A job application
This is how I used to read the help wanted ads:
“Wanted to fill immediate position: devout, perfect Christian for full-time service. Must be well kept in demeanor and stature. Must uphold ALL 10 Commandments and be able to recite them when asked. Should be able to quote scripture verses at any and all applicable situations. Would prefer candidate who is judgmental and critical; pious living is necessary.
The ideal candidate will have accumulated a lifetime of training in all things godly. Any tarnished history should be entirely removed. Mistakes or accidents will not be tolerated. Republican a plus. Please apply in person (wear your Sunday best!) at local churches in town.
It may appear as if I am exaggerating with the above statements; but I assure you, the exaggeration is minimal. Before I sold out my life to the Lord, I truly saw things this way. Because I was afraid of being exposed as a fraud, I have made some errors.
Because I was afraid of being lonely again, I decided to make it my mission to know as many people as possible at church. I did not want to be a loner or a loser in life any longer, so I became a politician instead.
Because I was afraid of failure, I decided to strive for perfection. I wanted everything to go perfectly in my life of service for the Lord, so I pushed myself to the brink of breakdown.
Because I was afraid of being called a phony, I became as involved as possible with ministries: many of them. I wanted to be validated as a Christian, so I spread myself as thin as possible.
Because I was afraid of losing God’s love, I tried to never sin. I wanted Him to love me, and when I failed at my attempts of a sinless life, I assumed I lost His love.
Because I was afraid of my past, I tried to figure out everything I was against. I wanted to set up safeguards to avoid temptation, so I prohibited everything and everyone who was not perfect and holy. In my opinion anyway.
Because I had made so many mistakes in my life before Christ, I tried to become pious and perfect. I wanted to change my life 180ยบ, so I became a hypocrite.
I did do some things right however:
Because I thought my story could help others, I decided to become completely transparent. If you think I am being too hard on myself, do not feel too badly for me. Today’s blog is still to help others. I know other people see Christians the way I described them in the help wanted ad. I want you to know that sometimes Christians seem uptight and judgmental because we are scared. We forget that we have all fallen short of the glory of God (see Romans 3.23) and we begin to think we have it all together. I am transparent in who I am and where I have been because for me, there is no other way to live.
How the real Help Wanted ad appears:
“…I am with you/to rescue and save you, declares the Lord. I will save you from the hands of the wicked and redeem you from the grasp of the cruel.” (Jeremiah 15.20.b-21)
“I said, ‘you are my servant’; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” (Isaiah 41.9-10)
“I tell you the truth; whoever hears my word and believes Him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned…” (Jesus in John 5.24)
“Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.” (Jesus in John 12.26)
“You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit-fruit that will last.” (Jesus in John 15.16)
It seems that this help wanted ad read differently than the one my head was telling me. The truth is that Jesus wants us exactly as we are. He made us, He knows us, and there are no surprises to Him. The most liberating part of this message is that God does not need us! I am not in a hurry to get myself cleaned up so I do not let Him down. Rather, I rest in Him; learning who He is and who I truly am in Him. And that is a job that lasts an eternity. Think about it.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
unshaken
There is no time for songs this week brothers and sisters. Once again, a Christian has proved that the dark side can overcome good. I was watching a television show a little while ago. There was a debate of some sort; the man said the only group of people who are still a target for ridicule is the morbidly obese. The other man said, “No, you can still ridicule Christians too.” I wondered why he would have to say something like that, and then I realized he was right. And when scandals erupt, it only gets worse. So why would someone want to be a Christian anyway?
“…I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious-the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse….Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.” Philippians 4.8-9
I am a Christian because He saved me. It does not have to do with any preachers, any person. There is one thing that matters in the end; and that is the Cross. When I came to the Cross-, everything changed. Sure, being ridiculed hurts sometimes. My daughter told me today how hard it is in recess. She is in fourth grade, and most of the kids say ‘Oh my God,' and it bothers her. What can I tell her but to be strong?
I do not live this life for anyone else but Christ. I struggle with my thorns, do not get me wrong. I have to be aware that I carry the sin of pride. I need to be sure that my actions are for Jesus, not me. I strive more and more each day to die to myself.
What does that mean? “This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike ‘What’s next, Papa?’ God’s spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who He is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what’s coming to us-an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with Him, then we’re certainly going to go through the good times with Him!” Romans 8.15-17
When I became the Lord’s I ditched my old way of living for His way of living. I remove myself from the driver’s seat (I sucked at driving this life anyway) and He is taking over. It may sound strange, but it is really a huge relief.
If you are living a life that is heavy to carry around; if the stress is gnawing at the back of your head, then you need to read my words and think about this: Christ wants to carry your burdens. He wants you to lay all your junk, all your crap, at the Cross and leave it there.
Read this and let the words touch your heart, as they are meant to do.
“Since we’ve compiled this long and sorry record as sinners and proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God will for us, God did it for us. Out of sheer generosity He put us in right standing with Himself. A pure gift. He got us out of the mess we’re in and restored us to where he always wanted us to be. And He did it by means of Jesus Christ. Romans 3.23-24
See, this is not about any Christian who makes a mistake and sins. My faith is not shaken because people fall from grace. Your eyes need to be on the one who is in control. No, you never become a sinless person, that is impossible in this life. We will sin, it is inevitable. The decision then is to confess and keep right on going, with your eyes on the Cross. Do not pay any attention to what the world has to say about Christianity. He is real, He is in charge, and He does want you to love Him. More than that, He wants to love you. Even with all your mistakes, your scars, and your pain. Think about it.
There is no time for songs this week brothers and sisters. Once again, a Christian has proved that the dark side can overcome good. I was watching a television show a little while ago. There was a debate of some sort; the man said the only group of people who are still a target for ridicule is the morbidly obese. The other man said, “No, you can still ridicule Christians too.” I wondered why he would have to say something like that, and then I realized he was right. And when scandals erupt, it only gets worse. So why would someone want to be a Christian anyway?
“…I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious-the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse….Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.” Philippians 4.8-9
I am a Christian because He saved me. It does not have to do with any preachers, any person. There is one thing that matters in the end; and that is the Cross. When I came to the Cross-, everything changed. Sure, being ridiculed hurts sometimes. My daughter told me today how hard it is in recess. She is in fourth grade, and most of the kids say ‘Oh my God,' and it bothers her. What can I tell her but to be strong?
I do not live this life for anyone else but Christ. I struggle with my thorns, do not get me wrong. I have to be aware that I carry the sin of pride. I need to be sure that my actions are for Jesus, not me. I strive more and more each day to die to myself.
What does that mean? “This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike ‘What’s next, Papa?’ God’s spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who He is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what’s coming to us-an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with Him, then we’re certainly going to go through the good times with Him!” Romans 8.15-17
When I became the Lord’s I ditched my old way of living for His way of living. I remove myself from the driver’s seat (I sucked at driving this life anyway) and He is taking over. It may sound strange, but it is really a huge relief.
If you are living a life that is heavy to carry around; if the stress is gnawing at the back of your head, then you need to read my words and think about this: Christ wants to carry your burdens. He wants you to lay all your junk, all your crap, at the Cross and leave it there.
Read this and let the words touch your heart, as they are meant to do.
“Since we’ve compiled this long and sorry record as sinners and proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God will for us, God did it for us. Out of sheer generosity He put us in right standing with Himself. A pure gift. He got us out of the mess we’re in and restored us to where he always wanted us to be. And He did it by means of Jesus Christ. Romans 3.23-24
See, this is not about any Christian who makes a mistake and sins. My faith is not shaken because people fall from grace. Your eyes need to be on the one who is in control. No, you never become a sinless person, that is impossible in this life. We will sin, it is inevitable. The decision then is to confess and keep right on going, with your eyes on the Cross. Do not pay any attention to what the world has to say about Christianity. He is real, He is in charge, and He does want you to love Him. More than that, He wants to love you. Even with all your mistakes, your scars, and your pain. Think about it.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Chris Tomlin - Indescribable
From the album Arriving
From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea,
Creation's revealing Your majesty.
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring,
Every creature unique in the song that it sings. All exclaiming...
(Chorus)
Indescribable, Uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God.
All powerful, Untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees and we humbly proclaim,
You are amazing God.
Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go,
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow?
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light,
Yet conceals it to give us the coolness of night?
None can fathom...
(Chorus)
Incomparable, Unchangeable,
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same.
You are amazing God.
“Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday dear Lisa,
Happy Birthday to you.”
Last Monday was my birthday. We will not go into the age I turned. I like to tell people it is my birthday. It’s actually quite amazing how I can work it into almost any conversation. I love hearing “Happy Birthday” and I guess I like to get gifts too.
My kids made me cards for my birthday. They included a dollar in each card and refused to take it back. I thought that was precious. I guess we must be doing something right with those kids. They have Jesus in their hearts, and they are becoming givers rather than receivers. I am blessed just to be in their presence.
See, my children are a present from God. He decided we could take care of them, and He wrote them into our lives. I am saddened for the days my children spent without hearing of Jesus, but I have to let that go. God knew that would happen. “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” (Psalm 139.16)
This leads me to my thought for today. Why do I make my birthday such a big deal? Why do I want everyone to know so they can celebrate with me? Hold on; I have a theory!
I think we are born with an inner knowledge of God. I believe I am excited about the day I was born because God is excited about the day I was born! As a matter of fact, He says it in His word. Look- “The Lord you God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” (Zephaniah 3.17)
Here’s another one: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.” (Isaiah 43.1) It’s cool when you think about it. You have to believe that God is telling the truth and that He really does know you. Individually. He is madly in love with you, and there is no sin or no faults that can stop Him from loving you. “Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give me in exchange for you, and people in exchange for you life. Do not be afraid for I am with you.” God in Isaiah 43.4-5)
Who says that and doesn’t mean it? It gives me reason to explore further. And when I do, I find Jesus, dying for the world. Dying to give the people on earth the choice to live forever. “My [children] listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.” –Jesus in John 10.27-28
I have always enjoyed my birthday and I like other people to share in my joy. I know that my joy comes from God. He finds delight with me; why would he not celebrate my birthday too?
And just think; he celebrates your birthday too. think about it.
From the album Arriving
From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea,
Creation's revealing Your majesty.
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring,
Every creature unique in the song that it sings. All exclaiming...
(Chorus)
Indescribable, Uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God.
All powerful, Untamable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees and we humbly proclaim,
You are amazing God.
Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go,
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow?
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light,
Yet conceals it to give us the coolness of night?
None can fathom...
(Chorus)
Incomparable, Unchangeable,
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same.
You are amazing God.
“Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday dear Lisa,
Happy Birthday to you.”
Last Monday was my birthday. We will not go into the age I turned. I like to tell people it is my birthday. It’s actually quite amazing how I can work it into almost any conversation. I love hearing “Happy Birthday” and I guess I like to get gifts too.
My kids made me cards for my birthday. They included a dollar in each card and refused to take it back. I thought that was precious. I guess we must be doing something right with those kids. They have Jesus in their hearts, and they are becoming givers rather than receivers. I am blessed just to be in their presence.
See, my children are a present from God. He decided we could take care of them, and He wrote them into our lives. I am saddened for the days my children spent without hearing of Jesus, but I have to let that go. God knew that would happen. “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” (Psalm 139.16)
This leads me to my thought for today. Why do I make my birthday such a big deal? Why do I want everyone to know so they can celebrate with me? Hold on; I have a theory!
I think we are born with an inner knowledge of God. I believe I am excited about the day I was born because God is excited about the day I was born! As a matter of fact, He says it in His word. Look- “The Lord you God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” (Zephaniah 3.17)
Here’s another one: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.” (Isaiah 43.1) It’s cool when you think about it. You have to believe that God is telling the truth and that He really does know you. Individually. He is madly in love with you, and there is no sin or no faults that can stop Him from loving you. “Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give me in exchange for you, and people in exchange for you life. Do not be afraid for I am with you.” God in Isaiah 43.4-5)
Who says that and doesn’t mean it? It gives me reason to explore further. And when I do, I find Jesus, dying for the world. Dying to give the people on earth the choice to live forever. “My [children] listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.” –Jesus in John 10.27-28
I have always enjoyed my birthday and I like other people to share in my joy. I know that my joy comes from God. He finds delight with me; why would he not celebrate my birthday too?
And just think; he celebrates your birthday too. think about it.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Praise to the Lord – Rich Mullins
Sing your praise to the Lord
Come on everybody
Stand up and sing one more hallelujah
Sing your praise to the Lord
I could never tell you just how much
Good that it's gonna do you
Just to sing
Anew
The song your heart learned to sing
When He first gave His life to you
Well life goes on and so must the song
You gotta sing again the song born in your soul when
You first gave your heart to Him
Sing His praises once more
Sing your praise to the Lord
Come on everybody
Stand up and sing one more hallelujah
Sing your praise to the Lord
I could never tell you just how much
Good that it's gonna do you
Just to sing
Aloud the song that someone is dying
To hear down in the madding crowd
That you once were before you heard the song
You gotta let them know the truth
Is a light to shine upon the way that maybe they could go
And sing His praises once more
Sing your praise to the Lord
Come on everybody
Stand up and sing one more hallelujah
Sing your praise to the Lord
I could never tell you just how much
Good that it's gonna do you
Just to sing
Your praises to the Lord
And everybody sing
Your praises to the Lord
From the rising of the sun
To the place where it sets
The name of the Lord is to be praised
The Lord is exalted over all the nations
His glory above the heavens
Who is like the Lord our God
The One who sits enthroned on high
He who stoops to look down upon
Down upon this earth and its sky
And that is why you gotta sing
Sing your praise to the Lord
Come on everybody
Stand up and sing one more hallelujah
Sing your praise to the Lord
I could never tell you just how much
Good that it's gonna do you
Just to let the name of the Lord
Be praised both for now and ever more
Praise him oh ye servants
I have a tough time staying still these days. When I sit in silence, I find myself thinking about the many things I ought to be accomplishing. At any given moment, I can compile a mental list of chores I need to accomplish, papers I should be writing and people I should be spending time with.
I have an even tougher time when I write my blog, or do freelance writing, because I have to check my email, or I have to do some ‘quick’ research. Therefore, in the spirit of said research, I have some statistics for you… crunch these numbers.
These are numbers from a recently conducted internet usage study. The survey found that 68.9 percent of respondents were regular Internet users and 13.7 percent found it hard to stay offline for several days at a time.
It found 12.4 percent often stayed online longer than intended, more than 12 percent said they saw a need to cut back on their Internet use, and 8.7 percent tried to conceal "non-essential" Internet use from family, friends and employers. A smaller number, 8.2 percent, said they use the Internet to escape problems or a bad mood, while 5.9 percent felt their relationships suffered because of excessive Internet use.
I do not believe that I have an internet addiction. Yes, I check my email everyday, but that is because I have necessary correspondence coming in. However, I never try to hide my usage from family. I keep everything out in the open, and I do my best to make sure my computer time never takes away from my family time.
I believe that God wants more. In Psalm 46 and verse 10, God tells us to ‘be still and know that I am God.’ What is even more fascinating is what God means by be still. In Latin, the term ‘be still’ translates to ‘vacate.’ That would be the root of the word vacation. Either way you look at it, God wants us to put down the reigns and move out of the way.
In Hebrew, the term ‘be still’ is a command telling us to remember who we are, and remember who God is in relation to the world. God is not ever going to attempt to vie for our time. Our faith and our strength come not from depending on our own power, but rather from trusting in His ultimate power and wisdom.
Funny thing is, when I listen to His sage advice, when I quit holding on to life so tightly, my life gets so much better. I can be caught up in talk radio and news programs, listening to North Korea amass bombs and Iran spout hatred. Then I inevitably start this downward spiral of negativity.
Now I would never suggest burying my face in the sand a la an ostrich, but I need to remind myself that God has a plan and a desire for the world and I cannot run this world no matter how hard I try. Sometimes it is better that I just ‘let go and let God.’
And so I reflect back on this Rich Mullins song. He had something there, didn’t he? When I become still and when I reflect my praise back where it truly belongs, I become the one more relaxed. I become the one who reflects her Creator, and what I was made for. And to that, I say Hallelujah!
Sing your praise to the Lord
Come on everybody
Stand up and sing one more hallelujah
Sing your praise to the Lord
I could never tell you just how much
Good that it's gonna do you
Just to sing
Anew
The song your heart learned to sing
When He first gave His life to you
Well life goes on and so must the song
You gotta sing again the song born in your soul when
You first gave your heart to Him
Sing His praises once more
Sing your praise to the Lord
Come on everybody
Stand up and sing one more hallelujah
Sing your praise to the Lord
I could never tell you just how much
Good that it's gonna do you
Just to sing
Aloud the song that someone is dying
To hear down in the madding crowd
That you once were before you heard the song
You gotta let them know the truth
Is a light to shine upon the way that maybe they could go
And sing His praises once more
Sing your praise to the Lord
Come on everybody
Stand up and sing one more hallelujah
Sing your praise to the Lord
I could never tell you just how much
Good that it's gonna do you
Just to sing
Your praises to the Lord
And everybody sing
Your praises to the Lord
From the rising of the sun
To the place where it sets
The name of the Lord is to be praised
The Lord is exalted over all the nations
His glory above the heavens
Who is like the Lord our God
The One who sits enthroned on high
He who stoops to look down upon
Down upon this earth and its sky
And that is why you gotta sing
Sing your praise to the Lord
Come on everybody
Stand up and sing one more hallelujah
Sing your praise to the Lord
I could never tell you just how much
Good that it's gonna do you
Just to let the name of the Lord
Be praised both for now and ever more
Praise him oh ye servants
I have a tough time staying still these days. When I sit in silence, I find myself thinking about the many things I ought to be accomplishing. At any given moment, I can compile a mental list of chores I need to accomplish, papers I should be writing and people I should be spending time with.
I have an even tougher time when I write my blog, or do freelance writing, because I have to check my email, or I have to do some ‘quick’ research. Therefore, in the spirit of said research, I have some statistics for you… crunch these numbers.
These are numbers from a recently conducted internet usage study. The survey found that 68.9 percent of respondents were regular Internet users and 13.7 percent found it hard to stay offline for several days at a time.
It found 12.4 percent often stayed online longer than intended, more than 12 percent said they saw a need to cut back on their Internet use, and 8.7 percent tried to conceal "non-essential" Internet use from family, friends and employers. A smaller number, 8.2 percent, said they use the Internet to escape problems or a bad mood, while 5.9 percent felt their relationships suffered because of excessive Internet use.
I do not believe that I have an internet addiction. Yes, I check my email everyday, but that is because I have necessary correspondence coming in. However, I never try to hide my usage from family. I keep everything out in the open, and I do my best to make sure my computer time never takes away from my family time.
I believe that God wants more. In Psalm 46 and verse 10, God tells us to ‘be still and know that I am God.’ What is even more fascinating is what God means by be still. In Latin, the term ‘be still’ translates to ‘vacate.’ That would be the root of the word vacation. Either way you look at it, God wants us to put down the reigns and move out of the way.
In Hebrew, the term ‘be still’ is a command telling us to remember who we are, and remember who God is in relation to the world. God is not ever going to attempt to vie for our time. Our faith and our strength come not from depending on our own power, but rather from trusting in His ultimate power and wisdom.
Funny thing is, when I listen to His sage advice, when I quit holding on to life so tightly, my life gets so much better. I can be caught up in talk radio and news programs, listening to North Korea amass bombs and Iran spout hatred. Then I inevitably start this downward spiral of negativity.
Now I would never suggest burying my face in the sand a la an ostrich, but I need to remind myself that God has a plan and a desire for the world and I cannot run this world no matter how hard I try. Sometimes it is better that I just ‘let go and let God.’
And so I reflect back on this Rich Mullins song. He had something there, didn’t he? When I become still and when I reflect my praise back where it truly belongs, I become the one more relaxed. I become the one who reflects her Creator, and what I was made for. And to that, I say Hallelujah!
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
brush
Screaming Trees-Shadow of the Season
The hour is ending, can’t you see
There is no way now, to get free
In the shadow of the season
Without a reason, to carry on
Without a reason, without a reason
And from the north woods
Down to the valley
In a world of hurting,
I’m moving on
And from the lighthouse
Out on the ocean
Can’t climb the mountain, so very tall
Said Lord please give me what I need
He said there’s pain and misery
Oh sweet oblivion feels alright
The hour is drawing ever closer
And rolling over, won’t let me be
In the shadow of the season
To find a reason, to carry on
Said Lord please give me what I need
He said there’s pain and misery
Oh sweet oblivion
She calls me onward to her side
And feels her song deep inside
And find a reason
In the shadow of the season
To find a reason to carry on
In the shadow of the season
To find a reason to carry on
Find a reason to carry on
To carry on
To find a reason to carry on
To carry on
Oblivion-the state of being completely forgotten. That is what my handy dictionary says anyway.
This is not a Christian song. This is from a band I loved during my college years. Still do, actually. It is one of the few bands I retained when I became a Christian. I listened to some rather intense rock, and it was very angry. This band has such an incredible sound that they are hard to give up. I have the pleasure of listening to the CD while I write this. It brings back memories.
I tried to walk a straight path in college. I studied, and I excelled in everything I did. However, something was still missing, and nothing could help me avoid the empty space inside me. I found my initial release in a little music store down the road from my dorm. The first time I walked in there, I thought I was in music heaven. They sold used tapes, and for a college girl, the price was right. It allowed me to find new music I might not have otherwise.
This CD makes me thing of something else though; about the invisible wounds that are walking right past us all the time. I loved this song, I look at the lyrics now, and I think about how many of us have felt the same at one time or another. Why did I love this tape? The answer is because I could relate. The songwriter asks the Lord for what he needs and the Lord’s reply is that there’s nothing but pain and misery.
What’s not to believe in that statement? I have certainly experienced more than my share of pain and misery in my life. I have accumulated wounds from myself and wounds from others. How can we find a way to carry on?
My invisible wound is my childhood. I was abused both physically and mentally for most of my youth. It doesn’t disappear with time. It comes back in the oddest of times; when I am trying to relate to a friend, or when someone is going through remorse; with both situations, I freeze up. Some of my emotions and reactions to life have been damaged and that is something that I have to deal with in my life.
But is the answer to seek oblivion? Is the answer to blame God for misery and wallow in it until the end? Is the answer to fill the wound with drugs, sex and alcohol? Is the answer to achieve the American Dream and hide behind it? None of those helped me to permanently escape.
The sweetest paradox to Christianity for me is undeserved forgiveness. I went through my life not deserving the abuse I was handed. My life dragged on day after day, and it was hard to see the end. So, now this Christianity appears on the scene and I find out that I do not deserve anything.
Ah, but thankfully it does not end there. It turns out Jesus wants to give me forgiveness, and mercy and eternal life. I do not have to choose oblivion. God does not hand me pain and misery. Life is not all roses, but it is certainly not oblivion.
I am not angry. Instead, I feel release, peace. What is temporary trouble when eternity is right around the corner?
I think I will leave the ending up to Paul tonight. How about 2 Corinthians 5.16-20
“…We don’t evaluate people by what they have or how they look, we looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly do not look at him that way anymore. Now we look inside and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone, a new life burgeons! Look at it. All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between him and us. And then called us to sell our relationships with teach other. God put the world square with Himself through the Messiah, giving the world’s fresh state by offering forgiveness of sin”
How can I stay angry when Jesus offers to take the pain upon Himself? How can I remain oblivious to the truth? How can you? Think about it.
Screaming Trees-Shadow of the Season
The hour is ending, can’t you see
There is no way now, to get free
In the shadow of the season
Without a reason, to carry on
Without a reason, without a reason
And from the north woods
Down to the valley
In a world of hurting,
I’m moving on
And from the lighthouse
Out on the ocean
Can’t climb the mountain, so very tall
Said Lord please give me what I need
He said there’s pain and misery
Oh sweet oblivion feels alright
The hour is drawing ever closer
And rolling over, won’t let me be
In the shadow of the season
To find a reason, to carry on
Said Lord please give me what I need
He said there’s pain and misery
Oh sweet oblivion
She calls me onward to her side
And feels her song deep inside
And find a reason
In the shadow of the season
To find a reason to carry on
In the shadow of the season
To find a reason to carry on
Find a reason to carry on
To carry on
To find a reason to carry on
To carry on
Oblivion-the state of being completely forgotten. That is what my handy dictionary says anyway.
This is not a Christian song. This is from a band I loved during my college years. Still do, actually. It is one of the few bands I retained when I became a Christian. I listened to some rather intense rock, and it was very angry. This band has such an incredible sound that they are hard to give up. I have the pleasure of listening to the CD while I write this. It brings back memories.
I tried to walk a straight path in college. I studied, and I excelled in everything I did. However, something was still missing, and nothing could help me avoid the empty space inside me. I found my initial release in a little music store down the road from my dorm. The first time I walked in there, I thought I was in music heaven. They sold used tapes, and for a college girl, the price was right. It allowed me to find new music I might not have otherwise.
This CD makes me thing of something else though; about the invisible wounds that are walking right past us all the time. I loved this song, I look at the lyrics now, and I think about how many of us have felt the same at one time or another. Why did I love this tape? The answer is because I could relate. The songwriter asks the Lord for what he needs and the Lord’s reply is that there’s nothing but pain and misery.
What’s not to believe in that statement? I have certainly experienced more than my share of pain and misery in my life. I have accumulated wounds from myself and wounds from others. How can we find a way to carry on?
My invisible wound is my childhood. I was abused both physically and mentally for most of my youth. It doesn’t disappear with time. It comes back in the oddest of times; when I am trying to relate to a friend, or when someone is going through remorse; with both situations, I freeze up. Some of my emotions and reactions to life have been damaged and that is something that I have to deal with in my life.
But is the answer to seek oblivion? Is the answer to blame God for misery and wallow in it until the end? Is the answer to fill the wound with drugs, sex and alcohol? Is the answer to achieve the American Dream and hide behind it? None of those helped me to permanently escape.
The sweetest paradox to Christianity for me is undeserved forgiveness. I went through my life not deserving the abuse I was handed. My life dragged on day after day, and it was hard to see the end. So, now this Christianity appears on the scene and I find out that I do not deserve anything.
Ah, but thankfully it does not end there. It turns out Jesus wants to give me forgiveness, and mercy and eternal life. I do not have to choose oblivion. God does not hand me pain and misery. Life is not all roses, but it is certainly not oblivion.
I am not angry. Instead, I feel release, peace. What is temporary trouble when eternity is right around the corner?
I think I will leave the ending up to Paul tonight. How about 2 Corinthians 5.16-20
“…We don’t evaluate people by what they have or how they look, we looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly do not look at him that way anymore. Now we look inside and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone, a new life burgeons! Look at it. All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between him and us. And then called us to sell our relationships with teach other. God put the world square with Himself through the Messiah, giving the world’s fresh state by offering forgiveness of sin”
How can I stay angry when Jesus offers to take the pain upon Himself? How can I remain oblivious to the truth? How can you? Think about it.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
rescue me
Rescue is Coming-David Crowder Band
There’s darkness in my skin
My cover’s wearing thin, I believe
I’d love to start again, go back to innocent, and never leave
Don’t give up now
A break in the clouds
We could be found
There’s nothing wrong with me
It’s just that I believe things could get better
And there’s nothing wrong with love
I think it’s just enough to believe
Rescue is coming
Rescue is coming
Rescue is coming
Rescue is coming
And there’s nothing wrong with you and nothing left to do
But believe something bigger
And there’s nothing wrong with love
I know it’s just enough to believe
Don’t give up now
A break in the clouds
We will be found
Rescue is coming now
Well, here we are, week whatever of my song lyrics series. I am still enjoying this immensely, and I hope you are too! I think I will continue doing this series for a while yet. I just wish I had a more varied selection of artists for your consideration. What can I say? When I like something, I like it.
I do not plan my writing in advance. I wait for God’s inspiration before I sit down here to type this. Subsequently, I sometimes am a day or two late. But I have found I cannot contrive an article based on a forced topic. When I hear the thing on which I should write, I know it immediately. And lately, I then look for a song that I think best reflects the tone.
This latest inspiration came from a Dateline special on Tuesday. I was planning on writing after I saw the show, I was just so emotionally and spiritually drained after it ended, I could do nothing but sleep.
I have been seeing a counselor at my church. We have been dealing with so many issues. One such issue that came screaming to the forefront last week was sexuality. My therapist believes that at some point in my teenage years, I went ‘dead.’ What that means in my life is that I no longer allowed anyone to detect any vulnerability lurking inside of me. It was at that point in my life when I started defining myself as a sexual being.
This is difficult to write these words tonight. See-my therapist gave me a homework assignment; to define my identity as said sexual being and describe what that meant for my life.
Well, what better avenue on which to do my homework than live on the internet, sharing it with you? In all honesty, I started this blog to be honest with people struggling to understand Christianity in the 21st century. Therefore, if a subject finds relevance in my life, it may as well in yours.
It was when I went dead that I separated love and sex. For my being, sex was a natural instinct, much as the animals possess. Sex was a means to an end, and in no way was connected to love. I defined myself as a sexual being. Sex was for enjoyment, and I was able to detach myself from any emotions other than pleasure.
I have to supply one example to demonstrate the depth of my reality. I lost my virginity to a stranger. I remembered hearing all these disgusting sob stories from women who gave up their most precious gift to who they thought would be The One; only to find him not returning her calls or telling all his friends about the wild time he had last night. Nope, I was not having any of it. I would get it over with; I would give it to someone anonymous and be able to move on in freedom.
Little did I know. I never saw the day that I would be rescued from Hell and brought to life. But here I am. How can I ever forgive myself; how can I reconcile who I was with who I am?
Here comes the Dateline episode. They are doing this series called “The Outsiders.” It is about people who choose to live their lives outside the ‘normal’ range. This particular show was about the sexual fringes.
There were swingers, strippers and asexuals. There was also a segment on kissing cousins, but that may be for a later article. The real issue on the program for me was the swingers. I used to think that sounded like fun. They certainly shared my beliefs that sex was just sex. In fact, one man said my exact words on television last night. He was asked if swinging was cheating. His answer? “Sex is sex. Not love.” He also went on to say that swinging actually strengthened marriages not destroyed them.
Oh God, if that were true then where would You fit in?
“You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” – 1 Corinthians 6.19.20
Thank you God that You would answer me with ultimate assurance that I am indeed washed clean. I am wholly restored; again new.
“All of us also lived among [the disobedient] at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions-it is by grace that you have been saved.” – Ephesians 2.3-5
Go back and read those lyrics again. They're for all of us. Think about it.
There’s darkness in my skin
My cover’s wearing thin, I believe
I’d love to start again, go back to innocent, and never leave
Don’t give up now
A break in the clouds
We could be found
There’s nothing wrong with me
It’s just that I believe things could get better
And there’s nothing wrong with love
I think it’s just enough to believe
Rescue is coming
Rescue is coming
Rescue is coming
Rescue is coming
And there’s nothing wrong with you and nothing left to do
But believe something bigger
And there’s nothing wrong with love
I know it’s just enough to believe
Don’t give up now
A break in the clouds
We will be found
Rescue is coming now
Well, here we are, week whatever of my song lyrics series. I am still enjoying this immensely, and I hope you are too! I think I will continue doing this series for a while yet. I just wish I had a more varied selection of artists for your consideration. What can I say? When I like something, I like it.
I do not plan my writing in advance. I wait for God’s inspiration before I sit down here to type this. Subsequently, I sometimes am a day or two late. But I have found I cannot contrive an article based on a forced topic. When I hear the thing on which I should write, I know it immediately. And lately, I then look for a song that I think best reflects the tone.
This latest inspiration came from a Dateline special on Tuesday. I was planning on writing after I saw the show, I was just so emotionally and spiritually drained after it ended, I could do nothing but sleep.
I have been seeing a counselor at my church. We have been dealing with so many issues. One such issue that came screaming to the forefront last week was sexuality. My therapist believes that at some point in my teenage years, I went ‘dead.’ What that means in my life is that I no longer allowed anyone to detect any vulnerability lurking inside of me. It was at that point in my life when I started defining myself as a sexual being.
This is difficult to write these words tonight. See-my therapist gave me a homework assignment; to define my identity as said sexual being and describe what that meant for my life.
Well, what better avenue on which to do my homework than live on the internet, sharing it with you? In all honesty, I started this blog to be honest with people struggling to understand Christianity in the 21st century. Therefore, if a subject finds relevance in my life, it may as well in yours.
It was when I went dead that I separated love and sex. For my being, sex was a natural instinct, much as the animals possess. Sex was a means to an end, and in no way was connected to love. I defined myself as a sexual being. Sex was for enjoyment, and I was able to detach myself from any emotions other than pleasure.
I have to supply one example to demonstrate the depth of my reality. I lost my virginity to a stranger. I remembered hearing all these disgusting sob stories from women who gave up their most precious gift to who they thought would be The One; only to find him not returning her calls or telling all his friends about the wild time he had last night. Nope, I was not having any of it. I would get it over with; I would give it to someone anonymous and be able to move on in freedom.
Little did I know. I never saw the day that I would be rescued from Hell and brought to life. But here I am. How can I ever forgive myself; how can I reconcile who I was with who I am?
Here comes the Dateline episode. They are doing this series called “The Outsiders.” It is about people who choose to live their lives outside the ‘normal’ range. This particular show was about the sexual fringes.
There were swingers, strippers and asexuals. There was also a segment on kissing cousins, but that may be for a later article. The real issue on the program for me was the swingers. I used to think that sounded like fun. They certainly shared my beliefs that sex was just sex. In fact, one man said my exact words on television last night. He was asked if swinging was cheating. His answer? “Sex is sex. Not love.” He also went on to say that swinging actually strengthened marriages not destroyed them.
Oh God, if that were true then where would You fit in?
“You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” – 1 Corinthians 6.19.20
Thank you God that You would answer me with ultimate assurance that I am indeed washed clean. I am wholly restored; again new.
“All of us also lived among [the disobedient] at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions-it is by grace that you have been saved.” – Ephesians 2.3-5
Go back and read those lyrics again. They're for all of us. Think about it.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
"Meant To Live"-by Switchfoot
Fumbling his confidence
And wondering why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he's bent for more than arguments
And failed attempts to fly, fly
[Chorus]
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Dreaming about Providence
And whether mice or men have second tries
Maybe we've been livin with our eyes half open
Maybe we're bent and broken, broken
[Chorus]
We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life, yeah
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live
We were meant to live
If you get a chance to hear this song, I think you would enjoy it. Switchfoot is sort of a younger band-they appeal to youth. However, I think they have a nice sound and a great message.
I picked this song because of a conversation I had yesterday with my mentor. I wish there were words to describe her. She is a gift from God. If you take the chance and become born again in Christ, He provides people to walk with you and essentially help raise you in Christ.
Well, my mentor has become like a mother and a best friend and a sister all wrapped up in one package. She listens to my fears, my problems, and my hopes. She helps to answer questions I have. And she does all of this without any judgment. Occasionally she will reprimand me, but it is when I really need it. Her life is similar to mine, and I can tell her anything.
So, we were having a conversation yesterday on the phone. She called, not realizing it was my first day of graduate school. I was feeling nostalgic because I was going back to the school where I learned how to walk with Christ. I went to school not knowing how to read the Bible, not understanding anything really. But I met these extraordinary people who helped raise me.
Eventually we grow up, and then we help others. We are a family; and we should accept each other’s differences with love. We are all sinners who fall short of the glory of God.
Anyway, back to the conversation. She called and my heart was overflowing with emotion; love and sorrow mixed. Sorrow only because I missed the past. But God called me to return to school because my passion is reaching out to the world, and I need more training.
When I was talking to my mentor, we started discussing what passions the Lord gave us. I started talking about my passion for reaching out to others and I started on fire. I need to world to know that the church is not full of perfect people. We are messed up, we have troubles in our marriages, we yell at our kids on the way to church sometimes.
But Jesus forgives all that-He wipes the slate clean because He loves us. He didn’t come for perfect people, but for the rest of us. With all our differences.
When I was talking about this I said, “I want to reach the people outside the church, not throw parties for those who are already inside.” I know there’s a place in the church to love and nourish the souls of the saved, but that’s not where I belong.
Well, here is what I think is the cool part. The Lord let me to read Matthew last night. And I found the most amazing thing. A passage I had never read before. I am going to write it out in both The Message Bible and the NIV Bible. God truly is in charge and he truly wants you.
“Who needs a doctor: the healthy or the sick? Go figure out what this Scripture means: ‘I’m after mercy, not religion.’ I’m here to invite outsiders, not coddle insiders.” –Jesus in Matthew 9.12-13
“It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”-Jesus in Matthew 9.12-13
Think about it.
Fumbling his confidence
And wondering why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he's bent for more than arguments
And failed attempts to fly, fly
[Chorus]
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Dreaming about Providence
And whether mice or men have second tries
Maybe we've been livin with our eyes half open
Maybe we're bent and broken, broken
[Chorus]
We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life, yeah
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live
We were meant to live
If you get a chance to hear this song, I think you would enjoy it. Switchfoot is sort of a younger band-they appeal to youth. However, I think they have a nice sound and a great message.
I picked this song because of a conversation I had yesterday with my mentor. I wish there were words to describe her. She is a gift from God. If you take the chance and become born again in Christ, He provides people to walk with you and essentially help raise you in Christ.
Well, my mentor has become like a mother and a best friend and a sister all wrapped up in one package. She listens to my fears, my problems, and my hopes. She helps to answer questions I have. And she does all of this without any judgment. Occasionally she will reprimand me, but it is when I really need it. Her life is similar to mine, and I can tell her anything.
So, we were having a conversation yesterday on the phone. She called, not realizing it was my first day of graduate school. I was feeling nostalgic because I was going back to the school where I learned how to walk with Christ. I went to school not knowing how to read the Bible, not understanding anything really. But I met these extraordinary people who helped raise me.
Eventually we grow up, and then we help others. We are a family; and we should accept each other’s differences with love. We are all sinners who fall short of the glory of God.
Anyway, back to the conversation. She called and my heart was overflowing with emotion; love and sorrow mixed. Sorrow only because I missed the past. But God called me to return to school because my passion is reaching out to the world, and I need more training.
When I was talking to my mentor, we started discussing what passions the Lord gave us. I started talking about my passion for reaching out to others and I started on fire. I need to world to know that the church is not full of perfect people. We are messed up, we have troubles in our marriages, we yell at our kids on the way to church sometimes.
But Jesus forgives all that-He wipes the slate clean because He loves us. He didn’t come for perfect people, but for the rest of us. With all our differences.
When I was talking about this I said, “I want to reach the people outside the church, not throw parties for those who are already inside.” I know there’s a place in the church to love and nourish the souls of the saved, but that’s not where I belong.
Well, here is what I think is the cool part. The Lord let me to read Matthew last night. And I found the most amazing thing. A passage I had never read before. I am going to write it out in both The Message Bible and the NIV Bible. God truly is in charge and he truly wants you.
“Who needs a doctor: the healthy or the sick? Go figure out what this Scripture means: ‘I’m after mercy, not religion.’ I’m here to invite outsiders, not coddle insiders.” –Jesus in Matthew 9.12-13
“It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”-Jesus in Matthew 9.12-13
Think about it.
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