on a retreat. Well, that time came last weekend. The retreat was offered last minute to my church. ‘Coincidentally,’ my husband was going up north and taking our children with him. Here was my big chance!
I had a set agenda. I was going to go off on my own and do some primal screaming, breaking of branches, and lots of crying. There were about fourteen of us on the retreat. We started out Friday night with a relaxing dinner. Then, our pastor led us on a directed prayer journey through John 13.1-5. It’s the passage that describes Jesus washing the disciples’ feet.
1It was just before the Passover Feast. Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love. 2The evening meal was being served, and the devil had already prompted Judas Iscariot, son of Simon, to betray Jesus. 3Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; 4so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. 5After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.
The prayer retreat was in itself a gift from the Lord. I had needed to go into an extended time of prayer and meditation for a while now. As you may or may not know, I dealt with child abuse as a child and young adult. My mother was, (and is) suffering from depression. As a result, she did a lot of things that she no longer remembers. So, I cannot extract my pound of flesh from getting her to remember and confess to her sins.
So the burden falls on me and the Lord. In order to proceed into a deeper relationship with Christ and feel safe doing ministry work, I needed to ‘clean the pipes’ as a dear mentor once told me. I was carrying years of anger, rage, sadness, pity, fear, resentment, rejection and scarring (I made a list.) I needed to work through my feelings with God and my mother, and assorted family members.
So, my counselor and I were waiting on the Lord for the opportune time for me to go on a retreat. Well, that time came last weekend. The retreat was offered last minute to my church. ‘Coincidentally,’ my husband was going up north and taking our children with him. Here was my big chance!
I had a set agenda. I was going to go off on my own and do some primal screaming, breaking of branches, and lots of crying. There were about fourteen of us on the retreat. We started out Friday night with a relaxing dinner. Then, our pastor led us on a directed prayer journey through John 13.1-5. It’s the passage that describes Jesus washing the disciples’ feet.
1It was just before the Passover Feast. Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love. 2The evening meal was being served, and the devil had already prompted Judas Iscariot, son of Simon, to betray Jesus. 3Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; 4so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. 5After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.
Our pastor led us into directed contemplation about this passage. We wrapped our minds around what this scene really looked like. What were the sounds, smells? Then he had us put ourselves into the place of one of the disciples and think about how it must have felt having the Lord wash our feet. The whole exercise was a beautiful reflection into scripture, and for me, set the tone of the weekend.
Then, we played games and laughed hysterically for the rest of the night. This was nothing at all like I was expecting. It certainly didn’t fit my agenda.
When we were finally let on our own the next morning, it was off to business. However, my pastor just had to say one more thing in his prayer for us. Here is a paraphrase, “Father, I ask if there is anyone going out with their own expectations for the day, I ask that you make them flexible to your plans.’ Great. Now I had that to deal with. But I took it in stride. As I was walking outside, I prayed, “Ok God, if you want to run this encounter differently, then I’m willing to go with the flow.”
Remember, my original plan was to go deep into the woods and get busy with some primal emotions. Instead, the Lord led me to a Labyrinth that was cut into the grounds at the retreat center. How could this ever help vent the anger I needed to get out?
Still going with the flow, I started by walking around the Labyrinth cautiously, checking it out. Actually, I was wondering how stupid I would look walking around a maze. At least it had no dead ends. When I got around the perimeter, I gave up and walked up the path. It actually resembled the Labyrinth I pictured above. It seemed like I would hit the middle right from the start. I thought that would be a little too easy. (It was here I started to notice parallels to my spiritual journey) instead, the path veered away from the center. It wound around one side and then the other. At one point, I thought it was going to spit me out, that I had missed a turn somewhere, (another parallel), but I was wrong. The next time it seemed like that, I knew better and was less anxious (parallel there too.) I could see where people had tamped the grass down where they had given up their walk.
Throughout the walk, I spoke to God about the things that had happened to me throughout my life. I cried some. But the whole time I felt very reassured by His close presence and His love for me. Somehow, by my obedience and His gentle prodding, I was able to release the years of hurt into His care. He really showed me my mother’s intense brokenness.
After I made it to the center, I sat for a few minutes thanking and praising Him. Then, I went to a tree I had been eying and sat underneath it. I looked up at the branches and started almost immediately thinking about the fact that I had already been grafted in as a child of the Lord. That I was to remain abiding in His ways and trust He was walking me down the right path, no matter what it looked like. He reassured me that I shouldn’t give up, but continue where He had laid my path. He also reminded me of the passage in Ephesians, where He had spoken to me before.
“In love, He predestined us to adoption as sons (and daughters) through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will,” Ephesians 1.5
He adopted me from my past. Not so I could abandon it, or forget it ever happened, as that would negate a good portion of my life. But God has adopted me as one of His own, and He has healed my wounds, and wiped my tears. I will do well to remember that.
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
a public confession
Confess:
1: to tell or make known (as something wrong or damaging to oneself): ADMIT
2 a: to acknowledge (sin) to God
3: to declare faith in or adherence to: PROFESS
4: to give evidence of1 a: to disclose one's faults; specifically: to unburden one's sins or the state of one's conscience to God
2: ADMIT, OWN
The Old Testament book Leviticus talks about sin offerings. In those days, if a person sinned against the Lord, they would bring an unblemished animal to the priest, and the priest would make atonement for the person with the ‘sin offering,’ or the ‘trespass offering.’ The Mishnah, or the oral traditions of the Old Testament, records the confession as something like the following:
"O Lord, I have committed iniquity, transgressed, and sinned before you, I and my house. O Lord, forgive the iniquities, transgressions, and sins, which I have done by committing iniquity, transgression, and sin before you, I and my house. As it is written in the Torah of Moses, your servant, 'For on this day shall atonement be made for you to cleanse you. From all your sins shall you be clean before the Lord.’
I think it may have been easier to drag an animal to a priest than to confess my sins and transgressions to my fellow brothers and sisters. In the New Testament, we are told to ‘confess our sins to one another.’ (James 5.16) How can I tell people the truth that lurks inside?
“To long for relevance, success, effectiveness, and glory – this is not just a slight misunderstanding of the Gospel, but its very betrayal. It is not error. It is, according to Jesus, satanic.” Jesus Mean & Wild Mark Galli
How can something like that lurk inside me? How can I walk around on a daily basis, seemingly humble about my job cleaning my church, while thinking to myself how God is wasting my time and talent? I keep a constant cycle of thought running in my mind, ‘Oh, if I could just share my ideas and vision with this church, how we could all benefit!’ When Lord, are you going to get me off the bench?
So, with this kind of self-glorifying vile running through my head, how can I tell something this? They would think I was slime. Where’s a goat when I need one?
“For we also once were foolish ourselves, disobedient, deceived, enslaved to various lusts and pleasures, spending our life in malice and envy, hateful, hating one another. but when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind appeared, He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior so that being justified by His grace we would be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.” Titus 3.3-7
Well, I guess the goat isn’t necessary anymore. I came from that world. I believe that it would be betraying the Gospel if I wanted to work for the Lord because I thought I could do it better than the people who do it now.
Jesus said, “It’s who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That’s the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before Him in their worship. God is sheer being itself – Spirit. Those who worship Him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration.” John 4.13-14
I want to serve the Lord because of what He saved me from. I was a wreck, as those of you who read this already well know, and He pulled me up from the gutter. And the grave. My desire to serve Him comes from that gratitude, from the pure mercy He extended to me. I am not looking to glorify myself. Although, to be totally honest, in my humanness it feels good to go from someone who most people had written off to a completely different person. I am proud of myself for finishing college and going for my Master’s. And I think that’s okay as I point the glory to my Father.
So I confess, I have a big dream to serve my Father. One of them is lived out by writing this blog. Another is to help people know that they too can be themselves before the Lord too.
Confess:
1: to tell or make known (as something wrong or damaging to oneself): ADMIT
2 a: to acknowledge (sin) to God
3: to declare faith in or adherence to: PROFESS
4: to give evidence of1 a: to disclose one's faults; specifically: to unburden one's sins or the state of one's conscience to God
2: ADMIT, OWN
The Old Testament book Leviticus talks about sin offerings. In those days, if a person sinned against the Lord, they would bring an unblemished animal to the priest, and the priest would make atonement for the person with the ‘sin offering,’ or the ‘trespass offering.’ The Mishnah, or the oral traditions of the Old Testament, records the confession as something like the following:
"O Lord, I have committed iniquity, transgressed, and sinned before you, I and my house. O Lord, forgive the iniquities, transgressions, and sins, which I have done by committing iniquity, transgression, and sin before you, I and my house. As it is written in the Torah of Moses, your servant, 'For on this day shall atonement be made for you to cleanse you. From all your sins shall you be clean before the Lord.’
I think it may have been easier to drag an animal to a priest than to confess my sins and transgressions to my fellow brothers and sisters. In the New Testament, we are told to ‘confess our sins to one another.’ (James 5.16) How can I tell people the truth that lurks inside?
“To long for relevance, success, effectiveness, and glory – this is not just a slight misunderstanding of the Gospel, but its very betrayal. It is not error. It is, according to Jesus, satanic.” Jesus Mean & Wild Mark Galli
How can something like that lurk inside me? How can I walk around on a daily basis, seemingly humble about my job cleaning my church, while thinking to myself how God is wasting my time and talent? I keep a constant cycle of thought running in my mind, ‘Oh, if I could just share my ideas and vision with this church, how we could all benefit!’ When Lord, are you going to get me off the bench?
So, with this kind of self-glorifying vile running through my head, how can I tell something this? They would think I was slime. Where’s a goat when I need one?
“For we also once were foolish ourselves, disobedient, deceived, enslaved to various lusts and pleasures, spending our life in malice and envy, hateful, hating one another. but when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind appeared, He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out upon us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior so that being justified by His grace we would be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.” Titus 3.3-7
Well, I guess the goat isn’t necessary anymore. I came from that world. I believe that it would be betraying the Gospel if I wanted to work for the Lord because I thought I could do it better than the people who do it now.
Jesus said, “It’s who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That’s the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before Him in their worship. God is sheer being itself – Spirit. Those who worship Him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration.” John 4.13-14
I want to serve the Lord because of what He saved me from. I was a wreck, as those of you who read this already well know, and He pulled me up from the gutter. And the grave. My desire to serve Him comes from that gratitude, from the pure mercy He extended to me. I am not looking to glorify myself. Although, to be totally honest, in my humanness it feels good to go from someone who most people had written off to a completely different person. I am proud of myself for finishing college and going for my Master’s. And I think that’s okay as I point the glory to my Father.
So I confess, I have a big dream to serve my Father. One of them is lived out by writing this blog. Another is to help people know that they too can be themselves before the Lord too.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Resistance is futile
Yield
2: to give or render as fitting, rightfully owed, or required 3: to give up possession of on claim or demand: as a: to give up (as one's breath) and so die b: to surrender or relinquish to the physical control of another: hand over possession of c: to surrender or submit (oneself) to another e: to relinquish one's possession of (as a position of advantage or point of superiority 2: to give up and cease resistance or contention
It has been relatively easy for me to be yielding throughout my life. Despite warnings and shelter from my mother, I yielded my body to sex. Despite my involvement with ‘Just Say No’ programs I yielded myself to drugs. Despite my faithful and caring partner, I yielded to the ‘grass is greener’ temptation and had an affair.
If we have been united with Him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with Him in His resurrection. For we know that our old self was crucified with Him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin— because anyone who has died has been freed from sin. Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with Him. For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, He cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over Him. The death He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life He lives, He lives to God. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Romans 6.5-11
Ok. So, after I surrendered my life to Christ, I was fixed, right? I should no longer have to worry about my temptations. Why do the old cravings come around to haunt me?
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Romans 7.14-24
Paul tells us in this scripture that we were born to sin; in Adam, but then we die and come to life in Christ. A pastor I read likens it to black slaves in the 19th century. Babies are born into slavery never knowing any difference. When they were freed, the slave owners would still try to act as if they were their owners and treat them as such. They would act as if nothing had changed, and the now freed slaves would go about business as if nothing had changed. For example, if a slave owner were to raise his hand, a slave would flinch. So, he says, we stand there with the keys in our hands while the shackles are put back on us. It is not an excuse to sin; it is a reality of the world that we currently live on. The Christian problem, that Paul is trying to flag us of, is that if we try to find the do-it-yourself book to solve this sin issue, we are sure to fail. Not ‘it’s possible to fail’, but sure to fail. This is a spiritual problem. It is only the cross of Christ that can rescue me from that sin nature, nothing else.
When I read Paul again, I could really understand what he was trying to carve into those pages. I could imagine his agony at becoming the Lord’s, and dedicating his whole life to utter devotion and service; only to find a horror living inside that won’t go away. The more I try to self-help it away, the more I try to law and reason it away, the more it grips its claws in with a firmer grasp, satisfied that it’s death-grip will last forever on this earth. I can picture Paul, thumping at his chest, tears running down his cheeks, trying to figure out a way to get it out, hating sin, loving Christ. Then I can picture Paul, looking up at an imaginary cross in his mind, seeing his beloved best friend, his Savior, and positively knowing that the only way to escape this awful sin nature, this awful slavery that we are born into is to fall back into those arms that are spread open waiting to catch us. And then Paul and I realize that the only way that the Christian comes to the end of herself and truly takes up her cross is to quit the struggling and let go.
Paul wrote this so that people like me would read it two thousand years later and be secure in the knowledge that I am not schizophrenic, but instead coming to the end of myself. He wrote this so I would not try to box myself into a set of rules that I could not stick to, and start to hate myself when I failed. He wrote this so I would not try to do the work myself.
Yield
2: to give or render as fitting, rightfully owed, or required 3: to give up possession of on claim or demand: as a: to give up (as one's breath) and so die b: to surrender or relinquish to the physical control of another: hand over possession of c: to surrender or submit (oneself) to another e: to relinquish one's possession of (as a position of advantage or point of superiority 2: to give up and cease resistance or contention
It has been relatively easy for me to be yielding throughout my life. Despite warnings and shelter from my mother, I yielded my body to sex. Despite my involvement with ‘Just Say No’ programs I yielded myself to drugs. Despite my faithful and caring partner, I yielded to the ‘grass is greener’ temptation and had an affair.
If we have been united with Him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with Him in His resurrection. For we know that our old self was crucified with Him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin— because anyone who has died has been freed from sin. Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with Him. For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, He cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over Him. The death He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life He lives, He lives to God. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Romans 6.5-11
Ok. So, after I surrendered my life to Christ, I was fixed, right? I should no longer have to worry about my temptations. Why do the old cravings come around to haunt me?
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Romans 7.14-24
Paul tells us in this scripture that we were born to sin; in Adam, but then we die and come to life in Christ. A pastor I read likens it to black slaves in the 19th century. Babies are born into slavery never knowing any difference. When they were freed, the slave owners would still try to act as if they were their owners and treat them as such. They would act as if nothing had changed, and the now freed slaves would go about business as if nothing had changed. For example, if a slave owner were to raise his hand, a slave would flinch. So, he says, we stand there with the keys in our hands while the shackles are put back on us. It is not an excuse to sin; it is a reality of the world that we currently live on. The Christian problem, that Paul is trying to flag us of, is that if we try to find the do-it-yourself book to solve this sin issue, we are sure to fail. Not ‘it’s possible to fail’, but sure to fail. This is a spiritual problem. It is only the cross of Christ that can rescue me from that sin nature, nothing else.
When I read Paul again, I could really understand what he was trying to carve into those pages. I could imagine his agony at becoming the Lord’s, and dedicating his whole life to utter devotion and service; only to find a horror living inside that won’t go away. The more I try to self-help it away, the more I try to law and reason it away, the more it grips its claws in with a firmer grasp, satisfied that it’s death-grip will last forever on this earth. I can picture Paul, thumping at his chest, tears running down his cheeks, trying to figure out a way to get it out, hating sin, loving Christ. Then I can picture Paul, looking up at an imaginary cross in his mind, seeing his beloved best friend, his Savior, and positively knowing that the only way to escape this awful sin nature, this awful slavery that we are born into is to fall back into those arms that are spread open waiting to catch us. And then Paul and I realize that the only way that the Christian comes to the end of herself and truly takes up her cross is to quit the struggling and let go.
Paul wrote this so that people like me would read it two thousand years later and be secure in the knowledge that I am not schizophrenic, but instead coming to the end of myself. He wrote this so I would not try to box myself into a set of rules that I could not stick to, and start to hate myself when I failed. He wrote this so I would not try to do the work myself.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Marvel in Fear
1: one that causes wonder or astonishment 2: intense surprise or interest: ASTONISHMENT
1. wonderful thing: something that inspires awe, amazement, or admiration
I am currently involved in a Bible study with some friends from church. We are studying the book of Romans, which you may recognize as the book that most resonates with my soul. We were discussing the first chapter, where Paul writes about how God was reacting to people who knowingly rejected His message. I mentioned that people who do not have a fear of the Lord will not do well.
A little while after I said this, I was asked to define my meaning of ‘fear.’ She wondered if I meant ‘afraid.’ I said I did not.
“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.” Proverbs 1.7
Fear means to attempting to comprehend the marvelous Creation He displays. Fear means to tremble at the very fact the He knows your name. Fear means being in awe of his awful (awe-full) patience with those of us who sin. Fear means trying to grasp words like, ‘grace,’ ‘holiness,’ ‘perfect righteousness,’ ‘glory.’
Fear is being able to read the part in Psalm 103 where David is telling us about the Lord’s character, and attempt to grasp where we fit into all of this:
“The Lord is merciful and gracious; slow to anger, and abounding in mercy. He will not always strive with us, nor will He keep His anger forever. He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor punished us according to our iniquities. For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is His mercy toward those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. As a father pities his children, so the Lord pities those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust.” (Psalm 103.8-14)
Above all else, I think fear of the Lord is being able to marvel Him for who He is and for His Sovereign Majesty. Well, now what does that mean? For me, the answer is much simpler than the dictionary definitions I looked up for ‘sovereign’ and ‘majesty.’ Honestly, they did not even come close to descriptive terms for God. So, I have a small list of words I believe does the Lord’s Sovereign Majesty a bit more justice.
‘I AM,” “The Ancient of Days,” “The Alpha and the Omega,” “Redeemer,” “Holy,” “The Light of the World,” “Salt,” “Glorious,” and “Marvelous.”
I can go from one end of the Bible to the other and every page screams at me to marvel the Living God.
“Thus says the Lord: ‘Heaven is My throne, and earth is My footstool. Where is the house that you will build Me? and where is the place of My rest? For all those things My hand has made, and all those things exist,’ says the Lord. ‘But on this one I will look; on him who is poor and of a contrite spirit, and who trembles at My word.” –Isaiah 66.1-2
And so, what of the knowledge the Proverb spoke of in the beginning of this entry? Well, concerning God, fear and wisdom are connected. Once we are able to turn over our pathetic attempts at either thinking there is no God, or that we are god, we can begin to adore and worship the Lord for who He is and what He has done. Those who think they are wise on their own, that our lives are our own are indeed the foolish ones. We fear because we are able to marvel at the greatness of our God.
“Honor all people, Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the King.” -1 Peter 2.17
“But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear. – 1 Peter 3.15
When you look upon your relationship with the Lord, I pray that you can sense a healthy fear of Him. Because then, marveling, and worshipping and serving become all the more pure and of His own heart.
1: one that causes wonder or astonishment 2: intense surprise or interest: ASTONISHMENT
1. wonderful thing: something that inspires awe, amazement, or admiration
I am currently involved in a Bible study with some friends from church. We are studying the book of Romans, which you may recognize as the book that most resonates with my soul. We were discussing the first chapter, where Paul writes about how God was reacting to people who knowingly rejected His message. I mentioned that people who do not have a fear of the Lord will not do well.
A little while after I said this, I was asked to define my meaning of ‘fear.’ She wondered if I meant ‘afraid.’ I said I did not.
“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.” Proverbs 1.7
Fear means to attempting to comprehend the marvelous Creation He displays. Fear means to tremble at the very fact the He knows your name. Fear means being in awe of his awful (awe-full) patience with those of us who sin. Fear means trying to grasp words like, ‘grace,’ ‘holiness,’ ‘perfect righteousness,’ ‘glory.’
Fear is being able to read the part in Psalm 103 where David is telling us about the Lord’s character, and attempt to grasp where we fit into all of this:
“The Lord is merciful and gracious; slow to anger, and abounding in mercy. He will not always strive with us, nor will He keep His anger forever. He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor punished us according to our iniquities. For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is His mercy toward those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. As a father pities his children, so the Lord pities those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust.” (Psalm 103.8-14)
Above all else, I think fear of the Lord is being able to marvel Him for who He is and for His Sovereign Majesty. Well, now what does that mean? For me, the answer is much simpler than the dictionary definitions I looked up for ‘sovereign’ and ‘majesty.’ Honestly, they did not even come close to descriptive terms for God. So, I have a small list of words I believe does the Lord’s Sovereign Majesty a bit more justice.
‘I AM,” “The Ancient of Days,” “The Alpha and the Omega,” “Redeemer,” “Holy,” “The Light of the World,” “Salt,” “Glorious,” and “Marvelous.”
I can go from one end of the Bible to the other and every page screams at me to marvel the Living God.
“Thus says the Lord: ‘Heaven is My throne, and earth is My footstool. Where is the house that you will build Me? and where is the place of My rest? For all those things My hand has made, and all those things exist,’ says the Lord. ‘But on this one I will look; on him who is poor and of a contrite spirit, and who trembles at My word.” –Isaiah 66.1-2
And so, what of the knowledge the Proverb spoke of in the beginning of this entry? Well, concerning God, fear and wisdom are connected. Once we are able to turn over our pathetic attempts at either thinking there is no God, or that we are god, we can begin to adore and worship the Lord for who He is and what He has done. Those who think they are wise on their own, that our lives are our own are indeed the foolish ones. We fear because we are able to marvel at the greatness of our God.
“Honor all people, Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the King.” -1 Peter 2.17
“But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear. – 1 Peter 3.15
When you look upon your relationship with the Lord, I pray that you can sense a healthy fear of Him. Because then, marveling, and worshipping and serving become all the more pure and of His own heart.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Far reaching
B: to pick up and draw toward one:
D (1): ENCOMPASS (2): to make an impression on
I am tough to reach when I am at work. Not because I work in a high-level capacity, but rather, because I wear my MP3 player while I clean the church. I started wearing the headphones a few months ago. I told myself it was because I did not enjoy the quietness, and the monotony of my job. However, I had another motive.
I am not very good at small talk. The pleasantries, you know, like, “How’s it going today?” and, “Boy it’s hot out,” make me uncomfortable. I know they’re going to pop up daily, I’m prepared for them, but I still make the most inane comments, “oh, hanging in there,” or, “good day to be indoors.” And, more often than not, I trip over some part of the inane comment and I feel like an idiot.
It’s gotten worse since my hospital stay. I never got used to people inquiring as to my health status. It happened just today. A lady asked me how I was feeling. She gave me a big hug. I said the standard, “yep, it was touch and go there for awhile.” Walked away from that interaction feeling like an idiot. But I made sure I said ‘thanks’ as I walked away.
Please don’t understand. I love the people I work with and who I interact with from the church. For the most part they are God-loving people with good intentions. I just can’t work with the small banter conversations.
Thus the headphones. I believe I used them to protect myself from feeling like an idiot, and I protect them from uncomfortable inanities. We both win. Right?
I find myself guilty of doing the same thing with Jesus. I feel inept, and so I cut off conversation. I surround myself with television, radio, books, anything to distract myself. Why?
I fear that I too often shut myself in my cocoon and I forget that God is trying to reach me all the time. I shut the door with my symbolic headphones and I forget He is in control, He knows the end of the story, the end of all our stories. I forget that I don’t have to worry about things for Him. He tries to tell me that He loves me with an everlasting love. He tries to remind me that I am His child, and that He was the one who reached for my hand first, and He got exactly what He was bargaining for.
This Psalm sums it all up for me. He reaches for us. All we have to do is take our headphones off and look around us. Feel the warmth of His arms around us. See, he’s not looking to have pleasant conversation with us. He’s looking to be the lover of our soul. He’s looking to tell us who we are in Him. Maybe I should try and listen.
Psalm 19
A David Psalm
1-2 God's glory is on tour in the skies,
God-craft on exhibit across the horizon.
Madame Day holds classes every morning,
Professor Night lectures each evening.
3-4 Their words aren't heard,
their voices aren't recorded,
But their silence fills the earth:
unspoken truth is spoken everywhere.
4-5 God makes a huge dome
for the sun—a superdome!
The morning sun's a new husband
leaping from his honeymoon bed,
The daybreaking sun an athlete
racing to the tape.
6 That's how God's Word vaults across the skies
from sunrise to sunset,
Melting ice, scorching deserts,
warming hearts to faith.
7-9 The revelation of God is whole
and pulls our lives together.
The signposts of God are clear
and point out the right road.
The life-maps of God are right,
showing the way to joy.
The directions of God are plain
and easy on the eyes.
God's reputation is twenty-four-carat gold,
with a lifetime guarantee.
The decisions of God are accurate
down to the nth degree.
10 God's Word is better than a diamond,
better than a diamond set between emeralds.
You'll like it better than strawberries in spring,
better than red, ripe strawberries.
11-14 There's more: God's Word warns us of danger
and directs us to hidden treasure.
Otherwise how will we find our way?
Or know when we play the fool?
Clean the slate, God, so we can start the day fresh!
Keep me from stupid sins,
from thinking I can take over your work;
Then I can start this day sun-washed,
scrubbed clean of the grime of sin.
These are the words in my mouth;
these are what I chew on and pray.
Accept them when I place them
on the morning altar,
O God, my Altar-Rock,
God, Priest-of-My-Altar.
B: to pick up and draw toward one:
D (1): ENCOMPASS (2): to make an impression on
I am tough to reach when I am at work. Not because I work in a high-level capacity, but rather, because I wear my MP3 player while I clean the church. I started wearing the headphones a few months ago. I told myself it was because I did not enjoy the quietness, and the monotony of my job. However, I had another motive.
I am not very good at small talk. The pleasantries, you know, like, “How’s it going today?” and, “Boy it’s hot out,” make me uncomfortable. I know they’re going to pop up daily, I’m prepared for them, but I still make the most inane comments, “oh, hanging in there,” or, “good day to be indoors.” And, more often than not, I trip over some part of the inane comment and I feel like an idiot.
It’s gotten worse since my hospital stay. I never got used to people inquiring as to my health status. It happened just today. A lady asked me how I was feeling. She gave me a big hug. I said the standard, “yep, it was touch and go there for awhile.” Walked away from that interaction feeling like an idiot. But I made sure I said ‘thanks’ as I walked away.
Please don’t understand. I love the people I work with and who I interact with from the church. For the most part they are God-loving people with good intentions. I just can’t work with the small banter conversations.
Thus the headphones. I believe I used them to protect myself from feeling like an idiot, and I protect them from uncomfortable inanities. We both win. Right?
I find myself guilty of doing the same thing with Jesus. I feel inept, and so I cut off conversation. I surround myself with television, radio, books, anything to distract myself. Why?
I fear that I too often shut myself in my cocoon and I forget that God is trying to reach me all the time. I shut the door with my symbolic headphones and I forget He is in control, He knows the end of the story, the end of all our stories. I forget that I don’t have to worry about things for Him. He tries to tell me that He loves me with an everlasting love. He tries to remind me that I am His child, and that He was the one who reached for my hand first, and He got exactly what He was bargaining for.
This Psalm sums it all up for me. He reaches for us. All we have to do is take our headphones off and look around us. Feel the warmth of His arms around us. See, he’s not looking to have pleasant conversation with us. He’s looking to be the lover of our soul. He’s looking to tell us who we are in Him. Maybe I should try and listen.
Psalm 19
A David Psalm
1-2 God's glory is on tour in the skies,
God-craft on exhibit across the horizon.
Madame Day holds classes every morning,
Professor Night lectures each evening.
3-4 Their words aren't heard,
their voices aren't recorded,
But their silence fills the earth:
unspoken truth is spoken everywhere.
4-5 God makes a huge dome
for the sun—a superdome!
The morning sun's a new husband
leaping from his honeymoon bed,
The daybreaking sun an athlete
racing to the tape.
6 That's how God's Word vaults across the skies
from sunrise to sunset,
Melting ice, scorching deserts,
warming hearts to faith.
7-9 The revelation of God is whole
and pulls our lives together.
The signposts of God are clear
and point out the right road.
The life-maps of God are right,
showing the way to joy.
The directions of God are plain
and easy on the eyes.
God's reputation is twenty-four-carat gold,
with a lifetime guarantee.
The decisions of God are accurate
down to the nth degree.
10 God's Word is better than a diamond,
better than a diamond set between emeralds.
You'll like it better than strawberries in spring,
better than red, ripe strawberries.
11-14 There's more: God's Word warns us of danger
and directs us to hidden treasure.
Otherwise how will we find our way?
Or know when we play the fool?
Clean the slate, God, so we can start the day fresh!
Keep me from stupid sins,
from thinking I can take over your work;
Then I can start this day sun-washed,
scrubbed clean of the grime of sin.
These are the words in my mouth;
these are what I chew on and pray.
Accept them when I place them
on the morning altar,
O God, my Altar-Rock,
God, Priest-of-My-Altar.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Be engaged
1: to offer (as one's word) as security for a debt or cause2 c: to interlock with:
3: to bind (as oneself) to do something; especially: to bind by a pledge to marry5 a: to hold the attention of b: to induce to participate
6 a: to enter into contest or battle with
1 a: to pledge oneself: PROMISE b: GUARANTEE
4: to come together and interlock: be or become in gear
Years ago, you could have exchanged ‘engage’ for ‘entrap’ and I would not have noticed the difference. I got engaged the first time when I was twenty. I thought it was the most romantic idea, swept off my feet into a fairy tale. That didn’t last long. I started to see the relationship as a means to an end, never to look at the outside world again. When I went out with my friends, I would slip off the ring and hide it in my purse. I told myself it was just to see if I got any attention.
What I got was out of the relationship. It was four years before I became engaged again. This time, I knew it was right. This was the guy for me, and it would last forever. Then, the ring started finding itself in my purse again, and I started feeling claustrophobic again.
Luckily, he didn’t abandon me and we are now married. I realized that engaged did indeed me to bind myself to another, but it did not mean the end of me as an individual. My husband gives me the freedom to be who I truly am.
The politics and social issues of today’s world seek to engage me. I am caught up in the blowing winds of chaos and war and abuse all around the globe. I find myself carried by the tides and waves that threaten to slam me onto shore.
Here’s a short list of things currently holding my attention: AIDS, child abuse, child trafficking, the war, the White House, illegal immigration, global warming and who is to be the next President.
In the Bible, Paul addresses this very issue: “I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious-the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse…Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.” Philippians 4.8-9
Do I do that? Do I engage God, rather than the world? Do I spend too much time worrying about the world crashing down around me rather than remembering that God is in control? Now don’t get me wrong. It’s not okay to check out of society; waiting on a hill, staring up at the sky for Jesus to come down. Instead, I should make sure I am focusing on God’s word, not man’s. I should be able to give God’s answer to what is good in the world, to acknowledge that God is still ultimately in control.
Jesus tells us, “Let me tell you why you are here. You’re here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness?...You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill.” Matthew 5.13-14
Jesus gave His life exactly as my Merriam-Webster describes it, to offer (as one's word) as security for a debt or cause. His cause is that people might see His love and His light shining through His believers and know the truth. And the truth is; we need to strive to live up to His standards, not the world’s. What does God say about the issues I worry about? Do you think He cares about the little children crying in their beds tonight because their parents just beat them? And do I have an obligation to do something about them if I know God’s heart?
3: to bind (as oneself) to do something; 4: to come together and interlock: be or become in gear. I need to remember to stay engaged with Christ, not with my wandering mind. The world will always strive to drive me away from what is true, what is right. And then I need to refocus and reflect on the words of comfort and engagement Jesus Himself offered me,
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me-watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” Matthew 11.28-30
1: to offer (as one's word) as security for a debt or cause2 c: to interlock with:
3: to bind (as oneself) to do something; especially: to bind by a pledge to marry5 a: to hold the attention of b: to induce to participate
6 a: to enter into contest or battle with
1 a: to pledge oneself: PROMISE b: GUARANTEE
4: to come together and interlock: be or become in gear
Years ago, you could have exchanged ‘engage’ for ‘entrap’ and I would not have noticed the difference. I got engaged the first time when I was twenty. I thought it was the most romantic idea, swept off my feet into a fairy tale. That didn’t last long. I started to see the relationship as a means to an end, never to look at the outside world again. When I went out with my friends, I would slip off the ring and hide it in my purse. I told myself it was just to see if I got any attention.
What I got was out of the relationship. It was four years before I became engaged again. This time, I knew it was right. This was the guy for me, and it would last forever. Then, the ring started finding itself in my purse again, and I started feeling claustrophobic again.
Luckily, he didn’t abandon me and we are now married. I realized that engaged did indeed me to bind myself to another, but it did not mean the end of me as an individual. My husband gives me the freedom to be who I truly am.
The politics and social issues of today’s world seek to engage me. I am caught up in the blowing winds of chaos and war and abuse all around the globe. I find myself carried by the tides and waves that threaten to slam me onto shore.
Here’s a short list of things currently holding my attention: AIDS, child abuse, child trafficking, the war, the White House, illegal immigration, global warming and who is to be the next President.
In the Bible, Paul addresses this very issue: “I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious-the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse…Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.” Philippians 4.8-9
Do I do that? Do I engage God, rather than the world? Do I spend too much time worrying about the world crashing down around me rather than remembering that God is in control? Now don’t get me wrong. It’s not okay to check out of society; waiting on a hill, staring up at the sky for Jesus to come down. Instead, I should make sure I am focusing on God’s word, not man’s. I should be able to give God’s answer to what is good in the world, to acknowledge that God is still ultimately in control.
Jesus tells us, “Let me tell you why you are here. You’re here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness?...You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill.” Matthew 5.13-14
Jesus gave His life exactly as my Merriam-Webster describes it, to offer (as one's word) as security for a debt or cause. His cause is that people might see His love and His light shining through His believers and know the truth. And the truth is; we need to strive to live up to His standards, not the world’s. What does God say about the issues I worry about? Do you think He cares about the little children crying in their beds tonight because their parents just beat them? And do I have an obligation to do something about them if I know God’s heart?
3: to bind (as oneself) to do something; 4: to come together and interlock: be or become in gear. I need to remember to stay engaged with Christ, not with my wandering mind. The world will always strive to drive me away from what is true, what is right. And then I need to refocus and reflect on the words of comfort and engagement Jesus Himself offered me,
“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me-watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” Matthew 11.28-30
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Wait for it
1 a: to remain stationary in readiness or expectation
2 a: to look forward expectantly
We have been waiting for a long time. Tuning into daily news sends a sense of apprehension through me. We are waiting for good news on the war. We are waiting for some relief in global warming. We are waiting in anticipation for the fighting to end in the Middle East, especially Israel.
We wait to hear a newscast that does not include child abductions, child rape or child pornography. We wait to read a newspaper that does not include murder-suicide, or how high the murder rate is climbing in the city.
I apparently made a big mistake when I became a Christian. I prayed for patience, because I knew I needed it. Well, I was told the only way to develop patience was to be tried and tested.
“We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we are never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary-we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit.” Romans 5.3-5
Surprise: we all are tried and tested. That’s the way the earth is right now. Whether it’s feeling like our hands are tied, not able to help all the people who need helping, or thinking that there is simply no hope for the world at all.
It is easy to become a fatalist in today’s age. There seems to be one catastrophe after another, with no way to stop them. What is God waiting for?
“With God, one day is as good as a thousand years, a thousand years as a day. God isn’t late with his promise as some measure lateness. He is restraining himself on account of you, holding back the End because he doesn’t want anyone lost. He’s giving everyone space and time to change.” 2 Peter 3.8-9
See, I cannot give a good explanation why bad things happen. I know the basic answer, “His ways are not our ways,” and “Everything happens for a reason,” but I cannot even begin to comprehend God’s workings on this earth.
So, the only thing left to do is wait for the end. Define ‘end’ for yourself. But that’s where the mistake comes into play. That causes apathy. The definitions for wait listed above are examples of active waiting. Not just us waiting, in tears, not knowing what to do. But active waiting, knowing that no matter what things look like, God is indeed in control.
How do I know, you ask? Well, in my life I have seen His hand working through my situations. When I was a drug addict roaming the streets in the middle of the night. When I was determined to leave my husband and children for a ‘better life.’ God was the only One able to stop the crash course my life was one. I believe that with my whole being. When I thought things were hopeless, He saw the redemption on the other side.
And so, now I know the truth. And I can practice active waiting too. Things may seem bleak on a day-to-day basis, but I know that God has much to reveal to the world that will make these days pale in comparison. Check out what Paul says. It’s kind of long, but definitely worth the read.
“That’s why I don’t think there’s any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times. The created world itself can hardly wait for what’s coming next. Everything in creation is being more or less held back. God reins it in until both creation and all the creatures are ready and can be released at the same moment into the glorious times ahead. Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens.
“All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it’s not only around us; it’s within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We’re also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.
“Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.” Romans 8.18-28
And that my friends, is a promise I can cling to.
1 a: to remain stationary in readiness or expectation
2 a: to look forward expectantly
We have been waiting for a long time. Tuning into daily news sends a sense of apprehension through me. We are waiting for good news on the war. We are waiting for some relief in global warming. We are waiting in anticipation for the fighting to end in the Middle East, especially Israel.
We wait to hear a newscast that does not include child abductions, child rape or child pornography. We wait to read a newspaper that does not include murder-suicide, or how high the murder rate is climbing in the city.
I apparently made a big mistake when I became a Christian. I prayed for patience, because I knew I needed it. Well, I was told the only way to develop patience was to be tried and tested.
“We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we are never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary-we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit.” Romans 5.3-5
Surprise: we all are tried and tested. That’s the way the earth is right now. Whether it’s feeling like our hands are tied, not able to help all the people who need helping, or thinking that there is simply no hope for the world at all.
It is easy to become a fatalist in today’s age. There seems to be one catastrophe after another, with no way to stop them. What is God waiting for?
“With God, one day is as good as a thousand years, a thousand years as a day. God isn’t late with his promise as some measure lateness. He is restraining himself on account of you, holding back the End because he doesn’t want anyone lost. He’s giving everyone space and time to change.” 2 Peter 3.8-9
See, I cannot give a good explanation why bad things happen. I know the basic answer, “His ways are not our ways,” and “Everything happens for a reason,” but I cannot even begin to comprehend God’s workings on this earth.
So, the only thing left to do is wait for the end. Define ‘end’ for yourself. But that’s where the mistake comes into play. That causes apathy. The definitions for wait listed above are examples of active waiting. Not just us waiting, in tears, not knowing what to do. But active waiting, knowing that no matter what things look like, God is indeed in control.
How do I know, you ask? Well, in my life I have seen His hand working through my situations. When I was a drug addict roaming the streets in the middle of the night. When I was determined to leave my husband and children for a ‘better life.’ God was the only One able to stop the crash course my life was one. I believe that with my whole being. When I thought things were hopeless, He saw the redemption on the other side.
And so, now I know the truth. And I can practice active waiting too. Things may seem bleak on a day-to-day basis, but I know that God has much to reveal to the world that will make these days pale in comparison. Check out what Paul says. It’s kind of long, but definitely worth the read.
“That’s why I don’t think there’s any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times. The created world itself can hardly wait for what’s coming next. Everything in creation is being more or less held back. God reins it in until both creation and all the creatures are ready and can be released at the same moment into the glorious times ahead. Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens.
“All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it’s not only around us; it’s within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We’re also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.
“Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.” Romans 8.18-28
And that my friends, is a promise I can cling to.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
inhale
1 : to draw in by breathing2 : to take in eagerly or greedily
intransitive verb : to breathe in
"But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place. For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing; to the one an aroma from death to death, to the other an aroma from life to life. And who is equal to such a task?" 2 Corinthians 2:14-16
Smells started to come alive for me after I quit smoking. My olfactory senses seemed to start working overtime. My first experience with the power of the human nose was when I was pregnant with my first child. That was before I had ever smoked. I was working in a restaurant. I remember the smell of fish would almost knock me out with its potency. I remember having a perfume that was expensive and having to give it to my grandmother because I couldn’t even stand to have it in the house. Years later, I started smoking, and those memories faded. Four years and 8 months ago, when I quit, the sensory overload started up all over again. Of course, taste changed for me as well, but I still haven’t completely gotten used to my nose and how smells can affect me. Things I used to like the scent of I no longer like, and things I didn’t like the scent of I now love. I’ve been driving my husband nuts for years now with questions of “what’s that smell?” He’s been smelling with the same nose for 33 years, so he doesn’t notice the change in things like I do. Each of my children have a unique, individual smell I never noticed.
And so, when I found this particular passage in 2 Corinthians 2:14-16, written to engage the olfactory senses, I could relate to Paul’s words and it really made me stop and think about the similarities of my nose and how that has changed, and how my life changed when I surrendered my life to Christ. I’ve read the scriptures that cover the eyes, being a light. And I’ve read the scriptures that cover the taste, to be salt. But I’ve never thought about having an aroma for Christ, and that is why I needed to look into these verses closer.
Paul begins to speak of the adequacy of God’s grace for every situation. He writes, “But thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place. For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those we are being saved and among those who are perishing: to the one an aroma from death to death, and to the other an aroma from life to life, and who is adequate for these things? So let’s examine each of the smells that God calls us to be by comparing Paul’s Corinthian congregation to our lives here today.
Let’s start with the first fragrance in verse 14. Paul writes “But thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place.” Paul is making a reference in this verse to a Roman general, who in victory would lead his soldiers and their captives in a procession through the streets, which would be met by the people burning spices in their honor. The Hebrew word for triumph Paul used here is to have an effect upon another. Paul is talking about the triumph of men and women who were spreading the Gospel. The triumph in Christ is over the persecution, the ridicule, over men and the devil. As Oswald Chambers puts it in his devotional, “Paul says, I am in the train of a conqueror, and it does not matter what the difficulties are, I am always led in triumph.” Paul uses the word always. Where the Gospel is preached there will always be some good, and the thanks and glory go back to God. When the Gospel is preached, it manifests a sweet aroma that spreads to every place.
In researching on this particular verse, I read that Paul’s secret joy was that God took him, a red-handed rebel against Jesus Christ, and made him a captive, and that was all he lived for. I love that image, and yet I struggle against becoming more and more captive to Christ myself. This verse makes me think about what my aroma is. When I meditate on these verses, I sense that I have a sweet fragrance for God only sporadically at best. I find myself being led by my emotions far too often. With my family, I am by far considered very peculiar, and that is exacerbated by the fact that I too was a red-handed rebel before being taken captive. Did my new found life not just make me a hypocrite? Who was I to change directions in what seemed to be an instant? I am often criticized for actions that others deem “not very Christian.” I want to agree with Paul’s words and have that aroma that comes from standing firm and preaching the knowledge of Jesus in every place, despite whatever opposition I may face.
So what do we do to become the people that God can manifest the sweet aroma of His knowledge through? For me, it is to keep myself focused on Christ, despite the external situations at hand. I release my feelings of inadequacy, feelings that He could never use me to spread His Gospel. But even more importantly perhaps, I keep focus off of the emotion, off of the roller coaster that will carry me away from that triumph.
The second fragrance that Paul speaks of is the scent of Christ to God among those who are being saved. That we are an aroma from life to life. Christ’s death includes a resurrection to the believer. That is a sweet smelling aroma for us. Paul is writing about the sweet aroma of believer to believer, that helps guides one another, that exhorts one another, that supports and maintains our present spiritual life until the time of our eternal life to come.
What a simple, but beautiful idea. That we carry the aroma of life to help support one another. I know of the aroma that Paul speaks of, life to life. The Lord has blessed me mightily with the gift of friendship with another woman as well. She answers my many questions by helping me find scriptural truths, she calms my fears, and probably the greatest gift of all is that she holds me accountable. Our eyes stay focused when we blend our sweet aroma of life together.
And so our job is to seek out one another, to find other believers in the workplace, or stay connected to one another as best as possible while we’re in our respective corners of the marketplace of life. Even if we stay at home, we are not safe from the world at large. Loneliness and isolation are dangerous for us, especially when we’re surrounded by the world.
The third fragrance Paul speaks of is the scent of death to those who are perishing. That we are an aroma of death to death. That can only be the scent of a dead Gospel with a dead Christ. Those that don’t know the Gospel, and the resurrection smell of a new life in Jesus. To the unbeliever, we are the stench of the reflection of themselves, dying in sin. By rejecting us, they are choosing death for themselves. The opposite of life spiritual to life eternal, here, it is death spiritually to death eternal. We preach foolishness to those that can’t smell the truth. Our message never changes, it is the reaction to the message that causes the aroma to change.
As Paul writes, I speak the truth no matter what the cost, and I spread that sweet fragrance of knowledge despite what my family or the world thinks.
And we all should do the same. And expect that there will be those that wrinkle their noses at us. And seek to find the same joy that Paul had no matter what people thought he smelled like. We need to be brave enough to speak the truth at our workplace, to stand ready, as Peter talks about, to give account of the joy that is within us. There is no time and no room for half-truths and shaded, watered down versions of the knowledge we have of Him that resides inside us.
And Paul ends verse 16 by asking, “And who is adequate for these things?” and the simple answer is not us. Not us alone, it is only the competency in Christ that gives us the sufficiency through grace to be adequate. It is in God’s perfect reason and perfect timing and even more perfect grace that our fragrance becomes pleasing.
1 : to draw in by breathing2 : to take in eagerly or greedily
intransitive verb : to breathe in
"But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place. For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing; to the one an aroma from death to death, to the other an aroma from life to life. And who is equal to such a task?" 2 Corinthians 2:14-16
Smells started to come alive for me after I quit smoking. My olfactory senses seemed to start working overtime. My first experience with the power of the human nose was when I was pregnant with my first child. That was before I had ever smoked. I was working in a restaurant. I remember the smell of fish would almost knock me out with its potency. I remember having a perfume that was expensive and having to give it to my grandmother because I couldn’t even stand to have it in the house. Years later, I started smoking, and those memories faded. Four years and 8 months ago, when I quit, the sensory overload started up all over again. Of course, taste changed for me as well, but I still haven’t completely gotten used to my nose and how smells can affect me. Things I used to like the scent of I no longer like, and things I didn’t like the scent of I now love. I’ve been driving my husband nuts for years now with questions of “what’s that smell?” He’s been smelling with the same nose for 33 years, so he doesn’t notice the change in things like I do. Each of my children have a unique, individual smell I never noticed.
And so, when I found this particular passage in 2 Corinthians 2:14-16, written to engage the olfactory senses, I could relate to Paul’s words and it really made me stop and think about the similarities of my nose and how that has changed, and how my life changed when I surrendered my life to Christ. I’ve read the scriptures that cover the eyes, being a light. And I’ve read the scriptures that cover the taste, to be salt. But I’ve never thought about having an aroma for Christ, and that is why I needed to look into these verses closer.
Paul begins to speak of the adequacy of God’s grace for every situation. He writes, “But thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place. For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those we are being saved and among those who are perishing: to the one an aroma from death to death, and to the other an aroma from life to life, and who is adequate for these things? So let’s examine each of the smells that God calls us to be by comparing Paul’s Corinthian congregation to our lives here today.
Let’s start with the first fragrance in verse 14. Paul writes “But thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place.” Paul is making a reference in this verse to a Roman general, who in victory would lead his soldiers and their captives in a procession through the streets, which would be met by the people burning spices in their honor. The Hebrew word for triumph Paul used here is to have an effect upon another. Paul is talking about the triumph of men and women who were spreading the Gospel. The triumph in Christ is over the persecution, the ridicule, over men and the devil. As Oswald Chambers puts it in his devotional, “Paul says, I am in the train of a conqueror, and it does not matter what the difficulties are, I am always led in triumph.” Paul uses the word always. Where the Gospel is preached there will always be some good, and the thanks and glory go back to God. When the Gospel is preached, it manifests a sweet aroma that spreads to every place.
In researching on this particular verse, I read that Paul’s secret joy was that God took him, a red-handed rebel against Jesus Christ, and made him a captive, and that was all he lived for. I love that image, and yet I struggle against becoming more and more captive to Christ myself. This verse makes me think about what my aroma is. When I meditate on these verses, I sense that I have a sweet fragrance for God only sporadically at best. I find myself being led by my emotions far too often. With my family, I am by far considered very peculiar, and that is exacerbated by the fact that I too was a red-handed rebel before being taken captive. Did my new found life not just make me a hypocrite? Who was I to change directions in what seemed to be an instant? I am often criticized for actions that others deem “not very Christian.” I want to agree with Paul’s words and have that aroma that comes from standing firm and preaching the knowledge of Jesus in every place, despite whatever opposition I may face.
So what do we do to become the people that God can manifest the sweet aroma of His knowledge through? For me, it is to keep myself focused on Christ, despite the external situations at hand. I release my feelings of inadequacy, feelings that He could never use me to spread His Gospel. But even more importantly perhaps, I keep focus off of the emotion, off of the roller coaster that will carry me away from that triumph.
The second fragrance that Paul speaks of is the scent of Christ to God among those who are being saved. That we are an aroma from life to life. Christ’s death includes a resurrection to the believer. That is a sweet smelling aroma for us. Paul is writing about the sweet aroma of believer to believer, that helps guides one another, that exhorts one another, that supports and maintains our present spiritual life until the time of our eternal life to come.
What a simple, but beautiful idea. That we carry the aroma of life to help support one another. I know of the aroma that Paul speaks of, life to life. The Lord has blessed me mightily with the gift of friendship with another woman as well. She answers my many questions by helping me find scriptural truths, she calms my fears, and probably the greatest gift of all is that she holds me accountable. Our eyes stay focused when we blend our sweet aroma of life together.
And so our job is to seek out one another, to find other believers in the workplace, or stay connected to one another as best as possible while we’re in our respective corners of the marketplace of life. Even if we stay at home, we are not safe from the world at large. Loneliness and isolation are dangerous for us, especially when we’re surrounded by the world.
The third fragrance Paul speaks of is the scent of death to those who are perishing. That we are an aroma of death to death. That can only be the scent of a dead Gospel with a dead Christ. Those that don’t know the Gospel, and the resurrection smell of a new life in Jesus. To the unbeliever, we are the stench of the reflection of themselves, dying in sin. By rejecting us, they are choosing death for themselves. The opposite of life spiritual to life eternal, here, it is death spiritually to death eternal. We preach foolishness to those that can’t smell the truth. Our message never changes, it is the reaction to the message that causes the aroma to change.
As Paul writes, I speak the truth no matter what the cost, and I spread that sweet fragrance of knowledge despite what my family or the world thinks.
And we all should do the same. And expect that there will be those that wrinkle their noses at us. And seek to find the same joy that Paul had no matter what people thought he smelled like. We need to be brave enough to speak the truth at our workplace, to stand ready, as Peter talks about, to give account of the joy that is within us. There is no time and no room for half-truths and shaded, watered down versions of the knowledge we have of Him that resides inside us.
And Paul ends verse 16 by asking, “And who is adequate for these things?” and the simple answer is not us. Not us alone, it is only the competency in Christ that gives us the sufficiency through grace to be adequate. It is in God’s perfect reason and perfect timing and even more perfect grace that our fragrance becomes pleasing.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
SUCH A STRETCH
2: to reach out: EXTEND
3: to extend in length
6: to draw up (one's body) from a cramped, stooping, or relaxed position
9: to cause to reach or continue (as from one point to another or across a space)
10 a : to amplify or enlarge beyond natural or proper
b: to expand to fulfill a larger function
(Merriam-Webster)
About a year ago, I wrote down 27 words. They were written on banners that were hanging in a church I was visiting. I had no direct cause for jotting down the words; I just knew they meant something.
I have been compelled to write about these words now, one at a time. The first one I will dwell on is the word, “Stretch.” Normally, when you hear the word stretch, you think of something being pulled, something spread out. I challenge us to see something differently tonight.
The first definition, ‘to reach out: extend.” It reminds me of the beginning of one of my favorite psalms, Psalm 40.
I waited patiently for the Lord;
And he inclined to me
And heard my cry.
He brought me up out of the
Pit of destruction,
Out of the miry clay,
And set my feet upon a rock making
My footsteps firm. (vs. 1-2)
That is how the whole journey starts for all of us. Imagine the Lord inclining to you, extending His mighty hand as a demonstration of His love. The Lord always makes the first move. We just have to be ready and listening, with the desire to say “Yes.”
The next definition, ‘to extend in length.’ The psalmist, David, continues in Psalm 40:
How blessed is the man
Who has made the
Lord his trust,
And has not turned to
The proud, nor to those
Who lapse into
Falsehood. (vs. 4)
We have the next move. We are the ones who need to extend in length to meet Him. We have to rely on His strength, combined with our growing love in Him, to resist the unrelenting powers of this world.
We come to our next definition, ‘draw up (one's body) from a cramped, stooping, or relaxed position.’ David says this,
I delight to do your will,
O my God;
Your law is within my
Heart.
I have proclaimed glad
Tidings of
Righteousness in the
Great congregation;
Behold, I will not restrain my lips.’ (vs. 8-9)
We have to admit, those of us who became Christ followers later in life, or those who are still questioning Christ, that we are awfully complacent in our old lives. It is easy to be cramped, weighed down with the heaviness of this world, and resigned to being relaxed with something that resembles apathy.
But God has something different in store for us. His remarkable love causes us to delight in doing His will. We can no longer restrain our lips.
Next definition, ‘to cause to reach or continue (as from one point to another or across a space)’ David says,
I have not hidden your
Righteousness within
My heart;
I have spoken of your
Faithfulness and your
Salvation;
I have not concealed your
Lovingkindness and
Your great truth
From the great congregation. (vs. 10)
The unrestraint rages on in our hearts. We want to tell people about this new love we have found that is unlike any other love. We proclaim how He has saved us. His truth refuses to hide in our hearts.
To amplify or enlarge beyond natural or proper. David’s witness to that truth:
You, O Lord, will not
Withhold your
Compassion from me;
Your lovingkindness and
Your truth will
Continually preserve me. (vs. 11)
It is not within our natural human nature to have that kind of trust. We have come to learn that it is virtually impossible to trust any other human 100 percent. To have the trust in the Lord that David writes of takes amplification that goes far beyond anything natural.
Finally, ‘to expand (as by improvisation) to fulfill a larger function.’ One last thought from David:
Let all who seek you
Rejoice and be glad in you;
Let those who love your
Salvation say continually,
“The Lord be magnified!” (vs. 16)
That is the ultimate gift of God’s love to us. The truth is, those who seek God will rejoice and be glad in Him. We call the world’s attention to His mighty love and His beautiful stretch.
2: to reach out: EXTEND
3: to extend in length
6: to draw up (one's body) from a cramped, stooping, or relaxed position
9: to cause to reach or continue (as from one point to another or across a space)
10 a : to amplify or enlarge beyond natural or proper
b: to expand to fulfill a larger function
(Merriam-Webster)
About a year ago, I wrote down 27 words. They were written on banners that were hanging in a church I was visiting. I had no direct cause for jotting down the words; I just knew they meant something.
I have been compelled to write about these words now, one at a time. The first one I will dwell on is the word, “Stretch.” Normally, when you hear the word stretch, you think of something being pulled, something spread out. I challenge us to see something differently tonight.
The first definition, ‘to reach out: extend.” It reminds me of the beginning of one of my favorite psalms, Psalm 40.
I waited patiently for the Lord;
And he inclined to me
And heard my cry.
He brought me up out of the
Pit of destruction,
Out of the miry clay,
And set my feet upon a rock making
My footsteps firm. (vs. 1-2)
That is how the whole journey starts for all of us. Imagine the Lord inclining to you, extending His mighty hand as a demonstration of His love. The Lord always makes the first move. We just have to be ready and listening, with the desire to say “Yes.”
The next definition, ‘to extend in length.’ The psalmist, David, continues in Psalm 40:
How blessed is the man
Who has made the
Lord his trust,
And has not turned to
The proud, nor to those
Who lapse into
Falsehood. (vs. 4)
We have the next move. We are the ones who need to extend in length to meet Him. We have to rely on His strength, combined with our growing love in Him, to resist the unrelenting powers of this world.
We come to our next definition, ‘draw up (one's body) from a cramped, stooping, or relaxed position.’ David says this,
I delight to do your will,
O my God;
Your law is within my
Heart.
I have proclaimed glad
Tidings of
Righteousness in the
Great congregation;
Behold, I will not restrain my lips.’ (vs. 8-9)
We have to admit, those of us who became Christ followers later in life, or those who are still questioning Christ, that we are awfully complacent in our old lives. It is easy to be cramped, weighed down with the heaviness of this world, and resigned to being relaxed with something that resembles apathy.
But God has something different in store for us. His remarkable love causes us to delight in doing His will. We can no longer restrain our lips.
Next definition, ‘to cause to reach or continue (as from one point to another or across a space)’ David says,
I have not hidden your
Righteousness within
My heart;
I have spoken of your
Faithfulness and your
Salvation;
I have not concealed your
Lovingkindness and
Your great truth
From the great congregation. (vs. 10)
The unrestraint rages on in our hearts. We want to tell people about this new love we have found that is unlike any other love. We proclaim how He has saved us. His truth refuses to hide in our hearts.
To amplify or enlarge beyond natural or proper. David’s witness to that truth:
You, O Lord, will not
Withhold your
Compassion from me;
Your lovingkindness and
Your truth will
Continually preserve me. (vs. 11)
It is not within our natural human nature to have that kind of trust. We have come to learn that it is virtually impossible to trust any other human 100 percent. To have the trust in the Lord that David writes of takes amplification that goes far beyond anything natural.
Finally, ‘to expand (as by improvisation) to fulfill a larger function.’ One last thought from David:
Let all who seek you
Rejoice and be glad in you;
Let those who love your
Salvation say continually,
“The Lord be magnified!” (vs. 16)
That is the ultimate gift of God’s love to us. The truth is, those who seek God will rejoice and be glad in Him. We call the world’s attention to His mighty love and His beautiful stretch.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
My Exodus or where are my Hinds' feet?
My counselor has recommended many great books to me. Books that assist in spiritual development and self-actualization mostly. I am reading one of the recommended books now. It’s called, “Hinds’ Feet in High Places.” It is an allegory describing a girl named Much-Afraid and her journey with her Great Shepherd to the High Places. I could never do it justice in this limited space, but it speaks a great deal about our spiritual journey with Christ.
I found a passage that fits the following message I wrote this weekend. It describes where the Shepherd leaves Much-Afraid in the care of his two companions to continue with her on her journey to the High Places. Much-Afraid asks why he cannot accompany her all the way.
He answers, “Much-Afraid, I could do what you wish. I could carry you all the way up to the High Places myself, instead of leaving you to climb there. But if I did, you would never be able to develop hinds’ feet, and become my companion and go where I go. If you will climb to the heights this once…even though it may seem a very long and in some places a very difficult journey, I promise you that you will develop hinds’ feet.”
I wrote this in a time of peaceful solitude this weekend.
Exodus
One small glance back
Then I shut the door.
Entered this new life you gave me.
Started fresh, eyes wide open
Never knew life could be so alive.
Then the honeymoon was over.
I saw the mire returning,
Looking to reclaim.
What I thought detestable
Now seemed full of appeal.
Maybe life before really wasn’t so bad.
But I need to follow you
On this Exodus.
To the land you’ve promised me.
The never-ending life you’ve granted me.
I can’t look back at
The bondage and consider it Holy.
When I see where your Exodus
Has brought me.
I used to justify my actions,
Blame them all on my past.
Tried to run from my nightmares
And never look back.
But you plucked me from the wide path,
Set my feet upon the narrow one.
And cleansed away all my shame
With the blood of your Son.
Maybe life now is all I could dream.
So I need to keep following you
On this Exodus.
Stop from crying out
‘The race is too hard.’
I have to cling to the promise,
I’m never alone.
I keep my eyes on your face
Till I reach the land of my own.
My counselor has recommended many great books to me. Books that assist in spiritual development and self-actualization mostly. I am reading one of the recommended books now. It’s called, “Hinds’ Feet in High Places.” It is an allegory describing a girl named Much-Afraid and her journey with her Great Shepherd to the High Places. I could never do it justice in this limited space, but it speaks a great deal about our spiritual journey with Christ.
I found a passage that fits the following message I wrote this weekend. It describes where the Shepherd leaves Much-Afraid in the care of his two companions to continue with her on her journey to the High Places. Much-Afraid asks why he cannot accompany her all the way.
He answers, “Much-Afraid, I could do what you wish. I could carry you all the way up to the High Places myself, instead of leaving you to climb there. But if I did, you would never be able to develop hinds’ feet, and become my companion and go where I go. If you will climb to the heights this once…even though it may seem a very long and in some places a very difficult journey, I promise you that you will develop hinds’ feet.”
I wrote this in a time of peaceful solitude this weekend.
Exodus
One small glance back
Then I shut the door.
Entered this new life you gave me.
Started fresh, eyes wide open
Never knew life could be so alive.
Then the honeymoon was over.
I saw the mire returning,
Looking to reclaim.
What I thought detestable
Now seemed full of appeal.
Maybe life before really wasn’t so bad.
But I need to follow you
On this Exodus.
To the land you’ve promised me.
The never-ending life you’ve granted me.
I can’t look back at
The bondage and consider it Holy.
When I see where your Exodus
Has brought me.
I used to justify my actions,
Blame them all on my past.
Tried to run from my nightmares
And never look back.
But you plucked me from the wide path,
Set my feet upon the narrow one.
And cleansed away all my shame
With the blood of your Son.
Maybe life now is all I could dream.
So I need to keep following you
On this Exodus.
Stop from crying out
‘The race is too hard.’
I have to cling to the promise,
I’m never alone.
I keep my eyes on your face
Till I reach the land of my own.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
T.V. Dinners
I had to think about this particular blog for quite a while before I dared write it. See, I have not been a Christian for so long that I understand all of the intricacies involved in using the correct terms, comprehending doctrines, and whose camp I should be in. My philosophy has been to take the pieces I understand as coming from the heart of Christ and going from there. I do not necessarily choose to embrace or condemn all of what anyone believes; after all, they are not God.
With that being said, I had planned on writing about T.V. dinners tonight. While I work during the day, I mull over my thoughts and I pray some, and by the time I am ready to write at night, my thoughts are cohesive enough to put on paper.
However, the sudden death of Jerry Falwell made me stop and think about something else. I heard the news from a conservative radio host, who said to watch and see how Falwell was eulogized by the media. Well, he was right. They kept using the word ‘fundamentalist’ and then they would talk about his accusation of a certain Tellytubbie being gay. Well, even I knew more about him than that.
Anyway, the way they were using the word fundamentalist bothered me. What about that word seemed to make people cringe? I turned to my handy online dictionaries at Merriam-Webster and Encarta for the answers. Here are some of my results.
5. belonging to one's innate or ingrained characteristics
1 a often capitalized: a movement in 20th century Protestantism emphasizing the literally interpreted Bible as fundamental to Christian life and teaching b: the beliefs of this movement c: adherence to such beliefs
2: a movement or attitude stressing strict and literal adherence to a set of basic principles
1. movement with strict view of doctrine: a religious or political movement based on a literal interpretation of and strict adherence to doctrine, especially as a return to former principles
2. support for literal explanation: the belief that religious or political doctrine should be implemented literally, not interpreted or adapted
This goes back to my original blog for tonight. People have gravitated from home-cooked meals to fast, quick, easy meals on the go. Why? Because we are always moving on to our next tasks, have to get to the next thing.
I fear that model has crept into our religion as well. We seek out God to solve our problems, line our pockets, and basically make our lives easier. At least I have a tendency to do that. Sure, I praise God on the good days. Nevertheless, I make sure I seek Him on the days things are not going well.
But how often am I seeking His heart? How often am I concerned for His well? And, how long do I pound on His door after I do not get an immediate answer that I seek? Have I condemned the world to a collision course to hell because of events I see on a daily basis?
Which returns me to the word fundamental. When did that become a bad word? Sure, Jerry Falwell said some things that were harsh on the ears. Even he admitted to making some mistakes in his life; things he wished he had not said. But why throw out the word whose definition describes how we should be on a daily basis.
Maybe we should spend less time focusing on things we cannot know on this side of heaven, and focus on the fundamentals we know to be true. How about literally interpreting Jesus commanded us to do? And, rather than interpreting God’s word to coddle everyone’s ears, we stick to the truth that we know?
So, to celebrate the word ‘fundamental,’ let us feast on the words of Jesus. And remember that being a fundamentalist is not necessarily a curse. Rather, let us focus on the bountiful feast that God’s word provides us. And may we all seek to be a fundamental light of the truth in a world that desperately needs it.
“Staying with it-that’s what God requires. Stay with it to the end. You won’t be sorry, and you’ll be saved.” Matthew 24.13
“Listen carefully to what I am saying-and be wary of the shrewd advice that tells you how to get ahead in the world on your own. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity. Stinginess impoverishes.” Mark 4.24-25
“I’m telling you, once and for all, that unless you return to square one and start over like children, you’re not even going to get a look at the kingdom, let alone get in. Whoever becomes simple and elemental again, like this child, will rank high in God’s kingdom. What’s more, when you receive the childlike on my account, it’s the same as receiving me.” Matthew 18.2-5
“Stand up for me against world opinion and I’ll stand up for you before my Father in heaven.” Matthew 10.23
Jesus was asked which commandment was the most important. His answer?
“The first in importance is, ‘Listen, Israel: The Lord your God is one; so love the Lord God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence and energy.’ And here is the second: Love others as well as you love yourself.’ There is no other commandment that ranks with these.” Mark 12.29-31
(All verses are quoted from The Message.)
I had to think about this particular blog for quite a while before I dared write it. See, I have not been a Christian for so long that I understand all of the intricacies involved in using the correct terms, comprehending doctrines, and whose camp I should be in. My philosophy has been to take the pieces I understand as coming from the heart of Christ and going from there. I do not necessarily choose to embrace or condemn all of what anyone believes; after all, they are not God.
With that being said, I had planned on writing about T.V. dinners tonight. While I work during the day, I mull over my thoughts and I pray some, and by the time I am ready to write at night, my thoughts are cohesive enough to put on paper.
However, the sudden death of Jerry Falwell made me stop and think about something else. I heard the news from a conservative radio host, who said to watch and see how Falwell was eulogized by the media. Well, he was right. They kept using the word ‘fundamentalist’ and then they would talk about his accusation of a certain Tellytubbie being gay. Well, even I knew more about him than that.
Anyway, the way they were using the word fundamentalist bothered me. What about that word seemed to make people cringe? I turned to my handy online dictionaries at Merriam-Webster and Encarta for the answers. Here are some of my results.
5. belonging to one's innate or ingrained characteristics
1 a often capitalized: a movement in 20th century Protestantism emphasizing the literally interpreted Bible as fundamental to Christian life and teaching b: the beliefs of this movement c: adherence to such beliefs
2: a movement or attitude stressing strict and literal adherence to a set of basic principles
1. movement with strict view of doctrine: a religious or political movement based on a literal interpretation of and strict adherence to doctrine, especially as a return to former principles
2. support for literal explanation: the belief that religious or political doctrine should be implemented literally, not interpreted or adapted
This goes back to my original blog for tonight. People have gravitated from home-cooked meals to fast, quick, easy meals on the go. Why? Because we are always moving on to our next tasks, have to get to the next thing.
I fear that model has crept into our religion as well. We seek out God to solve our problems, line our pockets, and basically make our lives easier. At least I have a tendency to do that. Sure, I praise God on the good days. Nevertheless, I make sure I seek Him on the days things are not going well.
But how often am I seeking His heart? How often am I concerned for His well? And, how long do I pound on His door after I do not get an immediate answer that I seek? Have I condemned the world to a collision course to hell because of events I see on a daily basis?
Which returns me to the word fundamental. When did that become a bad word? Sure, Jerry Falwell said some things that were harsh on the ears. Even he admitted to making some mistakes in his life; things he wished he had not said. But why throw out the word whose definition describes how we should be on a daily basis.
Maybe we should spend less time focusing on things we cannot know on this side of heaven, and focus on the fundamentals we know to be true. How about literally interpreting Jesus commanded us to do? And, rather than interpreting God’s word to coddle everyone’s ears, we stick to the truth that we know?
So, to celebrate the word ‘fundamental,’ let us feast on the words of Jesus. And remember that being a fundamentalist is not necessarily a curse. Rather, let us focus on the bountiful feast that God’s word provides us. And may we all seek to be a fundamental light of the truth in a world that desperately needs it.
“Staying with it-that’s what God requires. Stay with it to the end. You won’t be sorry, and you’ll be saved.” Matthew 24.13
“Listen carefully to what I am saying-and be wary of the shrewd advice that tells you how to get ahead in the world on your own. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity. Stinginess impoverishes.” Mark 4.24-25
“I’m telling you, once and for all, that unless you return to square one and start over like children, you’re not even going to get a look at the kingdom, let alone get in. Whoever becomes simple and elemental again, like this child, will rank high in God’s kingdom. What’s more, when you receive the childlike on my account, it’s the same as receiving me.” Matthew 18.2-5
“Stand up for me against world opinion and I’ll stand up for you before my Father in heaven.” Matthew 10.23
Jesus was asked which commandment was the most important. His answer?
“The first in importance is, ‘Listen, Israel: The Lord your God is one; so love the Lord God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence and energy.’ And here is the second: Love others as well as you love yourself.’ There is no other commandment that ranks with these.” Mark 12.29-31
(All verses are quoted from The Message.)
Friday, April 27, 2007
The search for friend
From the Merriam-Webster dictionary-
1: one attached to another by affection or esteem
2 a: one that is not hostile b: one that is of the same nation, party, or group4: a favored companion
From MSN Encarta-
3. ally: an ally, or somebody who is not an enemy
4. advocate of cause: a defender or supporter of a cause, group, or principle
I have been prone to bouts of solitude lately. Maybe you know the type; when you listen to the phone ring but you cannot muster up the energy to answer it. Anyway, that is where I have been at for what seems like forever. If I do talk with someone, it seems like it taps me dry.
At work, I have taken to wearing my headphones. I like to pretend like it’s to keep a happy tune in my head, but I am starting to believe that it is actually an isolation unit.
I have started getting aggravated when my husband asks me questions that I think he should know the answer to. Especially if the answer requires more than a one or two word answer.
I was starting to erect a large wall between God and myself before I went to an all-day prayer conference. It was there that I cried out to Him and begged for my self-inflicted isolation to crumble away.
After that, I was at least willing to talk to Him on a semi-regular basis. Within a matter of days, I received some horrible news that would completely rock my world. I will not go into it here. I will just say it was a ‘10’ on a scale of one to five.
I was sitting in the parking lot at work contemplating my next move. My head cried ‘retreat’ but my heart cried for attention and compassion. I let my heart win. I picked up my cell phone before I could change my mind and I reached out for a friend. I thought I would just have a general, generic call, but when she asked me how I was doing, the word ‘horrible’ spilled out.
Immediately, empathy poured out of her and it caused me to unload all I was carrying around. She listened, encouraged me to keep talking; until I had emptied myself of all the emotional baggage I had been carrying.
We then were able to move on to a conversation about Jesus, a conversation it turns out, that we both needed. I ended up feeling better than I had in weeks. We got together the next week and continued our conversation, which was just really good.
“A (wo)man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a (sister) brother.” Proverbs 18.24
“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command.” –Jesus in John 15.13-14
See, I do not think Jesus just meant His life, although that was His most important mission. I believe that when we take time out to truly listen to a friend, that you stop what you are doing, then you are also laying down your life. Jesus realized we were not meant to be alone. Even He did not want to be alone, and He was the Son of God.
I think Jesus showed us His emotional side when many of the people following Him decided His teachings were too tough and left Him. He asked His twelve disciples, “You do not want to leave too, do you?” Did He not want to be alone? I do not think He did.
On the night Jesus was betrayed, He went to pray to His Father. He took His disciples with Him, and asked them to stay there and watch. When He came back, they were sleeping. He asked them, “are you asleep? Could you not keep watch for one hour?” In Jesus’ time of need, when He was ‘deeply distressed and troubled, He needed to know He had friends around to support and care for Him.
We were not made to be solitary creatures. Unfortunately, in our day of email, cell phones and computers, we are capable of insulating ourselves from the world at hand. Nevertheless, it is frightening, and can even be dangerous.
The way I see it today is, if Jesus can be open about His needs and emotions, there is no reason I cannot too. And that is good enough for today.
From the Merriam-Webster dictionary-
1: one attached to another by affection or esteem
2 a: one that is not hostile b: one that is of the same nation, party, or group4: a favored companion
From MSN Encarta-
3. ally: an ally, or somebody who is not an enemy
4. advocate of cause: a defender or supporter of a cause, group, or principle
I have been prone to bouts of solitude lately. Maybe you know the type; when you listen to the phone ring but you cannot muster up the energy to answer it. Anyway, that is where I have been at for what seems like forever. If I do talk with someone, it seems like it taps me dry.
At work, I have taken to wearing my headphones. I like to pretend like it’s to keep a happy tune in my head, but I am starting to believe that it is actually an isolation unit.
I have started getting aggravated when my husband asks me questions that I think he should know the answer to. Especially if the answer requires more than a one or two word answer.
I was starting to erect a large wall between God and myself before I went to an all-day prayer conference. It was there that I cried out to Him and begged for my self-inflicted isolation to crumble away.
After that, I was at least willing to talk to Him on a semi-regular basis. Within a matter of days, I received some horrible news that would completely rock my world. I will not go into it here. I will just say it was a ‘10’ on a scale of one to five.
I was sitting in the parking lot at work contemplating my next move. My head cried ‘retreat’ but my heart cried for attention and compassion. I let my heart win. I picked up my cell phone before I could change my mind and I reached out for a friend. I thought I would just have a general, generic call, but when she asked me how I was doing, the word ‘horrible’ spilled out.
Immediately, empathy poured out of her and it caused me to unload all I was carrying around. She listened, encouraged me to keep talking; until I had emptied myself of all the emotional baggage I had been carrying.
We then were able to move on to a conversation about Jesus, a conversation it turns out, that we both needed. I ended up feeling better than I had in weeks. We got together the next week and continued our conversation, which was just really good.
“A (wo)man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a (sister) brother.” Proverbs 18.24
“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command.” –Jesus in John 15.13-14
See, I do not think Jesus just meant His life, although that was His most important mission. I believe that when we take time out to truly listen to a friend, that you stop what you are doing, then you are also laying down your life. Jesus realized we were not meant to be alone. Even He did not want to be alone, and He was the Son of God.
I think Jesus showed us His emotional side when many of the people following Him decided His teachings were too tough and left Him. He asked His twelve disciples, “You do not want to leave too, do you?” Did He not want to be alone? I do not think He did.
On the night Jesus was betrayed, He went to pray to His Father. He took His disciples with Him, and asked them to stay there and watch. When He came back, they were sleeping. He asked them, “are you asleep? Could you not keep watch for one hour?” In Jesus’ time of need, when He was ‘deeply distressed and troubled, He needed to know He had friends around to support and care for Him.
We were not made to be solitary creatures. Unfortunately, in our day of email, cell phones and computers, we are capable of insulating ourselves from the world at hand. Nevertheless, it is frightening, and can even be dangerous.
The way I see it today is, if Jesus can be open about His needs and emotions, there is no reason I cannot too. And that is good enough for today.
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Thank you God, for sending your Son to rescue us. May we all recognize and rejoice his resurrection this New Passover Sunday.
O come, O come, Emmanuel,
And ransom captive Israel,
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear.
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.
O come, Thou Wisdom from on high,
Who orderest all things mightily;
To us the path of knowledge show,
And teach us in her ways to go.
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel
O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free
Thine own from Satan’s tyranny;
From depths of hell Thy people save,
And give them victory over the grave.
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel
O come, Thou Day-spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here;
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night,
And death’s dark shadows put to flight.
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel
O come, Thou Key of David, come,
And open wide our heavenly home;
Make safe the way that leads on high,
And close the path to misery.
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel
O come, O come, great Lord of might,
Who to Thy tribes on Sinai’s height
In ancient times once gave the law
In cloud and majesty and awe.
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel
O come, Thou Root of Jesse’s tree,
An ensign of Thy people be;
Before Thee rulers silent fall;
All peoples on Thy mercy call.
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel
O come, Desire of nations, bind
In one the hearts of all mankind;
Bid Thou our sad divisions cease,
And be Thyself our King of Peace.
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel
O come, O come, Emmanuel,
And ransom captive Israel,
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear.
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.
O come, Thou Wisdom from on high,
Who orderest all things mightily;
To us the path of knowledge show,
And teach us in her ways to go.
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel
O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free
Thine own from Satan’s tyranny;
From depths of hell Thy people save,
And give them victory over the grave.
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel
O come, Thou Day-spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here;
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night,
And death’s dark shadows put to flight.
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel
O come, Thou Key of David, come,
And open wide our heavenly home;
Make safe the way that leads on high,
And close the path to misery.
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel
O come, O come, great Lord of might,
Who to Thy tribes on Sinai’s height
In ancient times once gave the law
In cloud and majesty and awe.
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel
O come, Thou Root of Jesse’s tree,
An ensign of Thy people be;
Before Thee rulers silent fall;
All peoples on Thy mercy call.
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel
O come, Desire of nations, bind
In one the hearts of all mankind;
Bid Thou our sad divisions cease,
And be Thyself our King of Peace.
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
WILL- verb
From the Merriam-Webster dictionary:
1. used to express desire, choice, willingness, consent
2. used to express frequent, customary, or habitual action or natural tendency or disposition
4. used to express capability or sufficiency
6. used to express determination, insistence, persistence, or willfulness
“If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!” Matthew 7.11
The man with leprosy
“A man came and knelt before [Jesus] and said, ‘Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.’
Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. ‘I am willing’ he said. ‘Be clean!’ Immediately he was cured of his leprosy.” Matthew 8.2-3
God gave me the first scripture verse this morning. I decided to go on a prayer retreat. I figured this would be my last attempt at salvaging my relationship with Him. See, I am currently a shell of the woman I was three months ago. Three months ago I was in graduate school, I was deacon of Women’s Ministry at my church, and I taught a new believers class. I felt that spiritually, I was at the top of my game.
Apparently not. As you may or may not know, I had a stroke in December. I was in a coma for a length of time, and went through a long series of physical therapies to regain my strength.
And here is where the dilemma arose. When I returned to church, I started hearing phrases like, ‘Well here’s our walking miracle.’ And ‘This event really strengthened my faith.’ But I felt nothing. No walks in heaven when I was in the coma and no deep spiritual awakening when I woke up.
It took a very wise woman to say, ‘Maybe this wasn’t about you. Maybe God is working through you.’ Ouch. That had never occurred to me. Unfortunately, that revelation did not spark a renewed desire to speak to God, or to go into His word. I remained an island unto myself. I retreated into a corner to lick my wounds. To avoid spiritual small talk, I started ignoring people. I would walk into church with my head down.
God had effectively stripped away all the good things I was doing for Him. I had not even realized how all my thoughts and desires for God was stemming from my head and not my heart. Now I was naked with nothing to show for my efforts.
Now, back to today’s story. At the retreat, we gathered in a room to discuss the day’s plan. We would go somewhere where we could meet God in the stillness of ourselves. Scripture reading, journaling, even drawing was suggested methods of connecting with Him. As I was leaving the classroom to start my retreat, I heard ‘Matthew 7.11’ in my head. It was quite audible. I was convinced it was I doing the thinking, and I tried not to get my hopes up. I thought, ‘I’m sure it’s some passage like, ‘Jesus was out walking the streets.’
When I read the verse, the word ‘will’ spoke to my heart. Immediately I thought about will being a word to describe the action of willingness to do something. You have to be willing in order to give. Otherwise, it is forcing as the action. This passage tells me that God is willing to be an active force in my life. He has the natural tendency and the sufficiency to meet me right where I am. And He is extremely capable and persistent at pursuing me even when I avoid Him.
So, my next thought is, What am I willing to give Him in return? Can I really trust Him with my heart? Trust Him to take away all the hurts inflicted by those who abused me and those who were complacent abandoners? Am I willing to trust that He is right beside me every step of the way? Most importantly, can I be willing to hand over the pain so that He might seek vengeance for me? Can I dare take a chance to believe He will not be another one who has let me down?
The writer Henri Nouwen said, “Faith is the radical trust that home has always been there and always will be there.” Am I willing to abandon my service for my love?
“Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.” Psalm 51.12
“If anyone is (willing) chooses to do God’s will, he will find out whether my teaching comes from God or whether I speak on my own.” John 7.17
And I finish for now with the word of the great Saint Augustine; “Understanding is the reward of faith…What is, ‘If any man be willing to do His will?’ It is the same thing as to believe.
From the Merriam-Webster dictionary:
1. used to express desire, choice, willingness, consent
2. used to express frequent, customary, or habitual action or natural tendency or disposition
4. used to express capability or sufficiency
6. used to express determination, insistence, persistence, or willfulness
“If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!” Matthew 7.11
The man with leprosy
“A man came and knelt before [Jesus] and said, ‘Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.’
Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. ‘I am willing’ he said. ‘Be clean!’ Immediately he was cured of his leprosy.” Matthew 8.2-3
God gave me the first scripture verse this morning. I decided to go on a prayer retreat. I figured this would be my last attempt at salvaging my relationship with Him. See, I am currently a shell of the woman I was three months ago. Three months ago I was in graduate school, I was deacon of Women’s Ministry at my church, and I taught a new believers class. I felt that spiritually, I was at the top of my game.
Apparently not. As you may or may not know, I had a stroke in December. I was in a coma for a length of time, and went through a long series of physical therapies to regain my strength.
And here is where the dilemma arose. When I returned to church, I started hearing phrases like, ‘Well here’s our walking miracle.’ And ‘This event really strengthened my faith.’ But I felt nothing. No walks in heaven when I was in the coma and no deep spiritual awakening when I woke up.
It took a very wise woman to say, ‘Maybe this wasn’t about you. Maybe God is working through you.’ Ouch. That had never occurred to me. Unfortunately, that revelation did not spark a renewed desire to speak to God, or to go into His word. I remained an island unto myself. I retreated into a corner to lick my wounds. To avoid spiritual small talk, I started ignoring people. I would walk into church with my head down.
God had effectively stripped away all the good things I was doing for Him. I had not even realized how all my thoughts and desires for God was stemming from my head and not my heart. Now I was naked with nothing to show for my efforts.
Now, back to today’s story. At the retreat, we gathered in a room to discuss the day’s plan. We would go somewhere where we could meet God in the stillness of ourselves. Scripture reading, journaling, even drawing was suggested methods of connecting with Him. As I was leaving the classroom to start my retreat, I heard ‘Matthew 7.11’ in my head. It was quite audible. I was convinced it was I doing the thinking, and I tried not to get my hopes up. I thought, ‘I’m sure it’s some passage like, ‘Jesus was out walking the streets.’
When I read the verse, the word ‘will’ spoke to my heart. Immediately I thought about will being a word to describe the action of willingness to do something. You have to be willing in order to give. Otherwise, it is forcing as the action. This passage tells me that God is willing to be an active force in my life. He has the natural tendency and the sufficiency to meet me right where I am. And He is extremely capable and persistent at pursuing me even when I avoid Him.
So, my next thought is, What am I willing to give Him in return? Can I really trust Him with my heart? Trust Him to take away all the hurts inflicted by those who abused me and those who were complacent abandoners? Am I willing to trust that He is right beside me every step of the way? Most importantly, can I be willing to hand over the pain so that He might seek vengeance for me? Can I dare take a chance to believe He will not be another one who has let me down?
The writer Henri Nouwen said, “Faith is the radical trust that home has always been there and always will be there.” Am I willing to abandon my service for my love?
“Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.” Psalm 51.12
“If anyone is (willing) chooses to do God’s will, he will find out whether my teaching comes from God or whether I speak on my own.” John 7.17
And I finish for now with the word of the great Saint Augustine; “Understanding is the reward of faith…What is, ‘If any man be willing to do His will?’ It is the same thing as to believe.
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