Εξετάζω, επομένως είμαι.
(I question, therefore I am.)

Question:
1: to ask a question of or about
2: to interrogate intensively:
3 a: doubt; dispute b: to subject to analysis

Three stories. Three very different women.

The first woman is my mother in Christ. She is the one that took it upon herself, with her Jesus, to wean me from milk to solid food. She patiently and passionately answered all of my questions about this God I had encountered. She was not afraid to show me her scars, her wounds, in order to display the truth of the Christian life. She believed that “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.” 2 Timothy 3.16
But she questioned for a while in her life. She still does, but not to the extent she had at one point. During the period in her life when she had fallen away from Jesus, she worked at a grocery store. She later reflected that it seemed to her that every check that passed over her counter seemed to have a scripture verse on it, or an image of Jesus or the cross. She was certain that Jesus loved her even when she had walked away.
She used that story, and many others, to demonstrate the outrageous love of her Father. She lives her life unashamed of the poignant love between her and her God. That in despite of the fact that her children are distant from her. She instead, chooses to trust God that He is indeed working on their lives. She still questions certain aspects of her life; where she lives, where God wants her, things like that. However, she trusts God, in her own words, as a “Man of His word.”

The second woman is a dear friend in Christ. I have known her for several years, but I got to know her better this past weekend. She too has children that are estranged, but her grieving process is still more raw, closer to the surface. In truth, it has broken her. She reminded me of a scared doe, seeking something just beyond the horizon.
This weekend we were talking about the strengths God has bestowed upon His children. One of her strengths happened to be the gift of connectedness. A brief definition of connectedness: “…You gain confidence from knowing that we are not isolated from one another or from the earth and the life on it.” That gave her pain because she did not feel connected. She questioned where God was in this chaos, and where her ministry would be.
When she spoke of her feelings of disconnectedness, I felt God stirring uncontrollably in my Spirit. He was grieving for her pain, for what was being done to His precious daughter. It was at that point He told me to speak into her life.
I told her, quite truthfully, about my feelings of love for her. I expressed to her the feelings of God’s love that radiated from her. I told her how I would notice her from afar at church and just be thankful for her presence. I wanted her to know that I felt she was a model of how the Christian woman carried herself; with grace and a beautiful sense of God’s love.
God used that experience to break the strong chains that had surrounded her heart. I confess I had nothing to do with it; I was just a messenger with a word of love and encouragement.
By the end of the weekend, she was a changed woman. She had found the voice she feared was lost. The power and the force of God’s amazing grace was devastating.

Then we get to the third woman. She has had a life that defines the word pain. Divorced young in life with a young child, she struggled to cope. Having no job and no support, she relied on the government to help her raise her child. She was positive another love was on the way.
But it was never to come. Instead, her body became ravished by age and chronic pain. The demons of depression and isolation came to visit and took up residence in her life. She found herself alone, utterly alone. Television and cigarettes became her only friend. Her child was far away by that time, having run away from her own demons.
I tried to speak Jesus’ love into her life. She countered by describing all of the atrocities in the world, asking the age old question, “Where is God in all of the ugliness of this life?” was her cry. She related to me how much she had prayed to God for a new love, a restored relationship with her siblings and her daughter, anything to make her life a little better. At one point, she thought God had answered her prayers with a male companion, but he turned out to be a monster.
In the end, she was still inconsolable. She believed in God, she just didn’t believe He believed in her. This woman is my own mother.

I know in my heart of hearts that God loves these three women the same. He wants us to rail and thrash when we are confused, when we hurt. He loves us before we ever consider loving Him. Jesus cries when we cry, He is there when we hurt and we have to know and understand that with every part of our innermost being. In our deep parts where nothing else can penetrate, we have to know He is our strength.

“God is God. He is more than a superhuman being with an intellect keener than ours and a capacity for loving greater than ours. He is Unique, Uncreated, Infinite, Totally Other than we are. He surpasses and transcends all human concepts, considerations and expectations. He is beyond anything we can intellectualize or imagine. That is why God is a scandal to men and women-because He cannot be comprehended by a finite mind.” – Brennan Manning.

The difference between these three women is that the last one has let go of the right questions and has resorted to asking the wrong ones. She is wondering, “Why me?” There is no answer to that question. Her question should be, “Where are You in all this pain and suffering?” His answer? “Right here, precious daughter.” He may not remove the pain from any of us, but He will offer His peace and His love that fills any amount of loneliness and rejection. And those aren’t just words.

“You let the distress bring you to God, not drive you from him. The result was all gain, no loss. Distress that drives us to God does that. It turns us around. It gets us back in the way of salvation. We never regret that kind of pain. But those who let distress drive them away from God are full of regrets, end up on a deathbed of regrets. And now, isn't it wonderful all the ways in which this distress has goaded you closer to God? You're more alive, more concerned, more sensitive, more reverent, more human, more passionate, more responsible. Looked at from any angle, you've come out of this with purity of heart.” – 2 Corinthians 7.9b-11

The saddest part is that in our humanness, that can sound like just words. God can handle the questions; we need to handle the answers.

And in the end? The final question is answered. "He'll wipe every tear from their eyes. Death is gone for good - tears gone, crying gone, pain gone - all the first order of things gone." Revelation 21.4