sometimes we forget

Well, sometimes my life just don't make sense at all
When the mountains look so big
And my faith just seems so small

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

And I wake up in the night and feel the dark
It's so hot inside my soul
I swear there must be blisters on my heart

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight You for something I don't really want
Than to take what You give that I need
And I've beat my head against so many walls
Now I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees

And this Salvation Army band is playing this hymn
And Your grace rings out so deep
It makes my resistance seem so thin

I'm singing hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

-Rich Mullins, “Hold me Jesus”


Sorry, another long song. Please take the time to read it all. I needed to give you the whole song because it makes so much sense to me. I actually was going to give you another song, but the Lord led me to this one. It works.

Sometimes I forget. God has presenting Himself so many times in my life, but here I sit waiting for more. I listen to songs about Jesus, I work at a church, and sometimes I still forget. Things we cannot see can sometimes lose out to our life that actually is playing out all around us.

When I am tempted by pornography, or I think back to my chemically induced haze, I feel like I am lost all over again. And I forget.

But take heart dear soul, because I am not the only one to forget. If you take your handy Bible and you look through some of the first stories, you find some people who forgot big time. I will show you a few.

Let us set up the story. Moses has been told to lead God’s people, the Israelites, out of Egypt and into their promised land. Remember that in Egypt, these people were slaves, and they were not treated very nice at all.

Ok. So Moses is leading them out. God has a great big helping hand in this endeavor. Let’s look at a couple of examples of God in this adventure. They’re walking through the desert and-

“By day the Lord went ahead of them on their way in a pillar of cloud to guide them and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so that they could travel by day or night.”-Exodus 13.21-22
Imagine God in front of you like that. Could you forget it?

Here is another one. This time, the Egyptians want their slaves back so they start chasing Moses and his followers. They reach the sea and panic. Maybe you have heard of Moses parting the red sea. Here is how it is portrayed in the Bible-

“Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea and all that night the Lord drove the sea back with a strong east wind and turned it into dry land.” Exodus 14.21-22 imagine that, walking through the sea, it raging on either side of you. Could you forget?

One more. The people are grumbling that they had it better off in Egypt. They are hungry. So what does God do?

“I will rain down bread from heaven for you.” Says God.

What luck. These people knew that the Lord loved them. How could they not? It was evident every day that God was front and center, loving them, feeding them, guiding them. Could you forget?

“…the Israelites quarreled and because they tested the Lord saying, Is the Lord among us or not?” Exodus 17.7 What? How could they not know God was among them?

Again. Moses goes up a mountain to meet with the Lord. He is gone for a while. Here is what happened.

“When the people saw that Moses was so long in coming down from the mountain, they gathered around Aaron and said, ‘Come, make us gods who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don’t know what has happened to him.”-Exodus 32.1

Can you believe that? They ended up making a golden calf to worship. Which make God pretty angry. Not surprising.

I often wonder how they could forget God so easily. He rained down bread from heaven to feed them and they forgot Him. They had it so easy compared to us now. Now we have to believe something we cannot see at all. How can we handle our lives knowing Jesus is truly right beside us?

I will tell you next week!

control

You are God alone-Phillips Craig & Dean
You are not a God Created by human hands
You are not a god Dependant on any mortal man
You are not a god In need of anything we can give
By Your plan, that’s just the way it is

CHORUS
You are God alone
From before time began
You were on Your throne
Your are God alone
And right now In the good times and bad
You are on Your throne
You are God alone

You’re the only God Whose power none can contend
You’re the only God Whose name and praise will never end
You’re the only God Who’s worthy of everything we can give
You are God And that’s just the way it is

Unchangeable Unshakable Unstoppable That’s what You are

As you can see, I am still in my music lyric series. I was unable to feature just a few lines from this song; you need to read the whole thing to understand its depth.

I would imagine you expect me to write about Israel and the conflict unfolding as I write. This continuing saga captivates me, and as I write, I am listening to coverage of the crisis on AM radio.

This is a much larger issue then one may imagine. Many are saying that this is fulfillment of biblical prophecy. Perhaps, but for me this is not the most important part.

I am aware, and sometimes very guilty of forgetting God in these kinds of situations. Hurricane Katrina, the tsunami, the earthquakes in Pakistan; even the war in Iraq. Television coverage of said tragedies always features someone lamenting, “Why did God do this to us…” and, “Where was God during all of this…” It is easy to focus on the event at hand, rather than the God that is in control.

I had an email from a dear friend the other day. I will not go into detail, but she asked me why an unfortunate event happened in her life. She asked me what the Bible verse is that dealt with God being in control of all situations.

Isn’t that the essence of living on this earth? People base their belief in God on whether or not bad things happen to them. And if God is in control, why does He allow tragedies to occur?

I guess it is easy to struggle with these questions. Why isn’t God working the helm, preventing accidents and tragedies?

The simple answer is that this world is not as it seems. This world has sin, and it will until Jesus returns. This world has disease, death and suffering; it is the land of the dying. Let us look at what Jesus and Paul say about this world.

“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” –Jesus in John 16.33

“My kingdom is not of this world.” -Jesus in John 17.36

“For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight.” Paul in 1 Corinthians 3.19

Jesus solves the problem of pain and suffering in the first quote above. He has overcome the world. He has created a kingdom that will reign forever for those who believe in Him and love Him. While His children are here, we will suffer. But no matter how bad things become here, take heart because we know the end of the story. We can proclaim, “Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world.” 1 John 4.9

If you are not one of His children, all is not lost. He desires a relationship with you much more than anyone else you will ever know. He wants your heart, and He wants you to know that in the end, everything will be all right. Just ask Him.

He has redeemed me from a life of misery and loss. I would never have pulled myself from the mire on my own. do I still suffer? Yes, but I take it in stride. Things will be better one day.

“Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes nor on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” Paul in 2 Corinthians 4.16-18

“He (God) will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” – God in Revelation 21.11

why i exist

I would like to start a series on music lyrics. One of my passions is music; and I would like to share some of the lyrics that really touch my heart and get my spirit moving.

So, I am starting this week with a song by a man named Lenny LeBlanc. The song’s title is, “Born to Worship.” Here are the lyrics I want to share-

So I testify of His mercy and love
Glorify my heavenly Father above
Just one thing that I am sure of
I was born you were born
Everything was made to worship Him

I was listening to this particular song while driving around Minneapolis this morning. Sometimes I listen to music and I sing out of habit rather than truly experiencing the song’s meaning. Today was different. I was focused on the music, and these words struck my soul.

I believe that everything was made to worship God. He created each and every one of us so that we may worship and love Him. I listened to the cacophony of birds singing their songs of joy. When I got home I watched my cats play, and I think about the wonder of God. That He would create everything is an awesome thought. Here’s a thought from someone else-

One thing is certain: God is not weak and has no deficiencies…everything that exists owes its existence to him, and no one can add anything to him which is not already flowing from Him”-John Piper

I have to tell the truth to you, otherwise I do this in vain. My heart broke when I watched the commuters racing to work. I watch the angry faces; I see the phones in their hands. I think about those hands that should be available to worship the Lord. I look around and I see people that do not realize what they were made for, and the true, rich joy they are missing.

Worshiping Jesus makes my insides warm. It makes my skin tingle. It makes my heart beat faster, and grow bigger. I forget my troubles, I lean on Him for truth and love.

When you finally realize the indescribable, unbelievable amount of love our Lord has for us, you cannot help but pour it back out to Him. I know I can never worship Him enough, but He loves me just the same,

Being truthful again, I admit I had a problem with the word worship in the beginning. I had a tough time bowing down to someone I could not even see. But then I found out for myself that He is indeed real.

My dictionary defines worship as, “An utterly devoted admiration for a person.” That’s it. when I became the Lord’s my life was so messed up that He really had to cle;an and fix my brokenness. My response since then is always the same. When it’s all said and done with my life, my only response to God is dropping to my knees and asking Him, “What can I do for You?” not because He needs my help, but He loves me just the same.

So, where are you in this whole great story of life? Do you give back to Him what He desires? Have you made Him your friend, the lover of your soul, your Redeemer? Think about it.

“I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong; but no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward-to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.” – Paul in Philippians 3.12-14

fireworks

For all of us in the great county of America, yesterday was the Fourth of July.  It is, of course, the day we take time to celebrate our independence from British rule.  We also pause to reflect on what our Armed Forces have done to protect that independence both here and abroad.

However you celebrated yesterday; with family, friends: at a barbeque or under a fireworks display, I hope it was enjoyable.  I had the pleasure of attending the party of a friend.  We had a great time playing volleyball, eating various dishes and fellowshipping with both old and new friends.  

There was something new at this party.  Toward the end, we all gathered in the living room.  I had no idea what was to come.  The host of the party, my friend, started out by asking what all of us had to be thankful for.  Then, we sang songs.  Although I struggled with singing a cappella in a crowded room, I was moved to tears by the sound of all these voices united in song.  We sang “My County 'Tis of Thee,” and “God Bless America,” and “The Star Spangled Banner.”  

After I left the party, I continued to reflect on what things made me thankful.  Then, it dawned on me.  I have another Independence Day.  

My Independence Day is August 18th.  It was that day I became free from bondage and oppression.  It was the day that my Redeemer came to save me.  My dictionary defines ‘redeem’ as:  to get back full possession of and to save from being a total failure.

To save from being a total failure-how beautiful those words ring true in my life.  I would never have made this life without Jesus.  I need to celebrate the day I became independent from the chains that tied me to darkness.

Funny thing though, this independence.  I was worshipping God today with music and a line from a song hit me, “for it’s only in your will that I am free.”  I became independent from Satan to become dependant on Jesus.  I think that is a great trade.

So, if you are the Lord’s, a Christian, then you need to claim and celebrate your personal Independence Day.  If you are not yet His, think about these things-

“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” Jesus in John 8.36

“The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death.” – Romans 8.2

“Oh God, here I am, your servant, your faithful servant; set me free for your service!” Psalm 116.16

“But whoever catches a glimpse of the revealed counsel of God-the free life!-even out of the corner of their eye, and sticks with it, is no distracted scatterbrain but a man or woman of action.  That person will find delight and affirmation in the action.” – James 1.25

I am free!  I do not serve Jesus Christ because I am required to, because I am forced.  I am not brainwashed, not confused.  I have clarity that I never had before.  I serve Jesus because it feels so good.  It feels wonderful to have the blinders fall off, to have the Son shine down on me.

See the fireworks that light the night sky during this holiday?  To me, they represent my heart bursting for joy at the thought of my Redeemer.  Think about it.

free indeed

Before you say anything, I already know.  This is supposed to be a weekly installment, and I have not been living up to my end of the bargain.  And to that, all I can say is that I am a weak, sorry individual sometimes.  If a person had a gambling addiction, he would stay out of the casinos, right?  And if a person had an addiction to shopping, the Mall of America might be something she should avoid.  Well, I like to convince myself that at the end of a long day, my mind needs a break.  So I convince myself that the latest episode of CSI will not be that gruesome, or that I just have to find out what’s going on in the world of media bias, and then I lose myself to the television.  I keep saying ‘just one more show’ and I don’t even have cable, so you can imagine just how desperate I can become.  Let’s just say I catch many episodes of ‘Friends’ the early years during the night.

See, that’s just like I was saying last time.  Shouldn’t God wipe every earthly desire away from my life?  Shouldn’t I be able to focus on Him and Him alone? And that my friend, is the whole gist of what I like to call ‘The Rub.’

The first part of ‘The Rub’ is this; I cannot follow Jesus by my own strength!  I was missing that whole key when I wrote the last time.  I had (horribly) managed my own life before Christ; therefore, I assumed I needed to run it after Christ.  And let me tell you, it is tough to give up the reigns.  No one ever looked out for this number one before.  So, Jesus being the One who wants a relationship rather than a brainwashing (we are definitely not brainwashed) waits patiently for us to get out of the way; to realize we are utterly incapable of living for Him on our own.  You would think someone like me would know that without being bonked on the head with it, but I did not.  It took many sadly failed attempts for me to figure it out.

Look at what the apostle Paul has to say about human control vs. Jesus.  
“Those who think they can do it on their own end up obsessed with measuring their own moral muscle but never get around to exercising it in real life.  Those who trust God’s action in them find that God’s Spirit is in them-living and breathing God.  Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life.  Focusing on the self is the opposite of focusing on God.  Anyone completely absorbed in self ignores God, ends up thinking more about self than God.  That person ignores who God is and what he is doing.  And God isn’t pleased at being ignored.” –Romans 8.5-8

See-rather than having God work through me, I was working God through myself.  I applied all kinds of rules to my life, and abhorred anyone who did not live up to my new standards.  I was a mess until I figured this out.  And I still tend to forget from time to time.

The other part of “The Rub’ is this; I would miss out on God’s amazing work in my life if I were to forget my past.  My story has God’s hand all over it.  He saved my life, and for what?  So I could turn into some sort of Christian and deny the legacy God had written for me?  Or, could I turn the nightmarish way I was living into a glorious story of redemption in Christ?  

I need to remember my past so that I may impact someone’s future.  That’s God’s beautiful cosmic recycling plan for the ages.  Like a phoenix rising from the ashes.


“You’re no longer wandering exiles.  This kingdom of faith is now you home country.  You’re no longer strangers or outsiders.  You belong here, with as much right to the name Christian as anyone.  God is building a home.  He’s using us all-irrespective of how we got here-in what he is building.  He used the apostles and prophets for the foundation.  Now he’s using you, fitting you in brick by brick, stone by stone, with Christ Jesus as the cornerstone that holds all the parts together.  We see it taking shape day after day- a holy temple built by God, all of us built into it, a temple in which God is quite at home.” –Ephesians 2.19-22

See, I told you there would be a happy ending.  You just had to be patient.  

captive...or not?

“If anyone is in Christ, they are a new creation, old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new!”
-2 Corinthians 5.17


These last few weeks have been devastating for me.  I have been going through various trials and struggles one after another. If you were to think of a typical area of life, I would almost surely have a problem in it.  It seems like I am running out of the energy to ‘run the race set before us’ as Paul says in the Bible.  I have, and will always struggle with my various addictions; I accept that.  But if Jesus broke the chains (and I know He did) and set this captive free, why do I feel so trapped?

I add to life’s difficulties with two major issues of my own.  First of all, I believed the verse above meant that life would immediately become smooth sailing when I gave my life to Christ.  If you have been reading my postings for a while, you will know by now that my life before Christ was a living hell.  I was trapped in a world of drugs and lust and I could not see a way out.  When Jesus extended a hand to pull me out of the sewer, I naively assumed life would immediately become a walk in the park. I thought that finally, beyond belief, those horrible chapters of my life were closed forever.  Perhaps I even thought Jesus would be kind enough to ‘erase’ my brain of every horrible thing I had ever experienced.  I had become ‘new,’ hadn’t I?

My other problem is a direct relation to the first.  When I stumbled out of my drug and sexual sin fog, I was blindsided by reality.  I could fill notebooks with problems I needed to correct, and the damage around me seemed to be catastrophic. I did not know which way to turn first.  I needed to reprogram my children; erase their memories of the past.  I needed to rediscover my husband, and start repairing the damage I had created.  I needed to repay loans, seek forgiveness; clean up my act.  Since it did not appear that Jesus would be making me as ‘new’ as I had wished, I would have to do it all myself.
See, up until Jesus, the drugs had numbed me to a point of complacency.  If my children were acting rotten, I would numb myself.  If my husband were mad at me again, I would numb myself.  Didn’t have enough money to pay the bills; well, you get the idea. Not only that, but I had an alternate life I could sneak away to and forget all about mine. There, I was witty, pretty and glamorous (ha.) I had lost touch with everything and now time seemed to be running out.  I had a lot of catching up to do.  

To sum up-every one of my twenty-eight years of life came slamming into my back when I was saved.  Sometimes, it got to the point where it did not really feel like I was ‘saved’ from anything.  Oh sure, there is the eternal life thing, but where’s the benefit on this earth?

Is there any hope at all?

I am glad you asked!  Despite the way it all sounds now, I have some Great News for you!  This story is about to have a turn for the better.  Catch the next installment for details!

tuning out

I apologize to whoever is out there for my absence.  I have no specific excuse; I have been distracted.
It is possible to be overwhelmed by the Lord and by life in general.  Seeing life in true reality can be a scary thing, and can tire the mind.

Rather than continue to speak in abstract, let me give you an example.  I was watching BBC news the other night.  It was about the technology craze in South Korea.  Craze is not an accurate word really; perhaps obsession would be a better one.  It has literally taken over the country.  

Some statistics:  there are more than 28,000 gaming parlors in Seoul.  Granted, there are over 10 million people crammed in the city, but these parlors generate over $6 billion annually.  There are five cable television channels devoted to gaming, showing tournaments, techniques, and new games.

There are several deaths attributed to computer gaming in South Korea.  A couple’s four-month-old baby died because the couple was gaming for over ten hours.  I read about two men who died from exhaustion; one playing for fifty hours straight.  I am sure there are more.  

Fifteen million people in South Korea are regular gamers.  There is a new craze taking over the gaming world; it is called Cyworld.  Cyworld is a virtual world.  People create themselves in a virtual room.  They add their spouse, children, and pets.  They then spend money buying virtual furniture, scenery, decorations.  Some people spend hours a day playing in their virtual life; socializing with their real friends in cyberworld.  As of now, 1 in 3 South Koreas has a virtual self.  One woman said that she gets satisfaction in her cyberworld that she cannot get from the real world.

The most fascinating thing about the piece was a segment about an office building in South Korea.  The cameramen zoomed in for a second on a fish tank located in the waiting room of the building.  The fish tank was not an ordinary one however; it was a digital fish tank.  Digital koi were swimming in digital water.

When asked why he spends so much time in the gaming parlor, one man replied, “It’s a unique outlet for personal expression and a rare chance to be different.”   Psychologists call this obsession escapism, detached socializing, and a form of anti-social behavior.  

What my point is…

A cursory glance at the situation in South Korea may find nothing really wrong.  What is the harm in playing games on the computer?  However, I look at the situation and I ask myself, why the need to escape reality?  These games are not Pac-Man® or Donkey Kong®.  These are role-playing games that involve hundreds and thousands of players.  They enter into another dimension and take on the characteristics of their icon.  What’s up with real life for these people?

There is no argument here that this world is tough; sometimes it is downright scary.  I can see why people want to avoid that reality and seep into something distracting.  I have thousands of books that would indicate I have a tendency to do the same thing on occasion.  But if it becomes a consuming passion, something is wrong.  

There is a force in the world that leads people to distraction.  And that force seems to have done its job well, hasn’t it?  Cell phones, plasma televisions with cable, email, I-Pod’s, DVD players in the car, Blackberry.  Do you pay attention to one single thing at a time anymore?  Multi-tasking is a requirement these days.  

But there is one thing that is speaking to your heart in a still, small voice.  There is a light shining beyond the technology that wants your attention.  He will not try to dazzle you with a technological stage show, but He has His ways.  Ever watch a full moon blaze orange across the starry sky?  Ever watch a mother bird lay on her nest waiting for her precious eggs to hatch?  

But even though real life has so much to offer, there is more.  There is actually Someone out there that wants to be your permanent distraction.  If you were to chuck all those metal cords that want to strangle you, you would be able to encounter an amazing God that wants to consume you in a way you never thought possible.  

It’s true.  Imagine playing the most incredible reality game ever.  It is so far beyond that.  Here’s a taste…

“Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire.”

“I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned he has crossed over from death to life.” –Jesus

And, in a stunning resemblance to the world today,

“I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet upon a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.  He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.”