I have been pondering

1: to weigh in the mind
2: to think about: reflect on
3: to think or consider especially quietly, soberly, and deeply


As my relationship with Jesus continues, I have begun to notice a pattern. When certain subjects or events continue to occur in rapid succession, He is trying to tell me something. For example, when He wanted me to focus on my relationships, all the devotionals, scripture passages and books I came across had to do with relationships.

So I caught on quickly when a pattern started to emerge. It started with a book. I was on my quarterly book-buying mission for my church when I came across a cover that intrigued me. I became a Christian and all I got was this lousy t-shirt. I love that title. Either it was the title, or God’s nudging, or both that led me to buy the book.

I have to tell you that I ate that book. Not literally of course, but I felt consumed by the book. I wrote a little about it last time. It is by a pastor named Vince Antonucci. He described a Christian that I saw when I looked in a mirror. When I became a Christian, I bought a Christian tee shirt, necklace, Bible and Bible cover, bracelet, CDs, books, bumper stickers and wall hangings. I was set. I also settled into trying as hard as I could to being the best following of Christ I could be. But I still struggled with knowing that Jesus loved me.

Mr. Antonucci writes, “The problem is that I struggled to feel loved by Jesus. And not feeling loved by Jesus created distance between us. It led to an inability to develop intimacy, to an unwillingness to abide. I was just in a cordial relationship with him. I was his employee and his buddy, but I didn’t feel like the one Jesus loved.” (39)

So, as I have been pondering what I read about abiding in his book, other things have come up. I cannot begin to sum up his thoughts on abiding, but here is a blurb: “And so abiding is about living in the presence of: it’s about depending on, it’s about trusting in, it’s about communicating with.” (82)

“Help me to understand these things inside and out so I can ponder your miracle-wonders.” Psalm 119.27

So, I met with my pastor about teaching this book in a Sunday School class, because I believe the whole world should read this book, and he said he has an idea. He’s been reading a book entitled, I’m Fine with God, It’s Christians I Can’t Stand. Basically, it is about how Christians misrepresent ourselves to the world and give us all a bad name. By making crappy movies and telling everyone what we are against, they are turning people off from Christianity and making our message the wrong one.

So, here is my pondering in a nutshell. Or a watermelon to be more accurate. As many of you who have been reading this blog for a while know, my life was in the toilet when Christ called me. I had a drug problem, a cheating problem, and a complete lack of responsibility problem. Before I became a Christian, I wanted the local Christian radio station pulled off the air because it interrupted my scan on my car stereo. But when Christ said my name, I never once stopped to think, ‘but what about those awful Christians who make bad movies, or who insulate themselves from the world?’ All I could do was run to Christ for dear life and cry.

“Oh how I love all you’ve revealed; I reverently ponder it all the day long.” Psalm 119.97

However, I was lead all over the place when I got around other Christians. I found out that we were supposed to be against homosexuals. We were supposed to reject Halloween. We should avoid secular music, movies and books at all cost. WHAT?@?

So, I ponder these things now. Do I think Christians should be secret agents for Jesus? Yes. Especially in these days when we have this current world to live in. But, do I think anything will stop a person who Christ is truly calling? I don’t think so. All of the arguments against Jesus vanished for me. The day after, I was searching for that same Christian radio station I wanted off the air because I somehow knew they could help me in my journey.

What I especially need to ponder is ‘what now?’ I am working on a book about my life before and after Christ. I pray that it will speak to people who think for whatever reason that they are too tarnished for Jesus. I believe I need to stick closely to the love I experienced when Jesus spoke to me the first time. And that will safeguard me from being a Christian people cannot stand.

“Look up at the skies, ponder the earth under your feet. The skies will fade out like smoke, the earth will wear out like work pants, and the people will die off like flies. But my salvation will last forever, my setting-things-right will never be obsolete.” Isaiah 51.6

Oh, to linger

1. To remain or stay on in a place longer than is usual or expected, as if from reluctance to leave
2. To dwell in contemplation, thought or enjoyment
3. To pass (time, life, etc) in a leisurely manner

There are several places where I like to linger. Anywhere with my nose stuck in a good book is one place. I can get caught up in a well-written book, especially if I can’t tell how it will end within the first ten pages. Another place I like to linger is outside, in a solitary place, when the wind is blowing just slightly, the temperature is about 70º and it is partly cloudy. Another place I love to linger is in my comfortable bed, with the covers all tousled about me, with my pillow in just the right position under my head.

Unfortunately, I do not get as much time in any of these places as I would like. I have to move about, running from one tedious task to another. I have to run off to work, run off to the store to do yet another errand to get something, run home to meet the kids to take them somewhere. It gets to the point where I am in the middle of a task thinking about the next time I’ll get a free moment to myself to linger somewhere I’m happy. I have made a date with myself to go to the Art Institute for about three weeks now.

Not to mention all the running, but I am also frantically looking for a job. My job ‘expires’ in a few months, and not only that, but I do not bring in enough money anyhow. I keep praying, waiting for God to point me in a direction, but I have yet to hear anything. All I can seem to sense is that He wants me to write, but I need to be paid for that too. I cannot linger in my current job situation for long.

So, you would wonder, is my spiritual life like this too? Yup, you bet. When I am with the Lord, I could stay there forever. When I am worshipping in church on Sunday, and we sing a song that takes me right to God’s altar, I love to linger. When I am praying, and I can sense God’s presence, I would love to linger there forever.

I am reading a book titled, I became a Christian, and all I got was this lousy t-shirt. Let me repeat an excerpt that I really appreciated.

“I need to look for flickers of God in unexpected places. The ancient Celtics believed in what they called ‘thin places.’ These are places where the natural and supernatural worlds come together at their narrowest, with only a thin veil between them. When you’re in a thin place you’re able to catch a glimpse of God, and it becomes easier to sense his presence.”

I had an opportunity to experience a ‘thin place’ this past weekend. My son and I went to church by ourselves; my daughter was out of town and my husband was sleeping (he worked all night). My son is seven, and he really likes to sing. Well, we began singing “Your Name.” Here are a few lines from the song:

Your Name
Your Name is a strong and mighty tower
Your Name is a shelter like no other
Your Name, let the nations sing it louder
'Cause nothing has the power to save
But Your Name

Every time we sang the words ‘your name,’ my son got louder. When we sang, ‘sing it louder,’ he did. We repeated this chorus three or four times, and each time it seemed my son was a bit louder. I snuck a peek around and people had smiles on their faces. After the song was over, I leaned over and said in a whisper, “Maybe you could sing a little softer.” He looked at me, and then asked, “Why, are you embarrassed?” The arrow pierced my heart immediately. I quickly said no, and then told him he could worship the Lord however he wanted to. The next song, he was right back at it. And all I could do was thank God for lending me a son who loved Jesus with all his heart and wanted to pour his love back to his Creator. That was indeed a thin place. I need more thin places in my life.

"We're in no hurry, God. We're content to linger in the path sign-posted with your decisions. Who you are and what you've done are all we'll ever want." Isaiah 26.8

If I do indeed have the Holy Spirit living inside of me, which I do, then I have the ability to tap into His strength. His strength can help me linger where I belong. I need to linger in moments like this Sunday with my son. I need to linger when I am writing these postings and I sense God nodding His head. I need to linger with God at every moment of every day.

There was a man of God named Frank Laubach. I could write another thousand words about him, but here is what I want to focus on now. Frank devoted his life to focusing on God. He devoted himself to looking for God and listening to God throughout each moment of every day. He wrote in his journal, “Can I bring the Lord back in my mind flow every few seconds so that God shall always be in my mind? I choose to make the rest of my life an experiment in answering this question.”

Frank knew what it meant to linger. Do I? Do you?