brush

Screaming Trees-Shadow of the Season

The hour is ending, can’t you see
There is no way now, to get free
In the shadow of the season

Without a reason, to carry on
Without a reason, without a reason

And from the north woods
Down to the valley
In a world of hurting,
I’m moving on
And from the lighthouse
Out on the ocean
Can’t climb the mountain, so very tall

Said Lord please give me what I need
He said there’s pain and misery
Oh sweet oblivion feels alright

The hour is drawing ever closer
And rolling over, won’t let me be
In the shadow of the season
To find a reason, to carry on

Said Lord please give me what I need
He said there’s pain and misery
Oh sweet oblivion

She calls me onward to her side
And feels her song deep inside
And find a reason

In the shadow of the season
To find a reason to carry on
In the shadow of the season
To find a reason to carry on
Find a reason to carry on
To carry on
To find a reason to carry on
To carry on

Oblivion-the state of being completely forgotten. That is what my handy dictionary says anyway.
This is not a Christian song. This is from a band I loved during my college years. Still do, actually. It is one of the few bands I retained when I became a Christian. I listened to some rather intense rock, and it was very angry. This band has such an incredible sound that they are hard to give up. I have the pleasure of listening to the CD while I write this. It brings back memories.
I tried to walk a straight path in college. I studied, and I excelled in everything I did. However, something was still missing, and nothing could help me avoid the empty space inside me. I found my initial release in a little music store down the road from my dorm. The first time I walked in there, I thought I was in music heaven. They sold used tapes, and for a college girl, the price was right. It allowed me to find new music I might not have otherwise.
This CD makes me thing of something else though; about the invisible wounds that are walking right past us all the time. I loved this song, I look at the lyrics now, and I think about how many of us have felt the same at one time or another. Why did I love this tape? The answer is because I could relate. The songwriter asks the Lord for what he needs and the Lord’s reply is that there’s nothing but pain and misery.
What’s not to believe in that statement? I have certainly experienced more than my share of pain and misery in my life. I have accumulated wounds from myself and wounds from others. How can we find a way to carry on?
My invisible wound is my childhood. I was abused both physically and mentally for most of my youth. It doesn’t disappear with time. It comes back in the oddest of times; when I am trying to relate to a friend, or when someone is going through remorse; with both situations, I freeze up. Some of my emotions and reactions to life have been damaged and that is something that I have to deal with in my life.
But is the answer to seek oblivion? Is the answer to blame God for misery and wallow in it until the end? Is the answer to fill the wound with drugs, sex and alcohol? Is the answer to achieve the American Dream and hide behind it? None of those helped me to permanently escape.
The sweetest paradox to Christianity for me is undeserved forgiveness. I went through my life not deserving the abuse I was handed. My life dragged on day after day, and it was hard to see the end. So, now this Christianity appears on the scene and I find out that I do not deserve anything.
Ah, but thankfully it does not end there. It turns out Jesus wants to give me forgiveness, and mercy and eternal life. I do not have to choose oblivion. God does not hand me pain and misery. Life is not all roses, but it is certainly not oblivion.
I am not angry. Instead, I feel release, peace. What is temporary trouble when eternity is right around the corner?
I think I will leave the ending up to Paul tonight. How about 2 Corinthians 5.16-20

“…We don’t evaluate people by what they have or how they look, we looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly do not look at him that way anymore. Now we look inside and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone, a new life burgeons! Look at it. All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between him and us. And then called us to sell our relationships with teach other. God put the world square with Himself through the Messiah, giving the world’s fresh state by offering forgiveness of sin”

How can I stay angry when Jesus offers to take the pain upon Himself? How can I remain oblivious to the truth? How can you? Think about it.