mythology

Tell me why I am at this place again.   Father, if you’re listening, and I am beginning to have my doubts, please tell me why my life is so cyclical.  I have tried; I have stopped trying, I have wrestled with you; I have released my grip.  What more is there?  I thought that with my last valley I was free and clear for quite a while.  This one is deeper, dryer, and more invasive than I’m comfortable with, really.  I have nothing left to say.  I guess I will be down here; waiting.

Mythology used to fascinate me in high school and college.  I found it spectacular that the ancient peoples truly believed in gods and goddesses.  Even more fascinating was that they had a god for every occasion.  These gods were not reliable either; oh no, instead, they were finicky and peculiar. They could change their mind, fight with one another, and just become rather unpleasant.

I find myself wondering how easy or how hard it would be to worship these gods and goddesses.  Under slight duress, I found myself watching Troy the other night.  Throughout the movie, I wondered two things: why did the men wear such short skirts, and why did they bother to rely on the gods who never seemed to come through?  

I remember one scene.  The Greeks just finished plundering Apollo’s temple and cutting the head off his massive bronze statue.  Predictably, Apollo does nothing about this affront, and the Trojans are left to wonder whom it is they actually worship.  I would think that would be a major clue that something is wrong.  See, their gods were not like mine.  I know my God is patient and is not One to smite every offense, much to my general relief usually. No, their gods were ones that played with lightening bolts and if someone made them mad, they usually knew about it.  

So, what was the point in having all these gods?  If there was no predictability, why waste the time and effort? Most importantly, if there was no knowledge of reliance upon any of these deities, where did the desire stem from?  Oh sure, a desire to explain the ever pressing questions of why and how, but was Zeus and his bunch really the best answer for day to day life?

So, after much reflection, I find myself here again.  Particulars aside, I let myself down time and time again.  I tell God not to waste any more of his time on me because I am a hopeless case.  At the very least, I will become like Saul and waste the blessings anyhow by doing things my way.  And I start to feel sorry for myself but it occurs to me, with the help of a very good friend, that I have indeed created my own mythology.

In order to clean out some wounds, one must gut them completely and apply some sort of cleanser to the infected area.  My friend did some much-needed digging in my life and revealed what she refers to as ‘havens.’  Havens, mythology; same difference.  

Let me explain.  When I am feeling like the valley is too low, or the problems have just become too much, I have familiar escapes set in place for me to run.  One of the escapes is to the refrigerator.  It seems innocuous from first glance, a guilty pleasure.  But it’s not, if I let it really take a hold, is it?  The other two myths I have involve my own head.  I like to let my anger and frustration really fester.  It becomes so powerful; so addictive. The last myth is my ‘other life’ myth.  I can convince myself that if I were to escape this current life, the next one would be so much better.  I would make sure that everything was set up perfectly going into it, as to prevent current kinds of crap from entering in.  

Are these current myths any different from the ones the ancient Greeks used to hold up?  Am I indeed lying to myself; deluding myself into thinking these myths, these havens, hold any truth, any reality?  The ancient people used gods to explain their current events, and clung to worshipping them as a way of control.  I use my myths as a convoluted way of explaining away my current reality.  I escape to them as a form of worship, to bring my sort of control to the situation.  

WHAT DOES JESUS HAVE TO SAY ABOUT ALL THIS? FIND OUT TOMORROW.