WHY IT NO LONGER REALLY MATTERS
"There can only be two basic loves, the love of God unto the forgetfulness of self, or the love of self unto the forgetfulness and denial of God." - Thomas Merton
It's a challenge to step out in faith and live the life God calls the Christian to live. I think that may be the most understated sentences I will ever write. I could write volumes about that subject, but what I'm talking about here is living Christianity in today's world. 'Jesus Freak' used to be an insult, but now it's hip. However, there's a slew of other things that people call Christians that will never be hip. Of course, in parts of the world, not only will the Christian be called names, but there's a good chance they will be killed for their proclimation of the Savior.
I can't pretend to know what that's like. As of now, we are relatively safe in America. Not safe from name-calling and occassional harassment, but safe from death. But what happens here can make it a challenge to witness and speak of the Lord. I know what mainstream media thinks about me. I read the articles that put words like 'alleged' and 'supposed' in front of 'faith' and 'truth.' Heck, I even know what some of my family thinks about me. It took months for me to convince them I wasn't in a cult. Still, when I mention my life, I still hear the unpleasant silence that indicates their uncomfortability.
Nonetheless, I'm called to actively live my faith everyday. I think it's tough to dodge hurled insults; would I last a day when I would fear death speaking the name of the Lord? I used to fear what friends and family would think about me. I tried to tone down the truth. With my in-laws? Forget it. I'll leave the witnessing to my husband.
Then, I thought I'd get really upfront about my love of the Lord. I bought lots of Christian tee-shirts, I plastered my car with witnessing stickers. I would adamtely protest things that were 'Un-Christian.' Give me a break. I don't know who I was trying to be with my 'drive-by evangelism,' but I wasn't being true to my Lord.
SO, DO I HAVE A POINT?
"The apostles left the Sanhedrin, rejoicing because they have been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name. Day after day, in the temple courts and from house to house, they never stopped teaching and proclaiming the good news that Jesus is the Christ." Acts 5.41-42
Do you see that? They were actually happy because the Lord had chosen them to suffer for Him. Can I say that? Here's another. It's long but it really makes a point:
"Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speak and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors, known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything." Paul in 2 Corinthians 6.3-10
Does this life sound easy? No. It's not for someone who likes to blend in with the crowd. Sure, I hear what people say, and I have a good idea of how they think. But my choice, and yours, is who's opinion matters more. To those apostles who gladly wore the scars of shame, and for Paul; their choice is obvious. I want my choice to be obvious too. Think about it.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
LETTING THE WORD SPEAK FOR HIMSELF
I thought I would share with you some of my favorite scripture verses. If for no other reason that one may strike you as it struck me. They are in no particular order, other than the first one of course. So, enjoy and think about it as always.
"This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that cam by Christ Jesus." Romans 3.22-24
"Show me O Lord, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man's life is but a breath." Psalm 39.4-5
"Yet I am always with you; You hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? and earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73.23-26
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior." Isaiah 43.1-3
This next one is one that the Lord gave me. I love it. Jeremiah the prophet is speaking. He was chosen by God to give the rebellious people of Israel a message, and you can guess he's not popular for it. He wants to give up and run away, but he can't. It sums up how I feel about the Lord.
"But if I say I will not mention Him or speak any more in His name, His word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot." Jeremiah 20.9
When the Lord is asked His name for the first time...
"God said to Moses, "I AM who I AM." Exodus 3.14
And the Lord tells us who He is...
"The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin." Exodus 34.6-7
The rest of the New Testament tomorrow...
I thought I would share with you some of my favorite scripture verses. If for no other reason that one may strike you as it struck me. They are in no particular order, other than the first one of course. So, enjoy and think about it as always.
"This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that cam by Christ Jesus." Romans 3.22-24
"Show me O Lord, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man's life is but a breath." Psalm 39.4-5
"Yet I am always with you; You hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? and earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73.23-26
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior." Isaiah 43.1-3
This next one is one that the Lord gave me. I love it. Jeremiah the prophet is speaking. He was chosen by God to give the rebellious people of Israel a message, and you can guess he's not popular for it. He wants to give up and run away, but he can't. It sums up how I feel about the Lord.
"But if I say I will not mention Him or speak any more in His name, His word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot." Jeremiah 20.9
When the Lord is asked His name for the first time...
"God said to Moses, "I AM who I AM." Exodus 3.14
And the Lord tells us who He is...
"The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin." Exodus 34.6-7
The rest of the New Testament tomorrow...
Monday, October 24, 2005
HOW INSIGNIFICANT
It's fascinating to read all of the speculation of recent. It seems that people really need to figure out what's going on in the world. What with the weather, Israel, Iraq; we rarely have time to focus on one news story for too long these days. If you randomly search websites like I have a tendency to, you'll find all sorts of predictions. Global warming is a big suspicion. Heck, I've even heard a prediction that our military was performing underwater nuclear bomb testing. Of course, I'm sure you know that the predictions of most intrigue to me have to do with end-time prophecy fulfillment. Just last night I researched two sites that discussed what each current event meant for the earth. It would seem that we are spiraling toward the end in a hurry these days. I haven't been the Lord's for that long, but people tell me that according to some folk, we've been heading toward the end for a long time.
Funny, but it seems to me that people miss the point. If the reporters and the webmasters are correct, and we are heading toward the end, what are we supposed to do about it? Let's suppose the Christians are correct for a minute. If we take just the most cursory glance at the Bible, we see that the first few lines make some big claims. "In the beginning, God..." It seems that He made everything. Yes, everything. Then, if we want to keep going, we find out that God even knows the names of the stars! "He (God) determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name. Great is our Lord and mighty in power; His understanding has no limit." Psalm 147.4-5. Wow. That's an enormous and unfathomable claim. So not only did God make each individual animal and each plant species, but He made and knows all stars and all galaxies.
Well, I have to go one more. He also made everyone of us and calls us by name too. (John 10.3)
WHAT'S THE POINT OF ALL THIS?
The point of all this is that people are focusing on the wrong thing. Re-read what I wrote above. He made all the stars and knows them by name. That's incomprehensible to us, isn't it? Yet, if we just believe that, then think about the fact that He's even interested in us at all. I'd make a horrible god because I'd look out at the stars all proud of myself and forget about foolish people. But He doesn't forget about us because He is an amazing and magnificent God. There are no words to describe our God, but people have been struggling to find the right ones for centuries. He cares about each and every one of us. He wants to share every intimate detail of our lives with us. Do awful things like hurricanes happen? Of course they do. The earth fell subject to sin way back in the beginning too. Is God there with us when they happen? Yes. He promises to love us; to be our rock and our strength in time of need. (Psalm 46.1)
So, whether or not the earth is ending tomorrow is not the correct question. Rather, the question is, DO you want the Lord that knows every star by name to be your Lord too?
Think about it.
It's fascinating to read all of the speculation of recent. It seems that people really need to figure out what's going on in the world. What with the weather, Israel, Iraq; we rarely have time to focus on one news story for too long these days. If you randomly search websites like I have a tendency to, you'll find all sorts of predictions. Global warming is a big suspicion. Heck, I've even heard a prediction that our military was performing underwater nuclear bomb testing. Of course, I'm sure you know that the predictions of most intrigue to me have to do with end-time prophecy fulfillment. Just last night I researched two sites that discussed what each current event meant for the earth. It would seem that we are spiraling toward the end in a hurry these days. I haven't been the Lord's for that long, but people tell me that according to some folk, we've been heading toward the end for a long time.
Funny, but it seems to me that people miss the point. If the reporters and the webmasters are correct, and we are heading toward the end, what are we supposed to do about it? Let's suppose the Christians are correct for a minute. If we take just the most cursory glance at the Bible, we see that the first few lines make some big claims. "In the beginning, God..." It seems that He made everything. Yes, everything. Then, if we want to keep going, we find out that God even knows the names of the stars! "He (God) determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name. Great is our Lord and mighty in power; His understanding has no limit." Psalm 147.4-5. Wow. That's an enormous and unfathomable claim. So not only did God make each individual animal and each plant species, but He made and knows all stars and all galaxies.
Well, I have to go one more. He also made everyone of us and calls us by name too. (John 10.3)
WHAT'S THE POINT OF ALL THIS?
The point of all this is that people are focusing on the wrong thing. Re-read what I wrote above. He made all the stars and knows them by name. That's incomprehensible to us, isn't it? Yet, if we just believe that, then think about the fact that He's even interested in us at all. I'd make a horrible god because I'd look out at the stars all proud of myself and forget about foolish people. But He doesn't forget about us because He is an amazing and magnificent God. There are no words to describe our God, but people have been struggling to find the right ones for centuries. He cares about each and every one of us. He wants to share every intimate detail of our lives with us. Do awful things like hurricanes happen? Of course they do. The earth fell subject to sin way back in the beginning too. Is God there with us when they happen? Yes. He promises to love us; to be our rock and our strength in time of need. (Psalm 46.1)
So, whether or not the earth is ending tomorrow is not the correct question. Rather, the question is, DO you want the Lord that knows every star by name to be your Lord too?
Think about it.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
THE PRICK WE ALL FEEL
Maybe you notice that sometimes I take quite a while between postings. My original intention when I first started writing this was to post everyday, no exceptions. I love writing, and I wanted this to be something that my readers could go to everyday: an online devotional as it were. However, I am not able to post everyday because of a problem I have.
It's taken a considerable amount of time for me to decide whether or not to write this particular blog. I believe that any decent writer should take risks and go out on the proverbial limbs when creating their work, but that doesn't make it any easier. However, I also am as completely sure as I can be that God needs us to be truthful with one another for anything real to happen.
Enough said. As I continue in my walk with the Lord, I am becoming more attached to the writings of Paul. In the beginning, I shied away from him because I thought he was too expressive, too much. I admired Peter instead. Peter who would have Jesus ask him to walk on water, who would slash off the guard's ear defending his Lord. That was more like me I thought, the brash and fearless defender of the faith. However, as I continue on, I see how much Paul and I are also alike. First and foremost, we are both writers. That alone generates a certain bond. Secondly, he was open and vulnerable in order to help seekers and Christians alike know that we're not perfect; not even close. He does that perfectly in 2 Corinthians 12.
It is there that we read of Paul's thorn. Glory to God and His matchless wisdom for not revealing to us what Paul's thorn was. Oh sure, there has been speculation, but it was never confirmed. Instead, we are left being able to relate to a man who had a thorn in his flesh, one that could very well resemble my own.
"To keep me from becoming conceited...There was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest in me." (2 Corninthians 12.7-9)
What a statement. When I became the Lord's I thought I would be rid of the sinful desires of my past. As a matter of fact, I thought I could rid myself of them if I just tried hard enough. I felt like a failure because I couldn't 'fix' myself of the lusts and cravings that surrounded me.
WHAT'S THE POINT?
The point is that I have a thorn that I have to deal with on a daily basis. Sometimes it causes me to stay away from the internet for a week or two. I have the thorn of pornography that if left unchecked, can lead me to places that I know I should not be. I am not completely safe on the internet, watching television, listening to certain radio channels, or by magazine racks. I've had this problem all my life, it's only now that I know just how dangerous and pervasive it really is. I have prayed for deliverance and blinders and porn is still around.
I have told my husband, and he tries to help me the best he can. I have also told some friends, and they work to keep me accountable. I usually don't go running to them though; something inside of me whispers not to burden them with another saga of my life. I know that's not true, but it is how I think nonetheless. I keep as many safeguards in place as I can, and the victory comes from tearing myself away from the stronghold and running in the opposite direction. Praying of course.
"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (vs. 10)
Think about it.
Maybe you notice that sometimes I take quite a while between postings. My original intention when I first started writing this was to post everyday, no exceptions. I love writing, and I wanted this to be something that my readers could go to everyday: an online devotional as it were. However, I am not able to post everyday because of a problem I have.
It's taken a considerable amount of time for me to decide whether or not to write this particular blog. I believe that any decent writer should take risks and go out on the proverbial limbs when creating their work, but that doesn't make it any easier. However, I also am as completely sure as I can be that God needs us to be truthful with one another for anything real to happen.
Enough said. As I continue in my walk with the Lord, I am becoming more attached to the writings of Paul. In the beginning, I shied away from him because I thought he was too expressive, too much. I admired Peter instead. Peter who would have Jesus ask him to walk on water, who would slash off the guard's ear defending his Lord. That was more like me I thought, the brash and fearless defender of the faith. However, as I continue on, I see how much Paul and I are also alike. First and foremost, we are both writers. That alone generates a certain bond. Secondly, he was open and vulnerable in order to help seekers and Christians alike know that we're not perfect; not even close. He does that perfectly in 2 Corinthians 12.
It is there that we read of Paul's thorn. Glory to God and His matchless wisdom for not revealing to us what Paul's thorn was. Oh sure, there has been speculation, but it was never confirmed. Instead, we are left being able to relate to a man who had a thorn in his flesh, one that could very well resemble my own.
"To keep me from becoming conceited...There was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest in me." (2 Corninthians 12.7-9)
What a statement. When I became the Lord's I thought I would be rid of the sinful desires of my past. As a matter of fact, I thought I could rid myself of them if I just tried hard enough. I felt like a failure because I couldn't 'fix' myself of the lusts and cravings that surrounded me.
WHAT'S THE POINT?
The point is that I have a thorn that I have to deal with on a daily basis. Sometimes it causes me to stay away from the internet for a week or two. I have the thorn of pornography that if left unchecked, can lead me to places that I know I should not be. I am not completely safe on the internet, watching television, listening to certain radio channels, or by magazine racks. I've had this problem all my life, it's only now that I know just how dangerous and pervasive it really is. I have prayed for deliverance and blinders and porn is still around.
I have told my husband, and he tries to help me the best he can. I have also told some friends, and they work to keep me accountable. I usually don't go running to them though; something inside of me whispers not to burden them with another saga of my life. I know that's not true, but it is how I think nonetheless. I keep as many safeguards in place as I can, and the victory comes from tearing myself away from the stronghold and running in the opposite direction. Praying of course.
"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (vs. 10)
Think about it.
Thursday, October 06, 2005
THE REST OF THE STORY
So, one morning I woke up and felt this burning desire to go to church. I have to admit, looking back, that a desire to stab a fork in my eye would have made more sense to me. We hadn't been to church in years, and I had given up on God years before. Anyhow, off to church we went, the man, me and our two kids. Well, all good Catholic churches had already started. We drove around town, and found one that would be offering a service at 6pm that evening. We decided to go back then, but we had a few knockdown fights, and by the time 6 rolled around, no one wanted to go but me. So, off I went; determined to find out why I needed to go, and then to have fun at a bar afterwards.
Well, the mass was just as I remembered it; boring songs and repeat-after-me memorization quotes. But, then we settled in for the sermon. I was not expecting anything at this point. Priest got up, and began to talk about the gifts of the Spirit (very unusual for a Catholic). I will never forget this. He held up a glass of white milk, said this is your soul. Then he started pouring in chocolate syrup and said this is what it's like when you are baptized, given communion, and confirmed. He added a spoon and started stirring, saying that this is what your life is like when you use the gifts of the Spirit.
Well, he listed off some of the gifts, and I heard self-control (ha), wisdom and some others. Well, wisdom sounded great to me. I prayed, 'God, I give up. If you're out there, and you think you can do better with my messed-up life, go right ahead. Give me some wisdom so I can figure out what to do.' I left service and went to the bar, not thinking anything about it.
I can sum up what happened next in the biggest understatement ever; Things changed. The first thing I started doing was listening to Christian radio. I knew those people would have some information about what had just happened to me. Through advice I heard on the radio, I decided to start going to Christian counseling. Through him, I started attending a Christian 12-step group and started attending their Evangelical church where I rededicate my life to Christ. I woke up one morning with a burning desire to go to school again, and I just graduated with my bachelor's in Christian Ministry (see picture.) My fiance and I got married finally.
I know that there are other ways to describe what happened to my life. But I was in it. I know how fast it was going down the tubes, and I was ready to let that happen. God picked up my life from a sewer and cleaned me off.
He asks one thing of me; to love Him. To take the time to get to know Him, and be obedient to Him like you would any loved one. He asks me to lean on Him (which I'm not good at) and to trust Him (even worse). When I can't do that, He forgives me.
My life isn't perfect. My husband and I argue sometimes, I still sin. I am only forgiven.
WHAT'S THE POINT?
He loves you as much as He does me. He wants your heart, and your scars and bruises too. If you're His already, He wants the parts of you that you're keeping from Him. He wants ALL of you. I ask you to show me a human that wants every part of any of us; our good, our bad, our ugly. Yet, He does.
Think about it...
So, one morning I woke up and felt this burning desire to go to church. I have to admit, looking back, that a desire to stab a fork in my eye would have made more sense to me. We hadn't been to church in years, and I had given up on God years before. Anyhow, off to church we went, the man, me and our two kids. Well, all good Catholic churches had already started. We drove around town, and found one that would be offering a service at 6pm that evening. We decided to go back then, but we had a few knockdown fights, and by the time 6 rolled around, no one wanted to go but me. So, off I went; determined to find out why I needed to go, and then to have fun at a bar afterwards.
Well, the mass was just as I remembered it; boring songs and repeat-after-me memorization quotes. But, then we settled in for the sermon. I was not expecting anything at this point. Priest got up, and began to talk about the gifts of the Spirit (very unusual for a Catholic). I will never forget this. He held up a glass of white milk, said this is your soul. Then he started pouring in chocolate syrup and said this is what it's like when you are baptized, given communion, and confirmed. He added a spoon and started stirring, saying that this is what your life is like when you use the gifts of the Spirit.
Well, he listed off some of the gifts, and I heard self-control (ha), wisdom and some others. Well, wisdom sounded great to me. I prayed, 'God, I give up. If you're out there, and you think you can do better with my messed-up life, go right ahead. Give me some wisdom so I can figure out what to do.' I left service and went to the bar, not thinking anything about it.
I can sum up what happened next in the biggest understatement ever; Things changed. The first thing I started doing was listening to Christian radio. I knew those people would have some information about what had just happened to me. Through advice I heard on the radio, I decided to start going to Christian counseling. Through him, I started attending a Christian 12-step group and started attending their Evangelical church where I rededicate my life to Christ. I woke up one morning with a burning desire to go to school again, and I just graduated with my bachelor's in Christian Ministry (see picture.) My fiance and I got married finally.
I know that there are other ways to describe what happened to my life. But I was in it. I know how fast it was going down the tubes, and I was ready to let that happen. God picked up my life from a sewer and cleaned me off.
He asks one thing of me; to love Him. To take the time to get to know Him, and be obedient to Him like you would any loved one. He asks me to lean on Him (which I'm not good at) and to trust Him (even worse). When I can't do that, He forgives me.
My life isn't perfect. My husband and I argue sometimes, I still sin. I am only forgiven.
WHAT'S THE POINT?
He loves you as much as He does me. He wants your heart, and your scars and bruises too. If you're His already, He wants the parts of you that you're keeping from Him. He wants ALL of you. I ask you to show me a human that wants every part of any of us; our good, our bad, our ugly. Yet, He does.
Think about it...
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
WHO I AM
The interesting thing to me is that people feel they are 'too sinful' to commit their lives to Christ. I remember when I used to think that way. When I started in a church, I was afraid to tell my story because I thought people would tell me to leave; that God hadn't really accepted such a sinner as myself. I thought people would gasp in shock at my story. Well, actually, people did gasp at my story. But that's only because you can't look at the person I am now and imagine the person I was.
I think it's only fair to those of you who are reading this know who I am; my 'Christ credentials' if you will. He has done such a mighty work in my life and the lives of those in my family. Every time I write this story, or tell someone, I am humbled and amazed all over again. Why me? Well, that's just His grace and mercy in action. I'll write about those two powerful words another day. For now, my story of His glory.
I could start from the beginning, when I was little, but it would take too long. To sum it up in one sentence; I grew up poor, fatherless and abused. The one thing that happened to me at age eleven was that my Godfather, who was born again, brought me to church where I accepted Christ as my Savior. Then I forgot all about it.
Flash forward to age eighteen. I was by then a drug addict, mostly pot and LSD. I dropped out of college by nineteen and got an apartment. I then met a guy who introduced me to crack. Up to then, I has used coke a few times, and even meth, but it never became a hard addiction. I thought I was safe with crack, invincible even. Boy was I wrong. Crack took me on a death spiral that only God could save me from. My most memorable experience? When a gang of thugs pulled a gun and pointed it at my head. I was in a dark alley late at night, what stopped them from shooting me? I thought back then that I just got lucky, but it was Him.
I had quit using for the twentieth time when I met my now husband. He made it a little harder to use because he was not a junkie. No, quite the opposite; he wanted to be a cop. So, I managed to stay off the drugs, mostly because I became pregnant. Looking back, I can also see that God's hand was involved with my pregnancy and our decision not to abort our unborn child.
Well, my daughter was born, and then I went to work at a bar. Not a great place for someone like me. I was back to smoking pot and also added drinking to the list of addictions this time. I tried to leave my fiance dozens of times throughout this, but somehow we always patched things up. In the middle of all this, our son was born. He did not enter into a great relationship by any stretch. I was out all the time, and my fiance hated it. He was always angry with me, and I could never understand why.
Flash forward through years of drinking and fighting to three years ago. I was ready to leave him for good this time. I had a new man in my life, and we were going to rent a house together. I had enough of the cop at home always telling me what to do and demanding that I get my life in order. The best solution was to get him out of my life for good.
I was thwarted at the last minute. The jerk lost his job. I couldn't stomach kicking a man when he was down. The new man and I decided to postpone our new lives until my soon-to-be-ex could find a new job, then I was out of there. Little did I know what God's plan would be...
THE POINT IS TO BE CONTINUED...
The interesting thing to me is that people feel they are 'too sinful' to commit their lives to Christ. I remember when I used to think that way. When I started in a church, I was afraid to tell my story because I thought people would tell me to leave; that God hadn't really accepted such a sinner as myself. I thought people would gasp in shock at my story. Well, actually, people did gasp at my story. But that's only because you can't look at the person I am now and imagine the person I was.
I think it's only fair to those of you who are reading this know who I am; my 'Christ credentials' if you will. He has done such a mighty work in my life and the lives of those in my family. Every time I write this story, or tell someone, I am humbled and amazed all over again. Why me? Well, that's just His grace and mercy in action. I'll write about those two powerful words another day. For now, my story of His glory.
I could start from the beginning, when I was little, but it would take too long. To sum it up in one sentence; I grew up poor, fatherless and abused. The one thing that happened to me at age eleven was that my Godfather, who was born again, brought me to church where I accepted Christ as my Savior. Then I forgot all about it.
Flash forward to age eighteen. I was by then a drug addict, mostly pot and LSD. I dropped out of college by nineteen and got an apartment. I then met a guy who introduced me to crack. Up to then, I has used coke a few times, and even meth, but it never became a hard addiction. I thought I was safe with crack, invincible even. Boy was I wrong. Crack took me on a death spiral that only God could save me from. My most memorable experience? When a gang of thugs pulled a gun and pointed it at my head. I was in a dark alley late at night, what stopped them from shooting me? I thought back then that I just got lucky, but it was Him.
I had quit using for the twentieth time when I met my now husband. He made it a little harder to use because he was not a junkie. No, quite the opposite; he wanted to be a cop. So, I managed to stay off the drugs, mostly because I became pregnant. Looking back, I can also see that God's hand was involved with my pregnancy and our decision not to abort our unborn child.
Well, my daughter was born, and then I went to work at a bar. Not a great place for someone like me. I was back to smoking pot and also added drinking to the list of addictions this time. I tried to leave my fiance dozens of times throughout this, but somehow we always patched things up. In the middle of all this, our son was born. He did not enter into a great relationship by any stretch. I was out all the time, and my fiance hated it. He was always angry with me, and I could never understand why.
Flash forward through years of drinking and fighting to three years ago. I was ready to leave him for good this time. I had a new man in my life, and we were going to rent a house together. I had enough of the cop at home always telling me what to do and demanding that I get my life in order. The best solution was to get him out of my life for good.
I was thwarted at the last minute. The jerk lost his job. I couldn't stomach kicking a man when he was down. The new man and I decided to postpone our new lives until my soon-to-be-ex could find a new job, then I was out of there. Little did I know what God's plan would be...
THE POINT IS TO BE CONTINUED...
HOUSEKEEPING MEMO.
I have been told that it is tough to post a comment to this blog. I have changed the settings so that anyone can post a comment without setting up a username etc. etc. If nasty spam shows up, I'll have to change it back. For now, I wanted to make it easier to post comments (please) .
THANKS AND GOD BLESS
I have been told that it is tough to post a comment to this blog. I have changed the settings so that anyone can post a comment without setting up a username etc. etc. If nasty spam shows up, I'll have to change it back. For now, I wanted to make it easier to post comments (please) .
THANKS AND GOD BLESS
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