who i am

I need to level with everyone reading this blog.  I may have mentioned before, but it bears repeating. I was a drug addict.  When I was ‘born again,’ Jesus needed to pull me out of a gutter.  
I have been using drugs since I was fourteen years old.  As a matter of record, I dropped out of my high school ‘Just Say No’ club to smoke pot instead.  
I knew better than to start using.  I had just watched my mother’s lover die from an overdose a few months before I started.  It was one of the most horrific and most intense times I had ever experienced, and it was still not enough to dissuade me.  
I used drugs and alcohol to cope with life until Jesus met me.  I was hell bent on destroying my family; abandoning my children, to live a life I thought I deserved.  I had convinced myself it would even be a better life. And right before I closed the door on my life…
In walked Jesus Christ.  

That is the true story of who I was.  Why do I bring this up now?  Because I never want to start to convince myself I came this far using my own strength, or this is somehow my doing.  Even more importantly, I never want anyone reading this blog to assume I started out any differently.  I desperately need you to understand who I was, and who I am in Christ.  

At times, it is possible to forget that old girl.  She was such a fool, while I can attempt to keep things together.  I work at a church, I am actively involved in ministry, I have a piece of paper from a school saying I graduated (see profile picture.) And this, my greatest achievement.  I have wanted to be a writer since the age of six, and I know it reaches the people intended. And while those are wonderful things, we need to keep our eyes focused on the source from which that all flows.  In other words, we need to look at what girl does with her own life, and what Jesus does with same girl’s life.

Why do I bring this up now?  Well, my story does a great job in bringing glory and honor to God.  Aside from that, if I keep it to myself, it remains a story.  But I am finding it more and more important that you know Jesus is not looking for perfection.  To paraphrase an idea; how can Jesus fill a glass that is already full?  No.  Jesus comes for all of us who feel like giving up; who know life is too much to bear alone.  It’s that backed up in a corner feeling that He is waiting for you to notice you have been feeling.

There is no such thing as thinking you need to be cleaned up before you search for God.  Trust me on that one.  You need to take your junk, your baggage, your dirt, and show up at His doorstep.  It is so much easier than waiting until life gets better on your own.

Oh, and one more thing.  Jesus is a gentleman.  He will not barge in.  He is waiting on the other side for you to give some indication that He is welcome.  Here was my invitation to Jesus, “Ok God.  My life is a complete disaster.  If you think you can do better with it, it’s all yours.  Have at it.”  
That was all it took.

I want to share my favorite story that Jesus tells in the Bible.  The first time I read it, I knew that I was the misfit Jesus spoke of.  I pictured the beautiful way God invites every one of us to be with Him, and how He must feel when some reject His offer.  I am thankful I said yes.


The story of the Dinner Party

Jesus said, “There was once a man who threw a great dinner party and invited many.  When it was time for dinner, he sent out his servant to the invited guests, saying, ‘Come on in; the food’s on the table.’  
Then they all began to beg off, one after another making excuses.  The first said, ‘I bought a piece of property and need to look it over.  Send my regrets.’  
Another said, ‘I just bought five teams of oxen, and I really need to check them out.  Send my regrets.’
And yet another said, ‘I just got married and need to get home to my wife.’
The servant went back and told the master what had happened.  He was outraged and told the servant. ‘Quickly, get out into the city streets and alleys.  Collect all who look like they need a square meal, all the misfits and homeless and wretched you can lay your hands on, and bring them here.’
The servant reported back, ‘Master, I did what you commanded, and there’s still more room.’
The master said, ‘Then go to the country roads.  Whoever you find, drag them in.  I want my house full!  Let me tell you, not one of those originally invited is going to get so much as a bite at my dinner party.’

I still weep when I think about the amazing love our Maker has for us.  He wants to throw a party for us; the imperfect.  And for this girl, party’s on!