My weekend with the Lord…or lead me from the Labyrinth

I interrupt my series on words to bring you a story of restoration and more evidence on the power of prayer. I had many of you praying for me this past weekend, as I was to embark on a spiritual quest. Thigh bone broken or not, some things needed to be wrestled out with God. The prayer was for both strength and protection from impending spiritual warfare.

The prayer retreat was in itself a gift from the Lord. I had needed to go into an extended time of prayer and meditation for a while now. As you may or may not know, I dealt with child abuse as a child and young adult. My mother was, (and is) suffering from depression. As a result, she did a lot of things that she no longer remembers. So, I cannot extract my pound of flesh from getting her to remember and confess to her sins.

So the burden falls on me and the Lord. In order to proceed into a deeper relationship with Christ and feel safe doing ministry work, I needed to ‘clean the pipes’ as a dear mentor once told me. I was carrying years of anger, rage, sadness, pity, fear, resentment, rejection and scarring (I made a list.) I needed to work through my feelings with God and my mother, and assorted family members.

So, my counselor and I were waiting on the Lord for the opportune time for me to go on a retreat. Well, that time came last weekend. The retreat was offered last minute to my church. ‘Coincidentally,’ my husband was going up north and taking our children with him. Here was my big chance!

I had a set agenda. I was going to go off on my own and do some primal screaming, breaking of branches, and lots of crying. There were about fourteen of us on the retreat. We started out Friday night with a relaxing dinner. Then, our pastor led us on a directed prayer journey through John 13.1-5. It’s the passage that describes Jesus washing the disciples’ feet.

1It was just before the Passover Feast. Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love. 2The evening meal was being served, and the devil had already prompted Judas Iscariot, son of Simon, to betray Jesus. 3Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; 4so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. 5After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples' feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.

Our pastor led us into directed contemplation about this passage. We wrapped our minds around what this scene really looked like. What were the sounds, smells? Then he had us put ourselves into the place of one of the disciples and think about how it must have felt having the Lord wash our feet. The whole exercise was a beautiful reflection into scripture, and for me, set the tone of the weekend.

Then, we played games and laughed hysterically for the rest of the night. This was nothing at all like I was expecting. It certainly didn’t fit my agenda.

When we were finally let on our own the next morning, it was off to business. However, my pastor just had to say one more thing in his prayer for us. Here is a paraphrase, “Father, I ask if there is anyone going out with their own expectations for the day, I ask that you make them flexible to your plans.’ Great. Now I had that to deal with. But I took it in stride. As I was walking outside, I prayed, “Ok God, if you want to run this encounter differently, then I’m willing to go with the flow.”

Remember, my original plan was to go deep into the woods and get busy with some primal emotions. Instead, the Lord led me to a Labyrinth that was cut into the grounds at the retreat center. How could this ever help vent the anger I needed to get out?

Still going with the flow, I started by walking around the Labyrinth cautiously, checking it out. Actually, I was wondering how stupid I would look walking around a maze. At least it had no dead ends. When I got around the perimeter, I gave up and walked up the path. It actually resembled the Labyrinth I pictured above. It seemed like I would hit the middle right from the start. I thought that would be a little too easy. (It was here I started to notice parallels to my spiritual journey) instead, the path veered away from the center. It wound around one side and then the other. At one point, I thought it was going to spit me out, that I had missed a turn somewhere, (another parallel), but I was wrong. The next time it seemed like that, I knew better and was less anxious (parallel there too.) I could see where people had tamped the grass down where they had given up their walk.

Throughout the walk, I spoke to God about the things that had happened to me throughout my life. I cried some. But the whole time I felt very reassured by His close presence and His love for me. Somehow, by my obedience and His gentle prodding, I was able to release the years of hurt into His care. He really showed me my mother’s intense brokenness.

After I made it to the center, I sat for a few minutes thanking and praising Him. Then, I went to a tree I had been eying and sat underneath it. I looked up at the branches and started almost immediately thinking about the fact that I had already been grafted in as a child of the Lord. That I was to remain abiding in His ways and trust He was walking me down the right path, no matter what it looked like. He reassured me that I shouldn’t give up, but continue where He had laid my path. He also reminded me of the passage in Ephesians, where He had spoken to me before.

“In love, He predestined us to adoption as sons (and daughters) through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will,” Ephesians 1.5

He adopted me from my past. Not so I could abandon it, or forget it ever happened, as that would negate a good portion of my life. But God has adopted me as one of His own, and He has healed my wounds, and wiped my tears. I will do well to remember that.