THE PRICK WE ALL FEEL

Maybe you notice that sometimes I take quite a while between postings. My original intention when I first started writing this was to post everyday, no exceptions. I love writing, and I wanted this to be something that my readers could go to everyday: an online devotional as it were. However, I am not able to post everyday because of a problem I have.
It's taken a considerable amount of time for me to decide whether or not to write this particular blog. I believe that any decent writer should take risks and go out on the proverbial limbs when creating their work, but that doesn't make it any easier. However, I also am as completely sure as I can be that God needs us to be truthful with one another for anything real to happen.
Enough said. As I continue in my walk with the Lord, I am becoming more attached to the writings of Paul. In the beginning, I shied away from him because I thought he was too expressive, too much. I admired Peter instead. Peter who would have Jesus ask him to walk on water, who would slash off the guard's ear defending his Lord. That was more like me I thought, the brash and fearless defender of the faith. However, as I continue on, I see how much Paul and I are also alike. First and foremost, we are both writers. That alone generates a certain bond. Secondly, he was open and vulnerable in order to help seekers and Christians alike know that we're not perfect; not even close. He does that perfectly in 2 Corinthians 12.
It is there that we read of Paul's thorn. Glory to God and His matchless wisdom for not revealing to us what Paul's thorn was. Oh sure, there has been speculation, but it was never confirmed. Instead, we are left being able to relate to a man who had a thorn in his flesh, one that could very well resemble my own.
"To keep me from becoming conceited...There was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest in me." (2 Corninthians 12.7-9)
What a statement. When I became the Lord's I thought I would be rid of the sinful desires of my past. As a matter of fact, I thought I could rid myself of them if I just tried hard enough. I felt like a failure because I couldn't 'fix' myself of the lusts and cravings that surrounded me.
WHAT'S THE POINT?

The point is that I have a thorn that I have to deal with on a daily basis. Sometimes it causes me to stay away from the internet for a week or two. I have the thorn of pornography that if left unchecked, can lead me to places that I know I should not be. I am not completely safe on the internet, watching television, listening to certain radio channels, or by magazine racks. I've had this problem all my life, it's only now that I know just how dangerous and pervasive it really is. I have prayed for deliverance and blinders and porn is still around.
I have told my husband, and he tries to help me the best he can. I have also told some friends, and they work to keep me accountable. I usually don't go running to them though; something inside of me whispers not to burden them with another saga of my life. I know that's not true, but it is how I think nonetheless. I keep as many safeguards in place as I can, and the victory comes from tearing myself away from the stronghold and running in the opposite direction. Praying of course.
"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (vs. 10)
Think about it.