Things I hope you take with you when you graduate(a note for my graduating Timber Bay seniors):

I know I’ll keep seeing you over the summer, but with the busyness of life and future planning that will be going on, we might not have a chance to talk like we can here.  So, as our last Timber Bay of the year, I wanted to talk about the things I hope you take with you when you leave us.

First and most importantly, I hope you have a secure sense of who you are in Christ.  I hope you’ve heard us explain how to have an eternal relationship with your Creator.  I hope you have heard from us how He has pursued you with a love that you will never experience here on earth.  I hope you have heard us tell you how simple it can be to lay down your struggles to make it on your own and give in to the One who can hold you up when you fall.

I hope you have heard my story.  I hope you remember the struggles I had at your age, the poor choices and decisions I made and that you remember that any advice I gave you was from that perspective.  I have never just told you not to do something because I didn’t want you to have what you thought would be fun; I spoke from experience.  I also hope that you remember that my story ends with God restoring my life and my family.  To remember that when I surrendered my pen to God to write my story, He had a much better role for me to fill.  That when I gave Him all the pieces, He was able to fit them much better than I ever could.  And to remember that there is nothing that He cannot forgive if you ask Him.

I hope you have heard us pray.  I hope you have heard how simple it can be to have a relationship and a conversation with Jesus Christ.  How it doesn’t have to have a script, or have any special words; but rather, He just wants you to talk with Him like a friend and a constant companion.  I hope you remember that I told you to always remember that He’s not a magic trick to pull out when you want something.  That sometimes prayer isn’t answered immediately, and sometimes no answer is His answer.

I hope that you have learned that the Bible isn’t something to be intimidated by.  To know that you can open it up and hear from God every time. I hope you have learned that it is the most tangible connection we can have to God, that it is just as important today than it was the day it was written, and that He can and will speak to you from the pages.  Always remember that it is full of stories from people who are just like you are; they were human, they made mistakes, and some of them accomplished great things for God.

I hope you know that I will always be there for you.  That I am a phone call or a Facebook message away if you want to talk about something, or just say Hi.  I have invested time in this relationship because I care for you and love you.  And it’s really important to keep in touch with people you care about.

I hope you know that you have a future ahead of you.  That you can rise above your circumstances.  God has a plan for each of us.  He designed us a certain way for a reason.  He’s given you talents and abilities that He will use if you let Him. 

Finally, I hope you always remember how blessed I have been to know each one of you and spend time with you.  Thank you for the laughs and the tears. And for all of the memories that I have of each of you. 

We may throw the dice, but the LORD determines how they fall. - Proverbs 16.33

Finding Freedom

Constrain:

-to repress or restrain
-to force, compel or oblige
-to press together

See also: control

I was not one to be constrained or controlled when I was younger. Those words were in fact an anathema to my very being. I rejected the thought at all costs.

I think it started because my mother was very controlling. She believed that by controlling her child she could control the world that was collapsing all around her. She couldn’t handle a cheating husband, or poverty, so she held me down with an iron fist.

I inevitably escaped because I thought I was in love. Typical typecasting for a troubled teenager. A ‘prince’ comes in and rescues the damsel in distress from her wicked mother.

I thought I was rescued too. He was much older; dangerously older, though I did not recognize it at the time. He cared for me and helped release me from my miserable life. Unfortunately, he brought along other vices that would control me for years to come.

I tried very hard not to let another person ever control or constrain me again. After the many struggles throughout my life; I believed I was the only one capable of making decisions in my life’s story. Of course this caused untold numbers of conflicts with my then fiancé. The trouble with me trying to control my life based on my choices was troubling to him as we had two children to raise together.

My solution was simple; he could raise the kids and I could be free to pursue some sort of life that would make me happy. I wanted to be free, solo, alone. With no one to tell me anything I didn’t want to hear.

Of course we now know what happened; Jesus Christ. He invaded every aspect of my life all at once. He infiltrated my heart and my head and consumed every one of my thoughts. My world now seemed to revolve around this invisible God who I had just turned control of my life over to.

How on earth could this ever work? I had worked so carefully for so long to build strong walls of insulation and protection, just to open them up again. I wanted life on my terms, and now that wasn’t going to happen.

I tried. With terrific gumption and struggle I tried to regain ground from the One who had staked His flag on my heart as to claim it for His own. But when I tried I ended up like Jeremiah, who exclaimed the words I was feeling, “But if I say, ‘I will not mention his word or speak anymore in his name,’ his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.’” (20:9)

I attempted to return to parts of my old life; books and music mostly. But the things I used to like were not only dim, but dark and very unattractive. There was no escaping the one who had penetrated every fiber of my soul.

So, bit by bit I began to surrender to the control He had requested. However, it wasn’t the control I was expected; the way humans attempt to control one another. The control was much more gentle; more of a heart-capturing rather than a manipulation.

In a way, it’s like the love I have for my husband. If I want him to be happy, I will fulfill and honor his needs and acquiesce to his requests. The key to a great relationship of course is giving over of one’s self to another. If I was secretive and controlling of every part of myself, there would be no room to bend to another. Thusly, both I and my husband constrain ourselves to one another. Both of us sacrifice of ourselves and give of ourselves to the other as a sign of our loyalty and love for each other. And it has to be both parties in the relationship. If I was the one giving all of me, then the relationship would be manipulative and exploitative.

Well, should it not be so much more with Jesus? After all, this coming weekend we celebrate the God of the universe inclining His ear to us all the way to the point of sending His Son to earth. His Son walked amongst us for a while and then died so that we might be saved. For me to imagine Father and Son giving birth to this idea of radical reconciliation only brings tears of unworthiness. I call that giving and sacrificing to a degree that no human could ever fathom the idea of accomplishing.

But, there’s a silver lining for our frail and selfish hearts to cling to. If we allow our hearts to fall deeply in love with the One who so passionately loves our souls, then we too can constrain ourselves to Him. We find unfathomable joy in serving the Lord who rejoices over us with singing and quiets us with His love. (Zephaniah 3:17)

And in the end, it becomes a sacrifice of our concept of freedom that brings a freedom that is immeasurable on earth. A freedom that consists of broken bondage; rejoicing that the old is gone and the new has come. (2 Corinthians 5:17) A freedom that shouts from the mountaintops, ‘I am my Beloved, and my Beloved is mine.” A freedom that comes from the knowledge that we are not here by accident, and we are not His by accident. And a freedom that tells our very hearts and souls, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Galatians 2:20)


“Either way, Christ's love controls us. Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life.”


“For the love of the Christ constrains us, having judged this: that one died for all, then all have died;”


…and he died for all, that they who live should no longer live to themselves, but to him who died for them and has been raised. (2 Corinthians 5:14-15

A letter to my daughter


I’ve wanted to sit down and write this letter for a while. It crosses my mind when you leave for school, or when you go downstairs to your room after talking with me. I think about it when I see you on stage, or when you’re laughing and having fun with your friends; whispering and making faces at each other.

I never wrote it because part of me didn’t want to. And it’s that part of me that needs to talk to you. The part of me that aches and yearns for something different. It’s a part that God still needs to heal.

I was always afraid to have a daughter. When you were born, and the doctor told me you were a girl, I was in shock for a few minutes. See, my mother didn’t exactly have the capabilities to raise me as a mother should. She was a single parent, and she was severely depressed for quite a while. I can’t really say we got along well.

As soon as I could, I got out of there. In all those years growing up, I never learned how a mother and daughter should relate to each other. I certainly knew how a dysfunctional relationship worked, but never a real one.

But I didn’t want you to have to suffer the same kind of childhood and adolescence I did. I wanted you to be able to play with friends, ride your bicycle outside, and go to parties and field trips. I was never able to do any of those things. I wanted you to have nice clothes; ones you were proud to wear. I didn’t want you to be ashamed of your outfits like I was. I wanted you to have control of your hair length and what you wore, unlike I had.

And I did my best to give you all of that. Your father and I have worked hard to provide you everything you wanted and needed up to a point. We did not want you spoiled, and I don’t think you are.

Rather, I think you’re an amazing young lady. You’re smart, pretty, funny and I think you have a great future ahead of you. I also think we have a great relationship, most of the time. It’s those little time when I have to hold myself at bay that I wanted to write about.

All of those things I never got to do; never got to wear; never got to feel, those resentments have been bottled up in me since I was a child. I was lonely for most of my life until the later part of high school. I was an outcast; in my boys’ jeans, overly long hair, and shy demeanor. My home life was awful, and I reflected that in my daily life. Because my father threatened to kidnap me when he moved out, my mother became overly protective of me and didn’t let me play outside with other kids, and never really let me out of her sight. I was miserable.

To put it plainly, the little girl in me resents the life you have. It’s my heart as a mother to show you life as it was meant to be in God’s eyes. It’s that little girl that gets upset when she sees you having the life she always wanted to have. Truthfully, she’s jealous when you get to have the fun she should have been having.

None of that is your fault. It’s a regrettable part of my history that I cannot erase. God had a plan to redeem all of this just as He is able to redeem all things in Him. He’s using some of it now, helping troubled teens find Jesus and turn to Him while they’re still young.

I want you to know that I am working on it. I am living proof of a completely broken life that Jesus is in the process of redeeming and restoring. He does make all things new, I know that.

And I am praying. I am praying that Jesus would continue to comfort that little girl who wishes her life was more like yours. I’m praying that He continues to show me that the sins of the past stop at this generation. I’m praying that because of Him, you don’t need to go the long way around like I did.

Know also that I am working to pray when I feel those certain feelings pop up. My worst fear would be that you feel anything like I did growing up. The good news is that you already know you’re a princess of the King.


But Jesus said, "Let the children come to me. Don't stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these." – Matthew 19.14


“I have written to you, children, because you have known the Father. I have written to you who are mature because you know Christ, the one who is from the beginning. I have written to you who are young because you are strong with God's word living in your hearts, and you have won your battle with Satan.” – 1 John 2.14


So you should not be like cowering, fearful slaves. You should behave instead like God's very own children, adopted into his family -- calling him "Father, dear Father." – Romans 8.15

And the one sitting on the throne said, “Look, I am making everything new!” And then he said to me, “Write this down, for what I tell you is trustworthy and true.”

DESCRYING FOR THE TRUTH

1. to see (something unclear or distant) by looking carefully; discern; espy:
2. to discover; perceive; detect.


New Year’s resolutions always seem to be a big deal. The newspapers and websites make lists of top resolutions on people’s lists and they broadcast them nice and large for the first week or so of a new year.

I think they do it partly because it’s interesting reading, but perhaps they also post all of this information to make a person feel obligated to make a resolution of their own.

The stores get in on it too. Of course one of the top resolutions every year is to lose weight or get in shape. So, head to your local store and you will find the diet pill, weight-loss shakes and exercise balls all front and center.

Where are the resolutions to discover more about Jesus in the upcoming year? Where are people resolving to know more about the faith they claim to profess? Why aren’t the front of stores full of bibles and devotionals?

The closest the lists seem to get to things that focus on the eternal are: ‘Enjoy life to the fullest.’ ‘Learn something exciting.’ ‘Helping others in their dreams.’ And my favorite, ‘Fall in love.’ If you focus these kinds of resolutions on Jesus, then they can do mighty things for our spirit.

According to studies, 46% of people manage to keep their resolutions six months or more. Those are better odds than I imagined them to be. The studies conclude that the easiest way to maintain a resolution is to want to do what you say you want to do.

So, for me this year it comes down to two things; devote myself to decrying Jesus and the things He cares about, and write more.

It should be obvious that I haven’t written in a year. It started out that I just became too busy and couldn’t find the time to sit down for an hour and write out my thoughts. Then a good old-fashioned case of writer’s block set in. I had the usual symptoms; an enormous white screen staring at me, cursor blinking incessantly in front of me, and either too many words or no words at all wanting to come out.

Now, with a friend’s urging, and a lot of conviction, I have decided to start writing again this year. Words have always thrilled and excited me; and it’s time I got back to using them the way I do best.

This, however, is my first attempt in a long while. So forgive me if this seems choppy or disjointed. A good writer will admit when she's nervous and ask forgiveness in advance. I will write because it gives me joy and I will write because I love Jesus.

So I will write tonight and I will try and descry Jesus on these pages, both for myself and you if you will read this.

I haven't been entirely lazy the past year. I’ve spent a lot of time being a mother and a wife and working with the teenagers that I devote much of my life to. I rejoice with them when they're happy, I cry with them when they're grieved, and throughout everything I tell them about Jesus.

Working with teenagers isn't easy. Especially the teenagers I work with. It's safe to say that many of these girls haven't had easy lives. It really is true that the sins can follow to the third and fourth generations. Very easy for the girls I work with to resign themselves to repeat the lives they know.

So my job is to help them escape the cycle and find out that there's really another way. I started with the basics. In the beginning we looked up Bible verses that pertain to a certain topic and we would discuss together what those verses meant. I wanted to get them used to handling a bible and realizing that it’s not as intimidating as it seems to be. I promised them that no one would ever laugh at their answers, and that the only completely wrong answer would be no answer at all.

After doing that for a while, we moved on to the book of John. We tackled the whole book together, and they started to understand how to read scripture, how to dig into the meaning of verses and chapters, and how to apply the words to their own lives.

I watched as these girls started to understand the bible more and more as we went on. Of course they don’t understand every word, but then again, who does? They started getting braver and answering the questions I gave them with their thoughts, rather than the thoughts they assumed I would want to hear. Then the girls started applying verses to other applications; my chapels, or conversations we were having. They became more and more confident in their abilities and relying on truths they had learned.

Because this is their Senior year, I prayed about the direction God wanted me to go in; what I could leave them with as they went on their way into the world. One girl in particular would probably be going to Afghanistan in just a matter of time, so I really wanted to make sure I stocked their minds and hearts with the Word that would sustain them even in the toughest days.

I settled on the idea of love. God’s amazing love for his children. God’s love for us when we don’t deserve it, God’s passion to hold us throughout all of our days. Love that means that when we give our life to Him, he will always be there.

Doctrine is not something that they can really design to comprehend quite yet. Despite that, I’m continually surprised at how much they really get already. I think it’s easier when the bible isn’t constantly viewed through a certain denomination or doctrinal squabble. It’s different when the bible is viewed through the lens of someone who has had a tough life, assuming there is nothing out there, only to find out that there is someone waiting at the end of the mess who loves them so passionately.

So, I have been focusing on love. When they get to college, or start working, or serve their country, they will find a church and a group of people to study the word with, and there they can learn more meat about the Word. Until then, I felt it was necessary for them to realize that God loves them unconditionally.

Wrapped up in that love is His desire that we live like His children, that they try to live like the saints they are called to be, and that they follow the words given to them.

That won’t always be easy for them. They are immersed in a culture that wants nothing to do with humility, sacrifice or undeserved love.

I know this because I make it a practice to see for myself what goes on around teenagers. I know the popular music and the popular shows they watch. I do this for my own knowledge on what I need to combat. I want to know what is going into their impressionable ears so I can counteract it God’s truth.

What are they hearing? “We’ll be young forever,” “Looking sick and sexified,” “I love the way you lie.” Now if you’re anything like me you’re thinking, ‘Those lyrics aren’t anything new. Suggestive and deceiving music has been around for decades.’ True, but coming from someone (me) who used to listen to some nasty stuff, the music today takes things to a completely new level. Nothing is hidden; nothing is even veiled any more. Sex, having absolutely nothing to do with love, is all out there on the table. And so is the idea that living for today is the only thing that matters. These two ideas combined together make a deadly combination. And it’s almost all you can find to listen to on radio stations that cater to teenagers and young adults.

So what can a person do to help a misguided teen descry Jesus? Give them the truth of His love; His real, unchanging, unending, unconditional love. Jesus’ love is one that never requires them to strip away their morals, their wholeness, or their self-respect in return for a pittance of affection.

“Good is missing in action. Anyone renouncing evil is beaten and robbed. God looked and saw evil looming on the horizon - so much evil and no sign of Justice. He couldn't believe what he saw: not a soul around to correct this awful situation. So he did it himself, took on the work of Salvation, fueled by his own Righteousness. He dressed in Righteousness, put it on like a suit of armor, with Salvation on his head like a helmet, Put on Judgment like an overcoat, and threw a cloak of Passion across his shoulders.” – Isaiah 59:15-17

“I gave them your word; The godless world hated them because of it, Because they didn't join the world's ways, Just as I didn't join the world's ways. I'm not asking that you take them out of the world But that you guard them from the Evil One. They are no more defined by the world Than I am defined by the world. Make them holy - consecrated - with the truth; Your word is consecrating truth.” – John 17:14-17

“So, whatever you do, don't go to sleep at the switch. Pray constantly that you will have the strength and wits to make it through everything that's coming and end up on your feet before the Son of Man.” - Luke 21:36

My strongest desire for these teens? That they descry the truth and love of Jesus Christ through the wily pull of the world trying to tug them down again. Praise God for the victory!

So Captivating He is

Captivate:
1.to attract and hold the attention or interest of, as by beauty or excellence; enchant
2.to attract and hold somebody's attention by charm or other pleasing or irresistible features

ENJOY… take some time and embrace these words.

“O come, Thou Key of David, come, And open wide our heavenly home; Make safe the way that leads on high, And close the path to misery. Rejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel Shall come to thee, O Israel.”

“Born Thy people to deliver, Born a child and yet a King, Born to reign in us forever, Now Thy gracious kingdom bring. By Thine own eternal Spirit Rule in all our hearts alone; By Thine all sufficient merit, Raise us to Thy glorious throne.”

“Child, for us sinners poor and in the manger, We would embrace Thee, with love and awe; Who would not love Thee, loving us so dearly?” O come, let us adore Him, O come, let us adore Him, O come, let us adore Him, Christ the Lord."

“Children, go where I send thee, How shall I send thee? I'm gonna send thee one by one
One for the little bitty - baby Born, born, born in Bethlehem.”

“Silent night, holy night! Wondrous star, lend thy light! With the angels let us sing
Alleluia to our King! Christ the Saviour is here, Jesus the Saviour is here!”

“Joy to the world, the Lord is come! Let earth receive her King; Let every heart prepare Him room, And Heaven and nature sing, And Heaven and nature sing, And Heaven, and Heaven, and nature sing.”

“Hark the herald angels sing, ‘Glory to the newborn King! Peace on earth and mercy mild
God and sinners reconciled’ Joyful, all ye nations rise Join the triumph of the skies
With the angelic host proclaim: ‘Christ is born in Bethlehem’ Hark! The herald angels sing "Glory to the newborn King!"

“Why lies He in such mean estate, Where ox and ass are feeding? Good Christian, fear: for sinners here, The silent Word is pleading. Nails, spear, shall pierce Him through, The Cross be borne, for me, for you. Hail, hail, the Word made flesh, The Babe, the Son of Mary!”

“A throne in a manger, the cross in a cradle, The hidden revealing this glorious plan;
A child who would suffer, A child who would conquer, The sins of every woman, the sins of every man.”

“We beheld—it is no fable— God incarnate, King of bliss, Swathed and cradled in a stable, And the angel strain was this: Gloria, in excelsis Deo! Gloria, in excelsis Deo!”

“Said the king to the people everywhere, Listen to what I say; Pray for peace, people everywhere! Listen to what I say The Child, the Child, sleeping in the night, He will bring us goodness and light; He will bring us goodness and light.”

“Then let us all with one accord Sing praises to our heavenly Lord, That hath made heaven And earth of naught And with His blood Mankind hath bought. Noel Noel Noel Noel! Born is the King of Israel!”

“Of His government, There will be no end; He'll establish it with His righteousness
He shall reign on David's throne, And His name shall be from this day on; Wonderful, Counselor, Everlasting Father.”

“Mortals, join the mighty chorus, Which the morning stars began; Father love is reigning o'er us, Brother love binds man to man; Ever singing, march we onward, Victors in the midst of strife, Joyful music lifts us Sonward; In the triumph song of life. We sing in Jubilation, adoration to a joyful King, You are spinning and You are singing, Zealous love over all Your children.”

“Made perfect first in love, And sanctified by grace, We shall from earth remove,
And see His glorious face: His love shall then be fully showed, And man shall all be lost in God.”

“With my substance will I honor My Redeemer and my Lord; Were ten thousand worlds my manor, All were nothing to His Word: While the heralds of salvation His abounding grace proclaim, Let His friends, of every station, Gladly join to spread His fame.”

“Sing we all Noel, the gladsome tidings bring Lift our God on high as His praises now we sing. Sing we all Noel, our hearts with love aflame Praising Christ our Savour, we bless His holy name.”

“He made me a watchman Upon the city wall, And if I am a Christian, I am the least of all. Go, Tell It On The Mountain, Over the hills and everywhere; Go, Tell It On The Mountain That Jesus Christ is born.”

“Though the cold grows stronger, Alleluya, Alleluya, Alleluya, Though the world loves night, Yet the days grow longer, Alleluya, Alleluya, Alleluya, Chris is born our Light. Now the Dial's type is learnt, Burns the Bush that is not burnt: War and strife are done; God and man are one.”

“Now to the Lord sing praises, All you within this place, And with true love and brotherhood Each other now embrace; This holy tide of Christmas All other doth deface. O tidings of comfort and joy, Comfort and joy, O tidings of comfort and joy.”

“Jesu, joy of man's desiring, Holy wisdom, love most bright. Drawn by Thee, our souls aspiring , Soar to uncreated light. Word of God, our flesh that fashioned With the fire of life impassioned, Striving still to Truth unknown, Soaring, dying 'round Thy throne.”

“He rules the world with truth and grace, And gives to nations proof The glories of His righteousness, And wonders of His love; And wonders of His love; And wonders, wonders of His love.”

“Truly He taught us To love one another; His law is love and His gospel is peace. Chains shall He break For the slave is our brother And in His name All oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in Grateful chorus raise we, Let all within us Praise His holy name!
Christ is the Lord, Oh praise His name forever, His pow'r and glory evermore proclaim
His pow'r and glory Evermore proclaim.”

“Beautiful Star the hope of rest For the redeemed, the good and the blessed; Yonder in glory when the crown is won, Jesus is now that star divine, Brighter and brighter He will shine, Beautiful Star of Bethlehem, shine on. Oh Beautiful Star (Beautiful, Beautiful Star)
Of Bethlehem (Star of Bethlehem) Shine upon us until the glory dawns, Give us the light to light the way, Unto the land of perfect day; Beautiful Star of Bethlehem, shine on.”

I am captivated by Jesus Christ. I remain captivated by what He accomplished when He came to Earth as a baby. There are no words better than the ones written above to describe this season.

Most of the lyrics above are the ones toward the end; the ones we don’t always get to, or aren’t paying attention to by the time we get there. I found hidden joys and treasures at the bottom of Christmas carols and hymns.

I know it is no coincidence that ‘captivate’ was the last word on my list. I pray that these lyrics and this Baby captivate you this season and this year.

“Holy Jesus, every day Keep us in the narrow way; And, when earthly things are past,
Bring our ransomed souls at last Where they need no star to guide, Where no clouds Thy glory hide.”

Impressed

1 a: to apply with pressure so as to imprint
b: to produce (as a mark) by pressure
c: to mark by or as if by pressure or stamping2 a: to produce a vivid impression of
b: to affect especially forcibly or deeply: gain the admiration or interest of

(Before I get started, I just want to state, for the record, that God’s timing is His own. I have been trying to force this blog entry for days and days, and there was nothing. Obviously because God had something else on His mind.)

When I found that the next word on my list to blog about was ‘impress’ a few connotations came to mind; to be wowed by something, or even to be amazed by an action. So I thought, ‘Okay. Easy enough to be impressed by God. I can write about that.’

However, the Merriam-Webster definition threw a wrench in my thought process; specifically the first three definitions. It did not cross my mind that to be impressed is to be imprinted upon. I must say, that is a much bigger and better definition than I had been prepared to write about.

It is hard to impress a teenager; in any sense of the word. In this world of almost instant gratification and sensory overload, it is challenging, if not virtually impossible, to make a vivid impression on a teen. And to imprint a lasting mark upon the life of a teen, especially a high-risk teen, takes an enormous amount of patience and gentle pressure.

We had our Fall camp at Timber Bay this weekend for the high school kids, about 75 in all. Of the six girls I took up, I have been working with five of them for three years now. At times they have all given me moments of incredibly great joy, and incredibly great frustration.

These kids at camp do not have an easy life. Some are in foster care; some are with just one parent. Some are abused, most are poor, and all are searching for something. Some will find their something in sex, some in drugs, some in crime. For those of us that work in this environment, our hope is that they find their something in Jesus Christ.

So at our camps, we attempt to present Jesus in a straight-forward way that will impact these desensitized teens in order to break through their tough exteriors. We employ loud music, videos and fun games to keep things moving and interesting. We also employ lots of truth.

“You'll remember, friends, that when I first came to you to let you in on God's master stroke, I didn't try to impress you with polished speeches and the latest philosophy. I deliberately kept it plain and simple: first Jesus and who he is; then Jesus and what he did—Jesus crucified.” – 1 Corinthians 2.1

This weekend at camp started out the same as most other camps I have taken these kids to. We had some worship music, followed by a short chapel. The chapel was moving, I have to say. A man, acting as though he was a Roman cross builder, performed a skit about building Jesus’ cross. He spoke about how different Jesus was from the common prisoner who he normally saw crucified. As he spoke, he was actually chopping divots into the wood with a maul. As the chips of wood flew through the air, he spoke about the words and actions of Jesus. After he had placed the two beams of the cross together, he took gigantic spikes out and proceeded to hammer them into the place where Jesus’ hands and feet would have been placed. The maul and the spikes produced sparks when he pounded on them. After the chapel was over, we took our kids back to our cabins and talked about what we had just witnessed. It was a productive conversation and we ended the night on a good note.

The next day we started again. This time we watched a video by a Christian band called Casting Crowns. The song is entitled ‘Slow Fade,’ and it’s about how huge sin progresses from small indiscretions. Then, when we went back to our cabins, we all wrote down our sins on a small piece of yellow paper. The girls struggled with this, but as girls will do, as they shared their papers with each other, they came up with more ideas to write down. As they trust me, they shared their papers with me. Some of the sins were sex, abortion, swearing, cutting, trying to get pregnant, hating God (past sin not repented of), envy and drinking and smoking.

I made no judgments. There is nothing I can accomplish from condemnation except alienation. They know what I have done in my past and my remorse over it. They also know where I stand on all those issues now and what I want for their lives. Great results come from a lot of time, patience and Christ.

Later that night we had another chapel. We sang some songs and then watched a video with just a short portion of The Passion of the Christ. The portion was of Mary Magdalene being forgiven by Jesus, and then Jesus being hammered to the cross and being tossed about on it, with Mary watching in horror. Then, the kids were invited to bring their little yellow paper of sins and nail them to the cross that had been made the night before.

There were a lot of tears from my girls. They have never seen the movie, and so it caught their attention, seeing Jesus all bloody and bruised; hanging there. Walking up to the cross and pounding a nail into it had a great impact. I hung back, watching them. When they returned, they asked me if I was going to go up and nail my sins to the cross. I told them that no other adult leader had gone up so I did not think I was going to. They were not having any of that excuse. I am their leader and as they say, their mom, and they were going to walk me up there to nail my sins into the cross. I had tears in my eyes from their love for me and how gracious God has been to me. Incidentally, after I walked up there, ten other leaders followed my lead.

After everyone had nailed their sins, the leader took them all down and placed them into a container, where he poured symbolic blood over them all. We went back to the cabins in silence, a deep awe and reverence covering the kids.

We talked about the truth that our sins were truly washed away by those sins. Some of the girls were unconvinced that their sins were actually gone until I showed them the scripture verses about re-crucifying Christ by not accepting His forgiveness. Then, one of the girls asked me if I could go with her back to the lodge so she could give her life to Christ under the cross. She cried, I cried. I prayed, she prayed. The angels rejoiced and everyone at the camp rejoiced.

That was my weekend. All of my girls were impressed by Christ. Impressed with His death, impressed with His life. They impressed their sins on His cross and He impressed their hearts with His forgiveness. On at least one heart, He impressed His own image. On other hearts, He refreshed His image with a new imprint. He impressed me with how much He actually loves us, as He continually does.

He impressed upon me the fact that His message is eternally simple, yet eternally consequential.

“I was unsure of how to go about this, and felt totally inadequate—I was scared to death, if you want the truth of it—and so nothing I said could have impressed you or anyone else. But the Message came through anyway. God's Spirit and God's power did it, which made it clear that your life of faith is a response to God's power, not to some fancy mental or emotional footwork by me or anyone else.” – 1 Corinthians 2.3

A Devestating Release


1. To lay waste; render desolate
2: To overwhelm

It is a fair statement that when Jesus Christ to a hold of my life, He devastated me. What I have written about my life bears repeating. My life was in utter shambles. I was living only for myself, despite having a fiancé and two children. Drugs, depression and despondency were the rulers of my life.

It also bears repeating the action that caused me to turn my life over to Jesus. I was in a Catholic church (I was a Catholic in name only) because something had led me there. The priest, in an uncommon sermon, was talking about the fruits of the Holy Spirit. My prayer after his sermon, thought with a faith much smaller than a mustard seed, was; “Ok Lord, if You think You can do better with my life than I have, go ahead. I’ll take all those fruits, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Gal. 5.22-23). I especially needed an extra dose of faithfulness and self-control.

That was it. There was no rejoicing (that I could see). There was no party (on earth). I just happened to surrender my life to someone who would totally transform me forever and ever Amen.

So, here I am, seven and a half years later. A Christian who at best feels lukewarm most days. I continually ask myself and others, what am I doing wrong? What can I do to make things better? In no particular order I have attempted to-pray more, repent more, give more, avoid more, read more, and listen to worship music more. Every said attempt lasts for a little while and then I return back to the place I was.

My best friend told me that she struggles sometimes and God reminds her to, “Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46.10) My response, How still do I need to be?

See, my life has been such that I have needed to do things if I wanted to succeed in life. If I wanted to make it to college, I had to push myself. If I wanted a career, I had to make things happen. If I wanted to get off hard drugs, I had to stop. Life was not a spectator sport for me, and thus, neither should be the act of being a better Christian.

Having these thoughts for a while now, I attended a class on “Freedom in Christ.” It is a program designed to break all of the strongholds and lies a person has learned or believed and essentially re-program their lives in a new direction.

There are seven steps. They consist of removing any non-Christian spiritual experiences, learning truth from deception, forgiving, submitting, breaking bondage, being humble rather than prideful and breaking ancestral bondage.

Now, I am in no way discrediting this method of ‘freedom.’ I know that it has worked for many, many people and it breaks chains that people have been carrying around with them their whole lives.

However, for me, it would be another way of attempting to control my relationship with Jesus Christ. I already struggle with trying to get Him to love me more, and these would amount to being a series of hoops to jump through in order to accomplish that goal. I would be ‘going through the motions,’ hoping that the end result would be a better, more fulfilling relationship with God.

I left the seminar with my head in shambles. These were the reasons I was failing at Christianity. These were the reason I felt held in place. I could do something about it!

Oh, so wrong. Sure, there are probably some things that I need to repent of, some spiritual skeletons that need to be aired out. But if I have truly turned my life over to Christ, will He not help with that in His good time if I simply ask for His help? That is what I have been loathe to do.

It all became clearer to me when my friend showed me a video. It is by the author of a book entitled, “TrueFaced.” I had read the book several years ago, but apparently I had not been ready for that truth then. I am now.

In the book and video he speaks of two rooms, The Room of Good Intentions and The Room of Grace. The names should explain what they hold. Good Intentions has the people that are like I was, constantly striving to put on a good face for Jesus, to always promise Him that we’ll try harder. Grace was the room where we realize that we are sinners in need of help, but realizing that God loved us when He sought us, and that we need only to make the effort of resting in His love and pleasure in us and trusting Him to work on our sin together.

Since I have been devastated by Jesus so many years ago, I have wanted to make Him proud of me and worthy of the name He gave to me. I failed to realize that He has taken me as is. The enemy has tried to devastate me by believing I could never be good enough to warrant Jesus’ love as is.

So, as in all things, I have a choice. To continue with my personal status quo-spinning in ever-widening circles trying to get closer to a God who is already here, or falling into His arms and trusting that we can get through all of this together.

‘How still’ is still enough to feel Him all around me and coursing through my veins and realizing that He trusts me with His name because He made me and He will not let me fail. I can force myself to fail, but in Him, I cannot. He trusts me with His name because He’s crazy about me. If He can trust me with His name, can I not trust Him with our relationship?

Paul could not lovingly admonish me any better:

“Let me put this question to you: How did your new life begin? Was it by working your heads off to please God? Or was it by responding to God's Message to you? Are you going to continue this craziness? For only crazy people would think they could complete by their own efforts what was begun by God. If you weren't smart enough or strong enough to begin it, how do you suppose you could perfect it? Did you go through this whole painful learning process for nothing? It is not yet a total loss, but it certainly will be if you keep this up! Answer this question: Does the God who lavishly provides you with his own presence, his Holy Spirit, working things in your lives you could never do for yourselves, does he do these things because of your strenuous moral striving or because you trust him to do them in you?” Galatians 3.2-5