(sorry I’ve been gone a while…preoccupied with job search, forgot to trust God)


To exclaim

1: to cry out or speak in strong or sudden emotion
2: to speak loudly or vehemently
3: to utter sharply, passionately, or vehemently: proclaim


I am utterly addicted to music infomercials. You know the ones I mean; where two members from REO Speedwagon or Air Supply reminisce with their co-host about long-ago songs from years past. For a half-hour they’ll conjure up memories about this hit or that, saying coy phrases like, “Oh, remember when this song used to come on the radio and everybody would turn it up?”

Well I for one remember those days. I have been addicted to music my whole life. From a little girl dancing to her mother’s records (remember those?) to a mom dancing with her kids, I have deeply loved music. Of all kinds I might add. I went through a rock n’ roll, classic country, reggae, love song, classical, Grateful Dead, Prince, oldies, punk, alternative and Christian phase throughout my life. The only types of music I don’t like are polka and opera.

I also have a gift that assists my musical love affair. I have the uncanny ability to remember the lyrics of a song after I hear it the first time. So, when I hear a song that moves me, I never really forget it.

So, these infomercials were really designed for someone like me. They take me on an emotional roller coaster every single time they’re on television. So many songs will take me to a different place in my life; where I was, what I was doing, who I was with. If you were to be in the room with me during these pregnant commercials, you would definitely hear me exclaim. Sometimes rather loudly. This was certainly the case this past Saturday.

This was a new infomercial on the late-night circuit. It was, “Ultimate Rock Ballads.” Let me tell you, this was chock full of some great music! (If anyone wants to buy it for me, I wouldn’t be opposed). But it had the undesired effect of bringing back some memories I had stashed away.

Some of the music pointed straight at my teen years, when I was the most volatile. There was one particular relationship that was almost my undoing which could claim at least five songs on this particular set. There was a relationship in college that was one of my best (before my husband of course) that could claim at least two songs.

I started getting incredibly nostalgic, in a dangerous way. I thought about what life could have been like had I taken those roads to which those songs belonged. It’s easy to guess when there’s no knowledge of what life would have been like; no misbehaving kids, no overdue bills, no job stress. So, when I combined the songs with a ‘what might have been’ spirit, things became combustible. I went to bed that night sorrowful. All I could think about were the bad choices I had made, wrong decisions and mistakes that these songs had conjured up.

It was with this heart condition that I went to church on Sunday. My spiritual health wasn’t the best before the infomercial; still looking for a job, money crisis always overhead, all weighing heavily, top of mind. So the infomercial was just another straw on my back.

God is still in control of this situation, I will tell you that. My pastor has been in the book of Philippians for the past month, and it was there he remained on Sunday. And the verse he used for this particular sermon?

“Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heaven-ward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3.13-14

The allusion the writer Paul is using is a runner in a race. It makes a great word picture if you think about it. What runner is foolish enough to look behind her when she’s in a race for the finish line? Instead, the runner stays singularly focused on the finish line; heart pounding, pulse racing, knowing what glory is at the end.

And my end is Jesus. I know that like I know the words to these meaningless songs. Even better than that, because I know what Jesus has actually done in my life and continues to do everyday. Jesus is what has meaning, and those horrible decisions I made in the past? Gone. What might have been? Gone too.

Jesus saw all of my terrible choices and He forgave them. He knew how those choices would affect my walk with Him too, how He would use them to proclaim His glory. He has redeemed me as His precious daughter, clean and pure in His sight.

In the Bible, Paul was able to put all of his rotten past behind him. And he was guilty of murdering Christians in his past. But he knew Jesus had forgiven him, so he removed it from his line of sight. That’s what I want; because I know I have been forgiven too.

“My whole being will exclaim,
‘Who is like you, O Lord?’ (Psalm 35.10)

(I do still like the music though.)

Oh to simply adore

1: to worship or honor as divine
2: to regard with loving admiration and devotion
3: to be very fond of

I will tell you someone who America, if not the world, adores these days. Her name is Oprah Winfrey. I remember her when she was just another struggling talk show host. My mom and I used to watch her; Oprah was an underground champion for us Chicagoans. She would compete against Phil Donahue (remember him?) and her shows would be about real issues, like divorce, abuse, women’s issues. In fact, she is credited with bring homosexual issues to the forefront of television.

Now she certainly does not struggle anymore. She regularly makes the top five in the Fortune 500 list of the world’s richest people. She has been noted in CNN and Time magazine as being ‘the world’s most influential woman.’ Her guests are top celebrities, artists, doctors and newsmakers. She has her ‘favorite things’ shows where she gives luxurious gifts to her entire audience. She recently had ‘Oprah’s Big Give’ where she had contestants give money to complete strangers in a benevolent fashion. She currently has over 22 million faithful viewers. Her website registers more than 70 million page views and more than six million users per month according to research websites.

Therefore, it comes as no small feat when a million people sign up for her latest endeavor; A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purposes book study. If you have been living in the dark, this is an online study done with Eckhart Tolle and Oprah based on the book Tolle wrote. It is a little difficult to describe this book, so let a female minister from Texas describe how the book and the study have influenced her. A New Earth has also shown Margit a different way of looking at Jesus Christ. "I've always tried to find a deeper inner connection with the purpose that Christ had here on earth," Margit says. "All my life, I thought it was just for him to die on the cross for my sins. But I now recognize that Jesus actually taught me Christ consciousness. To be fully human is to be Christ-like." Sounds a little different from the Jesus I know.

“But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent's cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 11.3

The most unnerving part of this whole issue is how much blind trust people place in Oprah’s hands. Over the past weeks I have watched ‘testimonies’ from people who say how refreshing this course has been, how enlightening, how much more freeing than the Christianity they know. Oprah has a sway over people that few people in history has ever had.

Oprah says herself that to say that Jesus is the only way is extremely narrow-minded and judgmental. Here is a list of differences between ‘Old Spirituality’ (Jesus) and ‘New Spirituality’ (new-age theories espoused by Oprah and company. This list was found on Oprah’s website in answer to the question of whether these new teachings will mesh with people’s current religions.

Old spirituality
1. Who Has Authority? The hierarchy has the authority. Church authorities tell you how to worship in church and how to behave outside of church.
2. What Is Spirituality? God, and the path to worship Him, have already been defined. All you need to do is follow the directions.
3. What Is the Path to God? There is only one path. It is the right way and all other ways are wrong.
4. What Is Sacred? Parts of yourself—like the body, or ego, or emotions—are evil. Deny or transcend or sublimate them or they will lead you astray.
5. What Is the Truth? The truth is like a rock. Your understanding of it should never waver. Therefore ask the same questions and receive the same answers at all stages of life.

New Spirituality
1. Who Has Authority? You are your own best authority. As you work to know and love yourself, you discover how to live a spiritual life.
2. What Is Spirituality? You listen within for your own definition of spirituality. Your deeper longings are your compass on the search.
3. What Is the Path to God? Many paths lead to spiritual freedom and peace. You have a rich array of gems from which to draw illumination: the world's religious traditions; mythology; philosophy; psychology; healing methods; scientific wisdom; your own experience. String a necklace all your own.
4. What Is Sacred? Everything is sacred—your body, mind, psyche, heart, and soul. The world is sacred, too, with all of its light and darkness. Bring the exiled and unloved parts of yourself back into the fold.
5. What Is the Truth? The truth is like the horizon—forever ahead of you, forever changing its shape and color. Let your spiritual path change and diverge as you journey toward it. You live many lives in one lifetime. The truth accommodates your growth.


Enough of this. It makes my heart heavy and when I look at these ‘worshippers’ at the altar of delusion and confusion, I see something that scares me a little. I take heart that the Lord warned us of this through Paul. “For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.” 2 Timothy 4.3

Is it filling something in some people that they need to hear? In this day, where everything is about the self, isn’t it time to find out that we are indeed Christ too?

We need to remember something so very exquisitely simple, “TASTE AND SEE THAT THE Lord IS GOOD; BLESSED IS THE ONE WHO TAKES REFUGE IN HIM.” Psalm 34.8

Christ’s message is so simple, but I am afraid that people are turned off because it sounds kind of judgmental and confusing. People do not want to hear that they are sinners. Nevertheless, the truth is-we are. However, God is good. He is so good that He forgives us our sins. Let me ponder this, if I am my own Christ, do I have to forgive myself? And who helps me not to do it again?

Yours, O LORD, is the greatness, the power, the glory, the victory, and the majesty. Everything in the heavens and on earth is yours, O LORD, and this is your kingdom. We adore you as the one who is over all things. 1 Chronicles 29.11

I do not know about you, but I do not want to draw my spirituality from mythology; I do not want my truth to be constantly changing. I want my truth to be a solid foundation I can walk upon, and trust it will still be there. I pray this week that you will think about this and do some praying to Someone outside of you. He is listening and He loves you.

Hum…

1. To give forth an indistinct sound of mingled voices or noises

2. An inarticulate sound uttered in contemplation


I have to say; this is a tough word to work with. Most of the definitions contained the word ‘hum’ in them. I contemplated skipping over this word, but I knew my conscience would bother me. So, here goes.

My daughter loves to hum. She is constantly humming some made up song. We can hear her coming and going, all through the house. It drives her brother nuts. It is sweet to me, like a bird, or Snow White, living in my home. I especially like the fact that she does not hum songs she has heard. Rather, she makes them up as she goes, to fit her mood and her surroundings.

I do not hum. Sometimes I sing. Sometimes I get annoying lyrics stuck in my head that I cannot get out and I have to make some noise to get them out. However, I do have something like a hum going on in my head most of the time. Now wait, I do not mean like a crazy, buzzing noise. The hum I have is from a constant barrage of sights and sounds and thoughts occurring together.

I meet with a precious group of teenage girls every week. They are girls who have had their share of problems in their young lives, and still deal with these problems on a daily basis. The weight of most of these girls’ worlds is heavy and most of them have to carry it themselves. I can say I hear a distinct hum from God while I am around these girls. The hum impresses on me how much He loves them. How much His heart aches for them. How He wants to love them through me. I operate on that hum when I am with them.

Friday is the Jewish holiday of Purim. Here is how one website describes the holiday; On Purim, Jews today remember how Esther saved the Jews of Persia from annihilation, as recorded in the Biblical Book of Esther. In general, Purim celebrates Jewish survival. Despite the plans of others to persecute and even annihilate Jews in the past, the Jewish People has survived for approximately 4,000 years.

Well, the evil villain in the book of Esther is named Haman. He was the one out to destroy the Jews. Whenever the name Haman is said during the telling of the story, the Jewish people will shake noisemakers. Another custom is to write the name Haman on the soles of their shoes and stomp their feet until the name is erased. The custom of making a noise (booing or hissing) when Haman’s name is mentioned is very ancient and widespread.

Well, the holiday is a festive and celebratory one. I would definitely say that the Jewish people hum during the holiday of Purim. Perhaps it does not sound like humming the way we would think of it, but it fits my definition above. It is certainly an indistinct sound of mingled voices or noises. It rises up to God in thanksgiving of deliverance by His hand. It rises up to curse the evil one and praise the God on high.

Do we hum? Do we stop and think about God’s deliverances in our lives? Maybe ours are not as memorable as being saved from the hands of genocide, but I think we could all think of one. At the very least, every time we wake up He has delivered us from death throughout the night. Do we take that for granted? I know I often do. I move on to start my hectic day and forget that I was given that day. I need to take time out to hum more. I need to make sounds of thanksgiving to the Lord for every little think He delivers me from and blesses me with.

"What a beautiful thing, God, to give thanks, to sing an anthem to you, the High God! To announce your love each daybreak, sing your faithful presence all through the night." Psalm 92.1-2

Do you hum?

I have been pondering

1: to weigh in the mind
2: to think about: reflect on
3: to think or consider especially quietly, soberly, and deeply


As my relationship with Jesus continues, I have begun to notice a pattern. When certain subjects or events continue to occur in rapid succession, He is trying to tell me something. For example, when He wanted me to focus on my relationships, all the devotionals, scripture passages and books I came across had to do with relationships.

So I caught on quickly when a pattern started to emerge. It started with a book. I was on my quarterly book-buying mission for my church when I came across a cover that intrigued me. I became a Christian and all I got was this lousy t-shirt. I love that title. Either it was the title, or God’s nudging, or both that led me to buy the book.

I have to tell you that I ate that book. Not literally of course, but I felt consumed by the book. I wrote a little about it last time. It is by a pastor named Vince Antonucci. He described a Christian that I saw when I looked in a mirror. When I became a Christian, I bought a Christian tee shirt, necklace, Bible and Bible cover, bracelet, CDs, books, bumper stickers and wall hangings. I was set. I also settled into trying as hard as I could to being the best following of Christ I could be. But I still struggled with knowing that Jesus loved me.

Mr. Antonucci writes, “The problem is that I struggled to feel loved by Jesus. And not feeling loved by Jesus created distance between us. It led to an inability to develop intimacy, to an unwillingness to abide. I was just in a cordial relationship with him. I was his employee and his buddy, but I didn’t feel like the one Jesus loved.” (39)

So, as I have been pondering what I read about abiding in his book, other things have come up. I cannot begin to sum up his thoughts on abiding, but here is a blurb: “And so abiding is about living in the presence of: it’s about depending on, it’s about trusting in, it’s about communicating with.” (82)

“Help me to understand these things inside and out so I can ponder your miracle-wonders.” Psalm 119.27

So, I met with my pastor about teaching this book in a Sunday School class, because I believe the whole world should read this book, and he said he has an idea. He’s been reading a book entitled, I’m Fine with God, It’s Christians I Can’t Stand. Basically, it is about how Christians misrepresent ourselves to the world and give us all a bad name. By making crappy movies and telling everyone what we are against, they are turning people off from Christianity and making our message the wrong one.

So, here is my pondering in a nutshell. Or a watermelon to be more accurate. As many of you who have been reading this blog for a while know, my life was in the toilet when Christ called me. I had a drug problem, a cheating problem, and a complete lack of responsibility problem. Before I became a Christian, I wanted the local Christian radio station pulled off the air because it interrupted my scan on my car stereo. But when Christ said my name, I never once stopped to think, ‘but what about those awful Christians who make bad movies, or who insulate themselves from the world?’ All I could do was run to Christ for dear life and cry.

“Oh how I love all you’ve revealed; I reverently ponder it all the day long.” Psalm 119.97

However, I was lead all over the place when I got around other Christians. I found out that we were supposed to be against homosexuals. We were supposed to reject Halloween. We should avoid secular music, movies and books at all cost. WHAT?@?

So, I ponder these things now. Do I think Christians should be secret agents for Jesus? Yes. Especially in these days when we have this current world to live in. But, do I think anything will stop a person who Christ is truly calling? I don’t think so. All of the arguments against Jesus vanished for me. The day after, I was searching for that same Christian radio station I wanted off the air because I somehow knew they could help me in my journey.

What I especially need to ponder is ‘what now?’ I am working on a book about my life before and after Christ. I pray that it will speak to people who think for whatever reason that they are too tarnished for Jesus. I believe I need to stick closely to the love I experienced when Jesus spoke to me the first time. And that will safeguard me from being a Christian people cannot stand.

“Look up at the skies, ponder the earth under your feet. The skies will fade out like smoke, the earth will wear out like work pants, and the people will die off like flies. But my salvation will last forever, my setting-things-right will never be obsolete.” Isaiah 51.6

Oh, to linger

1. To remain or stay on in a place longer than is usual or expected, as if from reluctance to leave
2. To dwell in contemplation, thought or enjoyment
3. To pass (time, life, etc) in a leisurely manner

There are several places where I like to linger. Anywhere with my nose stuck in a good book is one place. I can get caught up in a well-written book, especially if I can’t tell how it will end within the first ten pages. Another place I like to linger is outside, in a solitary place, when the wind is blowing just slightly, the temperature is about 70º and it is partly cloudy. Another place I love to linger is in my comfortable bed, with the covers all tousled about me, with my pillow in just the right position under my head.

Unfortunately, I do not get as much time in any of these places as I would like. I have to move about, running from one tedious task to another. I have to run off to work, run off to the store to do yet another errand to get something, run home to meet the kids to take them somewhere. It gets to the point where I am in the middle of a task thinking about the next time I’ll get a free moment to myself to linger somewhere I’m happy. I have made a date with myself to go to the Art Institute for about three weeks now.

Not to mention all the running, but I am also frantically looking for a job. My job ‘expires’ in a few months, and not only that, but I do not bring in enough money anyhow. I keep praying, waiting for God to point me in a direction, but I have yet to hear anything. All I can seem to sense is that He wants me to write, but I need to be paid for that too. I cannot linger in my current job situation for long.

So, you would wonder, is my spiritual life like this too? Yup, you bet. When I am with the Lord, I could stay there forever. When I am worshipping in church on Sunday, and we sing a song that takes me right to God’s altar, I love to linger. When I am praying, and I can sense God’s presence, I would love to linger there forever.

I am reading a book titled, I became a Christian, and all I got was this lousy t-shirt. Let me repeat an excerpt that I really appreciated.

“I need to look for flickers of God in unexpected places. The ancient Celtics believed in what they called ‘thin places.’ These are places where the natural and supernatural worlds come together at their narrowest, with only a thin veil between them. When you’re in a thin place you’re able to catch a glimpse of God, and it becomes easier to sense his presence.”

I had an opportunity to experience a ‘thin place’ this past weekend. My son and I went to church by ourselves; my daughter was out of town and my husband was sleeping (he worked all night). My son is seven, and he really likes to sing. Well, we began singing “Your Name.” Here are a few lines from the song:

Your Name
Your Name is a strong and mighty tower
Your Name is a shelter like no other
Your Name, let the nations sing it louder
'Cause nothing has the power to save
But Your Name

Every time we sang the words ‘your name,’ my son got louder. When we sang, ‘sing it louder,’ he did. We repeated this chorus three or four times, and each time it seemed my son was a bit louder. I snuck a peek around and people had smiles on their faces. After the song was over, I leaned over and said in a whisper, “Maybe you could sing a little softer.” He looked at me, and then asked, “Why, are you embarrassed?” The arrow pierced my heart immediately. I quickly said no, and then told him he could worship the Lord however he wanted to. The next song, he was right back at it. And all I could do was thank God for lending me a son who loved Jesus with all his heart and wanted to pour his love back to his Creator. That was indeed a thin place. I need more thin places in my life.

"We're in no hurry, God. We're content to linger in the path sign-posted with your decisions. Who you are and what you've done are all we'll ever want." Isaiah 26.8

If I do indeed have the Holy Spirit living inside of me, which I do, then I have the ability to tap into His strength. His strength can help me linger where I belong. I need to linger in moments like this Sunday with my son. I need to linger when I am writing these postings and I sense God nodding His head. I need to linger with God at every moment of every day.

There was a man of God named Frank Laubach. I could write another thousand words about him, but here is what I want to focus on now. Frank devoted his life to focusing on God. He devoted himself to looking for God and listening to God throughout each moment of every day. He wrote in his journal, “Can I bring the Lord back in my mind flow every few seconds so that God shall always be in my mind? I choose to make the rest of my life an experiment in answering this question.”

Frank knew what it meant to linger. Do I? Do you?

How can I do anything but Worship?

Worship:
2: reverence offered a divine being or supernatural power; also: an act of expressing such reverence
3: a form of religious practice with its creed and ritual
4: extravagant respect or admiration for

I have to start out a bit differently this evening. As regular readers know, I try my best to update on Tuesdays, but last night I was overcome with sleepiness. Tonight was beginning to look the same. I was finishing up with my studies while listening to talk radio, as I normally do. After I completed my notes, I went and showered, leaving the stereo on. I tried to time my shower to coincide with the hourly news as to not miss too much of the talk program. I had just finished drying my hair and was turning the bathroom light off when I heard the stereo rapidly changing channels. I heard a snippet of some rap song, a shot of Aerosmith and something in Spanish before the stereo just stopped at the local Christian channel; in all the stereo changed channels at least 8 or nine times.. At first I was paranoid, as I was in the house alone with my kids sleeping downstairs. Then, I looked for a cat stepping on the remote. Nope. The remote was tucked underneath my Bible, just where I had left it.

Needless to say, I immediately went to my computer to compose this message. I have no doubt that God changed my radio station. I am a completely cynical person, and after exhausting every other possible reason for the channel changing, I come to the conclusion it was Him.

See, I have been having a worship problem lately. I constantly revert to thinking I can do things on my own. Why do I need Christian music when there is a presidential election going on in the country? Well, why do I need air to breathe?

I do not think the definition above does justice for what creatures born to worship are meant to do. I looked up reverence and found this, profound adoring awed respect. That is a bit better.

In the spirit of this peculiar posting, I offer up an entirely different word that I think embodies what worship is truly meant to be.

Rhapsody
-an ecstatic expression of feeling or enthusiasm.
-an unusually intense or irregular poem or piece of prose.
-exalted literary composition
-freeform musical composition; often irregular in form, emotional in effect and improvisational in nature

Something in my spirit erupts when I think of the word rhapsody. Yes, worship music, prayer; all those things can bring me into worship for the Lord. But they can also cause me to simply go through the motions.

Here is a more archaic definition for worship: foolish or excessive adulation for an individual. When King David of the Old Testament saw the ark of the Lord entering his city, he disrobed, leapt, and danced before the Lord. When he was criticized for this, he replied, “I will celebrate before the Lord. I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes.” (2 Samuel 6.22)

See, he did not care what others thought. He wanted to praise His God. And I think that is what people are looking for today. Not nakedness, but naked humbleness and naked adoration.

I have tried to ride the emotional waves of worship the way I thought I should. I would get all pumped up from a song or a sermon, and expect them to carry me the distance. Inevitably, they let me down. Then I would become discouraged and sulk in a corner, licking my wounds. The cycle would begin over and over. And tonight the Lord turned my stereo.

I do not believe it was because He wants me to start another cycle. No, He wants to remind me that worship cannot be forced, but embraced. How can I not embrace His presence with me right now? And these words that spill out on my page are indeed a rhapsody to the Lord.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me-watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” –Jesus

Thanks for everything

THANK
1. to express gratitude, appreciation, or acknowledgment to
2. thank God; used to express relief, thankfulness, etc)
3. a grateful feeling or acknowledgment of a benefit, favor, or the like, expressed by word or otherwise

Just as a reminder, I am in the middle of a series of words I copied off a banner in a church several years. Ironically, I am thankful for that list this week. I am thankful because the list somewhat forces me to stay on task, defining what this particular word means to me and my relationship with God. I may not have thought to write about this word otherwise.

I just found out today that another person who has been instrumental in my walk with Christ is being removed from my immediate proximity. This person was a key figure in opening my eyes beyond the rigid, black and white Christianity I was in danger of adopting. At first, I found his ideas and theological practices a bit intimidating and I was concerned about his ways of thinking, of praying and of relating to his Savior.

God allowed my eyes to be opened through these experiences. I did my own research, and I found a refreshing return to authentic, disciple-making Christianity. I sought God through practices I had never thought would be as meaningful as they were. Christ met me in places where I quite possibly never would have seen Him.

This is not the first time this has happened. As you may have noticed two paragraphs above, I wrote that this was another person who God has chosen to remove from my life. I realize that with both people I was not the only one to be affected, this blog happens to be about my journey with God, so I can only speak from my experience.

The other one was my mentor, who I write about frequently on this journal. God placed her in my life at a crucial time in my faith journey. I had a million and one questions about who this God was I was trying to worship and she was there for me. No, she could not always answer my questions. Nevertheless, she was always there for me to support me, to cry with me, and most importantly, to pray with me. Through her, I learned that God was Someone holy, Someone righteous and Someone who would never leave me. God used her to build a foundation that my faith could grow on.

Anyone who has read this blog for a while knows my life verse is Romans 3.23, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” God burned it on my heart that no one is more worthy of salvation, of His love, of His mercy than I am. No one did ‘it’ better than I did. There is no such thing as a 'super-Christian.' We are all sinners and none of us can reach Him without Him reaching out to us first. It is why I know my life's mission is to reach out to those who feel they could never fit in a church or that God couldn't use them.

Well, neither of these God-people thought they were better, or more righteous than I was. Neither of them were judgmental, (until one of them found out that I occasionally listen to Rush Limbaugh). Both of them were kind in their teaching, treated me as an equal and were completely human in their actions.

So why does God chose to remove those who seem so crucial to our lives? Wouldn’t life be so much simpler if these people were constantly around to feed my spiritual life? I know they were essential to my spiritual life when they were around.

Maybe that is it. Maybe for me to grow closer to God. To get to know Him better I need to reach out to Him for comfort and growth. That’s not to say that He did not place those people in my life, because He did. But that was just for a season it seems, and now that season is over.

I have to believe that I have grown because of both of these people. I know that my spiritual life has evolved and grown because of them. I have developed a dependence on God because of my mentor. And I have honed and clarified my heart for social justice and compassion because of the other. I have to believe that God will continue to meld the pieces together and make me a better disciple of His because of it.

So with one gone and another on his way, I have to thank God for my time with them. I thank Him that He did not just leave me to my own devices and to flounder on my own. I thank Him that He has children walking around that have such a heart for helping people reach closer to Jesus. And I have to thank God in advance for the next person He brings into my life.