Investments
I think as January rolls around and the turbulence of the Christmas season pans out, it’s time to assess the season and where the New Year will lead me. Of course I’m not presuming to know God’s plan for me. Heck, I don’t even know what the next five minutes He has planned for me look like most days.
In the fall I made the decision to change from High School Timber Bay to Middle School. My daughter had entered her high school years and I didn’t want any conflict between what should be an exciting time in her life and the work I do with teens in conflict. So I chose to work with younger girls; girls who were still full of frantic energy and mischievous tendencies. I like to call them rabid butterflies.
I have to admit, it’s been a challenge. Remember, I had just finished investing four years into girls I had met when they were freshmen. I cut my teeth so to speak with these girls; earning their trust, listening to their secrets, crying tears with them, and rejoicing when they began to realize that the Lord was active and living in their lives.
I helped these girls repent of sins; some with were weighing heavily in their lives. We talked about the concept that these girls did not have to repeat the same mistakes their parents made, that they could have a different life altogether.
Not all of them listened of course. Some of them take what I have come to call ‘The long way around.’ I know that all too well; as I took the long way around to get to where I am today. And the girls find out my story. In time, they realize where Jesus has brought me from and how He completely restored me. Still, I have found that some people need to learn these lessons by themselves. My heart breaks for them, because I know some of what lies ahead. Still, I know that God is greater than any of that and I continue to pray and be available when they’re done running.
There have been great accomplishments as well. I have a girl who I have been with for five years now. When she first started coming to TB I dreaded seeing her come through the door. I knew I was in for attitude and defiance. As the years passed and she continued to come week after week, even coming to the bible study I held before group every week, I of course began to see a change in her.
One afternoon she told me that she had decided to join the National Guard. I admit I was thrilled for her; I knew that the discipline would be beneficial to her and that the benefits that would assist her in college would be invaluable to her. Not to mention I have a deep respect for those who choose to serve our country.
Fast forward to today: She is in the National Guard. She completed her second year this past summer. She just started college a couple of days ago. And this girl who was a headache five years ago is now volunteering with me. I mentor her and we have become very close. God is so incredibly faithful.
There are a few others in college as well. One went hours away to get some distance from her life in this town and discover who she is. She’s a great artist and she’s extremely determined to make something of her life.
Even with all of these blessings, I struggle to know whether this is God’s plan for my life. I know He brought me through all the challenges in my life to use for His glory. I know that I love girls who don’t know how fearfully and wonderfully made they are. Girls who have a spark in their eyes but someone is trying to blow it out. Girls who are going to have a lot of weight to carry by themselves if they don’t meet the Savior. God has given me a heart for the broken teen.
Still, I struggle because I feel alone so often. For every girl I can be with, there are five that are in danger of taking the long way around without ever getting a chance to find out about the God who wants them. I am blessed and cursed with the ability to see hurting girls everywhere I go and my heart constantly breaks for them.
I struggle because there are people, including some parents, who have already given up on these girls. There are parents who don’t realize what a treasure they have been given. A few do, but the majority do not know that the girl they ignore has likes, passions, dreams, hopes. I don’t want their dreams to be derailed.
I struggle because the money is always a challenge. I depend solely on the generosity of others. Unfortunately, because I am a missionary that works in a middle-America town, people don’t realize that I need just as much support as anyone else. I am completely funded by donations, and I just plain suck at raising support. So if I don’t raise enough money, I don’t bring home a check. That can be so discouraging. I have faith that God will provide, but I don’t ever know when or how and the stress is taking its toll on me.
Still, I know I will persist until God calls me out of this ministry. I have to decipher between my turbulent emotions and God’s small and still voice. I will continue to fight against discouragement and go into battle with the Lord. I will pray as girls enter my thoughts and I will continue to love them with His love.
Does Anybody Hear Her? – Casting Crowns
She is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
She is trying but the canyon's ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She's another two years older
And she's three more steps behind
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today?
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
She is yearning for shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching for a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day
And in walks her prince charming
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason
And she gives herself away
He told them this parable. "Which of you men, if you had one hundred sheep, and lost one of them, wouldn't leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness, and go after the one that was lost, until he found it? When he has found it, he carries it on his shoulders, rejoicing. When he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, 'Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep which was lost!' I tell you that even so there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents, than over ninety-nine righteous people who need no repentance." – Luke 15:3-7
Thursday, January 05, 2012
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
His Love
(This is an excerpt from a chapel I gave to teens)
“How He Loves” is one of my favorite Christian songs. I think the message is so simple, but so deep at the same time. It affects me because it’s so true.
I looked up the original artist of the song to see if he had said anything about why he wrote the song.
It turns out that he wrote the song after his best friend died in a car accident. He was trying to make sense of everything. He was incredibly mad at God for taking his friend away, and he realized that God still loved him through his anger. He said that the love he’s singing about is a messy, difficult love. Realizing that God loves us no matter what; He isn’t offended when we’re mad at Him.
So the song is a celebration about the fact that God wants to hang around us through our messiness and despite of how we can act sometimes. He wants to be in our lives regardless. He wants to be with us.
Most of the times when I talk to teens, I tell them about the dangers that the world has and how to stay away from them. In fact, it seems to me that I spend a lot of time telling teenagers what not to do; drugs, drinking, premarital sex, and making sure that they’re a good example to the world around you.
All of those things are vital to your Christian walk. Don’t misunderstand me, those things are very important. But something else is true too. If you don’t understand why you should live this way, why you believe what you believe; if you can’t explain what it means to be saved, if you don’t understand how critical your salvation is, it will be tough to hold onto for the long haul.
And at this time, and with this generation, I think you need to be the ones to remind the rest of us what it means to have a sold-out relationship with the creator of everything. As the world gets scarier and Christ continues to be assaulted, if you dig in now to understand what and why you believe, you will be the brightest lights on this earth.
I don’t think it’s possible to have an encounter with Jesus Christ and stay the same person you were. My desire for you today is to begin thinking about your beliefs, and why it’s so important to really know what it means to be saved, and to be born again. And to fall in love with the one who saved you.
Before I was saved, you could never have convinced me that I needed to be saved. I thought I was good enough. I gave money to charity; I helped people when I saw they needed it. I didn’t say anything awful in front of pastors or priests. But that wasn’t enough to save myself.
And just like Jesus told Nicodemus in John chapter 3, people who are living in the dark want to remain in the dark, where their sins are hidden from the light. The idea of church was something that I didn’t want to think about. Christian music drove me crazy. And now I know it was because it brought light to my darkness.
Same thing with Christians that were around me. They talked to me about Jesus, and when I was listening I would hear the passion and love in their voice for their Savior, but I didn’t want any part of it myself. I was happy they had found it, but I thought I was happy with my life the way it was.
But I shouldn’t have been. I was in a pit for a very long time. And there were many reasons why; my parents were divorced, my mom was ill, my father rejected me, and I just wanted to cover my pain and my sin up. The fact was that I had a lot of junk piled up over the years.
When Jesus saved me, I realized where I was before him and it made me sick. I wanted to be cleaned up because he cared enough for me to rescue me and I wanted to shine for him. I didn’t do it out of obligation, but rather, I did it for love.
Ok. So our main bible verse today is john 3:16. You know this one; “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
We have heard this one so many times, do we still stop and think about what the words really mean? What does this say about who our Father is? And why do we need to be saved?
I have a bunch of reasons why we need to be saved.
1. We are dead in our sins. We are spiritually dead. We are following around the world, but we can never experience God for who he is.
2. Without God, we are extremely selfish and self-centered and demanding.
3. We hate what we should love and love what we should hate.
4. We cannot please God if we are not saved. There is nothing we can do that will bring him joy or glory when we are not living as a child of His.
5. We cannot understand the things of God because we find them foolish.
6. We are slaves to our sin.
So basically we are spiritually dead, selfish and guilty before God. Remember that God doesn’t send anyone to hell; we choose to go there ourselves. We were born on a fallen world and we need to seek out Christ.
And what does Jesus tell Nicodemus he will not have if he is not born-again? The kingdom of heaven. We will never get to spend eternity with Jesus.
But if we are saved, amazing things happen.
When we are saved, our faith is awakened and we become united with Jesus. We are adopted into his family and called the children of God. He produces a love like we have never had before. And most importantly, we will spend eternity with Jesus.
And so what happens to us when we are saved? Most importantly, we instantly receive a new life. We were dead because of our sin and we become alive in Christ. We have the experience of the Holy Spirit living inside of us. Stop and think about that for a minute. We have a living Holy Spirit that has taken residence inside of us. He helps bring our new life into the light. He hears our praying and knows our hearts.
Think about it for a minute. The verse we said, For God so loved the world…” I have to tell you something, if someone asked me to allow my son to be crucified for someone else, I’d have to say my answer would be no. I couldn’t do it. But God did.
And God knows that our salvation doesn’t bring perfection. He knows that our lives and our love for Him will still be messy; that we’ll still get upset with Him, we’ll still question why things happen, and He’s okay with that. He’s a big enough God to handle every emotion a human goes through.
And that’s why he sent his son to this earth. As a baby who needed to be raised just like you guys were raised; everything we experienced he knows about. If you read through the gospels you can see many of the emotions that Jesus went through; love, sadness, righteous anger, loneliness, anguish.
So, with all we know about Jesus, our only response to his message is with an overwhelming sense of love.
And love has become a word that has lost much of its power. How many times a day do we use the word? I love pizza, I love that show. I love my cat. I love snow. I love coffee. I love my husband and children. I love Jesus Christ.
None of those are the same kinds of love, are they?
The love that Jesus is talking about in john 3:16 is love in its deepest sense. The love that God had for us in sending his son to earth. He did that because it was in His nature.
And the love he wants back from us isn’t a love that comes from feelings. Feelings come and go. Think about your own feelings, I bet as teenagers they change quite a bit, don’t they?
Well, if you are saved, the love that you have should come from God loving us first. It isn’t a love that the world is used to. In fact, it’s a love that some would call crazy.
Love as used of God expresses the deep and constant love and interest of a perfect Being towards entirely unworthy objects, producing a love in them towards God and a practical love towards other believers and a desire to help others to seek God.
What that’s saying is our love should be so overflowing that it should cause others to wonder what we have and how they can have some for themselves.
And that’s what I want to leave you with tonight. Peter tells us to always be prepared to give the reason for the hope that you have. Do we display the love that Christ has for us to others, so that we might tell them about the one who has saved us?
Does anyone ask us why we are full of love and hope?
My prayer for all of us is that we are so filled with the love of God, and the joy that comes from knowing we are saved, that everyone who comes into contact with us wants to know why we are so peaceful in a world that’s so angry.
But I know that all of us will have bad days, days when we feel like the man who wrote How He loves. Where we question where God is and why things have to be so rotten some days. But if we love God with the love that flows from Him, we know that we can ask him to forgive us.
So, this whole message means this; that if we are born-again, if we are saved, our lives change because of that incredible love we are filled with.
1 john 5 tells us that “This is the love for God; to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the son of God.”
We show the world that we love God by obeying him out of love, not obligation. We should want to bring him joy because of the joy he brought us first. When he saves us, he breaks the bond that the world has over us. We don’t desire to live like that anymore. The world loses it shine and God shines in our lives instead. What God wants for our lives becomes what we want for our lives too. We obey him with joy.
And those aren’t just words. We love God through the good days and the bad days because He gave us His son so that we could be saved and live with Him forever
(This is an excerpt from a chapel I gave to teens)
“How He Loves” is one of my favorite Christian songs. I think the message is so simple, but so deep at the same time. It affects me because it’s so true.
I looked up the original artist of the song to see if he had said anything about why he wrote the song.
It turns out that he wrote the song after his best friend died in a car accident. He was trying to make sense of everything. He was incredibly mad at God for taking his friend away, and he realized that God still loved him through his anger. He said that the love he’s singing about is a messy, difficult love. Realizing that God loves us no matter what; He isn’t offended when we’re mad at Him.
So the song is a celebration about the fact that God wants to hang around us through our messiness and despite of how we can act sometimes. He wants to be in our lives regardless. He wants to be with us.
Most of the times when I talk to teens, I tell them about the dangers that the world has and how to stay away from them. In fact, it seems to me that I spend a lot of time telling teenagers what not to do; drugs, drinking, premarital sex, and making sure that they’re a good example to the world around you.
All of those things are vital to your Christian walk. Don’t misunderstand me, those things are very important. But something else is true too. If you don’t understand why you should live this way, why you believe what you believe; if you can’t explain what it means to be saved, if you don’t understand how critical your salvation is, it will be tough to hold onto for the long haul.
And at this time, and with this generation, I think you need to be the ones to remind the rest of us what it means to have a sold-out relationship with the creator of everything. As the world gets scarier and Christ continues to be assaulted, if you dig in now to understand what and why you believe, you will be the brightest lights on this earth.
I don’t think it’s possible to have an encounter with Jesus Christ and stay the same person you were. My desire for you today is to begin thinking about your beliefs, and why it’s so important to really know what it means to be saved, and to be born again. And to fall in love with the one who saved you.
Before I was saved, you could never have convinced me that I needed to be saved. I thought I was good enough. I gave money to charity; I helped people when I saw they needed it. I didn’t say anything awful in front of pastors or priests. But that wasn’t enough to save myself.
And just like Jesus told Nicodemus in John chapter 3, people who are living in the dark want to remain in the dark, where their sins are hidden from the light. The idea of church was something that I didn’t want to think about. Christian music drove me crazy. And now I know it was because it brought light to my darkness.
Same thing with Christians that were around me. They talked to me about Jesus, and when I was listening I would hear the passion and love in their voice for their Savior, but I didn’t want any part of it myself. I was happy they had found it, but I thought I was happy with my life the way it was.
But I shouldn’t have been. I was in a pit for a very long time. And there were many reasons why; my parents were divorced, my mom was ill, my father rejected me, and I just wanted to cover my pain and my sin up. The fact was that I had a lot of junk piled up over the years.
When Jesus saved me, I realized where I was before him and it made me sick. I wanted to be cleaned up because he cared enough for me to rescue me and I wanted to shine for him. I didn’t do it out of obligation, but rather, I did it for love.
Ok. So our main bible verse today is john 3:16. You know this one; “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
We have heard this one so many times, do we still stop and think about what the words really mean? What does this say about who our Father is? And why do we need to be saved?
I have a bunch of reasons why we need to be saved.
1. We are dead in our sins. We are spiritually dead. We are following around the world, but we can never experience God for who he is.
2. Without God, we are extremely selfish and self-centered and demanding.
3. We hate what we should love and love what we should hate.
4. We cannot please God if we are not saved. There is nothing we can do that will bring him joy or glory when we are not living as a child of His.
5. We cannot understand the things of God because we find them foolish.
6. We are slaves to our sin.
So basically we are spiritually dead, selfish and guilty before God. Remember that God doesn’t send anyone to hell; we choose to go there ourselves. We were born on a fallen world and we need to seek out Christ.
And what does Jesus tell Nicodemus he will not have if he is not born-again? The kingdom of heaven. We will never get to spend eternity with Jesus.
But if we are saved, amazing things happen.
When we are saved, our faith is awakened and we become united with Jesus. We are adopted into his family and called the children of God. He produces a love like we have never had before. And most importantly, we will spend eternity with Jesus.
And so what happens to us when we are saved? Most importantly, we instantly receive a new life. We were dead because of our sin and we become alive in Christ. We have the experience of the Holy Spirit living inside of us. Stop and think about that for a minute. We have a living Holy Spirit that has taken residence inside of us. He helps bring our new life into the light. He hears our praying and knows our hearts.
Think about it for a minute. The verse we said, For God so loved the world…” I have to tell you something, if someone asked me to allow my son to be crucified for someone else, I’d have to say my answer would be no. I couldn’t do it. But God did.
And God knows that our salvation doesn’t bring perfection. He knows that our lives and our love for Him will still be messy; that we’ll still get upset with Him, we’ll still question why things happen, and He’s okay with that. He’s a big enough God to handle every emotion a human goes through.
And that’s why he sent his son to this earth. As a baby who needed to be raised just like you guys were raised; everything we experienced he knows about. If you read through the gospels you can see many of the emotions that Jesus went through; love, sadness, righteous anger, loneliness, anguish.
So, with all we know about Jesus, our only response to his message is with an overwhelming sense of love.
And love has become a word that has lost much of its power. How many times a day do we use the word? I love pizza, I love that show. I love my cat. I love snow. I love coffee. I love my husband and children. I love Jesus Christ.
None of those are the same kinds of love, are they?
The love that Jesus is talking about in john 3:16 is love in its deepest sense. The love that God had for us in sending his son to earth. He did that because it was in His nature.
And the love he wants back from us isn’t a love that comes from feelings. Feelings come and go. Think about your own feelings, I bet as teenagers they change quite a bit, don’t they?
Well, if you are saved, the love that you have should come from God loving us first. It isn’t a love that the world is used to. In fact, it’s a love that some would call crazy.
Love as used of God expresses the deep and constant love and interest of a perfect Being towards entirely unworthy objects, producing a love in them towards God and a practical love towards other believers and a desire to help others to seek God.
What that’s saying is our love should be so overflowing that it should cause others to wonder what we have and how they can have some for themselves.
And that’s what I want to leave you with tonight. Peter tells us to always be prepared to give the reason for the hope that you have. Do we display the love that Christ has for us to others, so that we might tell them about the one who has saved us?
Does anyone ask us why we are full of love and hope?
My prayer for all of us is that we are so filled with the love of God, and the joy that comes from knowing we are saved, that everyone who comes into contact with us wants to know why we are so peaceful in a world that’s so angry.
But I know that all of us will have bad days, days when we feel like the man who wrote How He loves. Where we question where God is and why things have to be so rotten some days. But if we love God with the love that flows from Him, we know that we can ask him to forgive us.
So, this whole message means this; that if we are born-again, if we are saved, our lives change because of that incredible love we are filled with.
1 john 5 tells us that “This is the love for God; to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the son of God.”
We show the world that we love God by obeying him out of love, not obligation. We should want to bring him joy because of the joy he brought us first. When he saves us, he breaks the bond that the world has over us. We don’t desire to live like that anymore. The world loses it shine and God shines in our lives instead. What God wants for our lives becomes what we want for our lives too. We obey him with joy.
And those aren’t just words. We love God through the good days and the bad days because He gave us His son so that we could be saved and live with Him forever
Monday, August 29, 2011
Condemnation:
1: to declare to be reprehensible, wrong, or evil usually after weighing evidence and without reservation
2: to adjudge unfit for use or consumption
3: to pronounce guilty
I had another tattoo added to one of my arms last fall. It was a bible verse and something I like to say all the time to the girls I work with. “The long way around.”
The actual saying that I use with the girls is, “Sometimes, people are just going to have to take the long way around.” I say that because I have witnessed that to be true.
Despite knowing that the path they’re on leads only to destruction; despite hearing from people who have already walked a dangerous road, they are bound and determined to try things their way. I can tell by their protests and defenses that they think their outcome will be different.
The thing I believe with all my heart is that if I had heard the truth before I set out on my path of rejection and rebellion, my life wouldn’t have taken such a long way around to God’s road. When I was told about God, I was usually in too altered of a state to hear the truth when it was offered to me.
And although I know that God has redeemed all of my poor choices and poor living and used them to speak truth into people’s lives, I sometimes wish I could have cut the long way around short by a decade or so. Just because I still have a residue of ‘less than’ that I have to rise above all the time.
Anyway, it saddens my heart when I see someone who has heard the truth decide to set it aside for some temporary pleasures or thoughtless actions that won’t get them anywhere.
I’ve heard all the excuses; “I’m not ready to give up all my fun yet.” Or, “I have to clean up some things in my life before I come to Christ.” Or, worst of all, “I still have time when I’m older to turn to Jesus.”
I can show them the bible passages. I can tell them how much of my life I wasted trying to drown my life in drugs and alcohol and cheap relationships. They know I grew up in an abusive home with no money and little love. But they still want to dance around the edges of Jesus in hopes that they’ll still have time when they decide they’re ready to ‘settle down’ and surrender.
So, since I say the phrase so often, I decided to add it to my arm. I wanted it as a reminder for myself as well as the people I talk to all the time. I don’t like it that people decide to take the long way around, but I don’t really have a choice in the matter. God knows that they’re going to decide that. He also knows the final outcome of that decision. Maybe those who choose that will use their experiences to help others. Maybe they’ll finish out their lives with sadness and regret.
But back to the bible verse I have with that phrase. It’s Romans 8:1, “Therefore there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” It’s really for me the redemptive piece of choosing to take the long way around. It’s the sentence in the bible that for me tells me that everything is still okay, no matter what bad choices I made in my past.
It reminds me that none of us are worthy on our own to make it to heaven and eternal life with Jesus, and once we are His, there is no more condemnation. We are no longer enemies of Christ.
In a devotional I recently wrote I told the girls this; “The world cannot tell us who we are; and we are not condemned with the world any longer. We have left this world for something much, much better. We are secure because of Christ; and we are covered by the blood that He shed for us. Jesus is our defender; He is pleased with who we are becoming in Him. When the world tries to put you down, or you make a mistake; there may be consequences, but God forgives. Always remember to keep moving forward, and try not to take the long way around.”
That is the supreme beauty of the love that we find in Jesus Christ. We are found fit for use, rather than what the definition of condemnation and the enemy may tell us. We are new. We are no longer defined as who we were, regardless of how long we went around without knowing the sweet truth and freedom found only in Him.
I won’t lie. It breaks my hearts when anyone thinks that they have to continue to repeat the sins of the generations who came before them. That there’s no escape; no hope. It hurts to think about all the days, months, years that these girls are going to choose to go through life alone, without the warmth and love that only a true Father can provide.
I find solace in knowing that Jesus yearns for them far more than I ever could even imagine. That His heart breaks more than mine ever could. And that His arms will be open and He will run and embrace them when they finally get off that long way around.
8 The LORD is compassionate and merciful,
slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.
9 He will not constantly accuse us,
nor remain angry forever.
10 He does not punish us for all our sins;
he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve.
11 For his unfailing love toward those who fear him
is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth.
12 He has removed our sins as far from us
as the east is from the west.
13 The LORD is like a father to his children,
tender and compassionate to those who fear him.
- Psalm 103:8-13
“The news we hear here is marvelous.”There is therefore now no condemnation to them who are in Christ Jesus." In the midst of the darkness of sin, in the midst of the inevitability of judgment, that is a comforting word. That is a thrilling promise from God that fills the heart with hope. And any thinking mind and any hoping soul should run eagerly to receive such a provision as is offered in chapter 8 verse 1. In fact, some say this is the most hopeful verse in all the Bible. And they may well be right.” – John McArthur
1: to declare to be reprehensible, wrong, or evil usually after weighing evidence and without reservation
2: to adjudge unfit for use or consumption
3: to pronounce guilty
I had another tattoo added to one of my arms last fall. It was a bible verse and something I like to say all the time to the girls I work with. “The long way around.”
The actual saying that I use with the girls is, “Sometimes, people are just going to have to take the long way around.” I say that because I have witnessed that to be true.
Despite knowing that the path they’re on leads only to destruction; despite hearing from people who have already walked a dangerous road, they are bound and determined to try things their way. I can tell by their protests and defenses that they think their outcome will be different.
The thing I believe with all my heart is that if I had heard the truth before I set out on my path of rejection and rebellion, my life wouldn’t have taken such a long way around to God’s road. When I was told about God, I was usually in too altered of a state to hear the truth when it was offered to me.
And although I know that God has redeemed all of my poor choices and poor living and used them to speak truth into people’s lives, I sometimes wish I could have cut the long way around short by a decade or so. Just because I still have a residue of ‘less than’ that I have to rise above all the time.
Anyway, it saddens my heart when I see someone who has heard the truth decide to set it aside for some temporary pleasures or thoughtless actions that won’t get them anywhere.
I’ve heard all the excuses; “I’m not ready to give up all my fun yet.” Or, “I have to clean up some things in my life before I come to Christ.” Or, worst of all, “I still have time when I’m older to turn to Jesus.”
I can show them the bible passages. I can tell them how much of my life I wasted trying to drown my life in drugs and alcohol and cheap relationships. They know I grew up in an abusive home with no money and little love. But they still want to dance around the edges of Jesus in hopes that they’ll still have time when they decide they’re ready to ‘settle down’ and surrender.
So, since I say the phrase so often, I decided to add it to my arm. I wanted it as a reminder for myself as well as the people I talk to all the time. I don’t like it that people decide to take the long way around, but I don’t really have a choice in the matter. God knows that they’re going to decide that. He also knows the final outcome of that decision. Maybe those who choose that will use their experiences to help others. Maybe they’ll finish out their lives with sadness and regret.
But back to the bible verse I have with that phrase. It’s Romans 8:1, “Therefore there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” It’s really for me the redemptive piece of choosing to take the long way around. It’s the sentence in the bible that for me tells me that everything is still okay, no matter what bad choices I made in my past.
It reminds me that none of us are worthy on our own to make it to heaven and eternal life with Jesus, and once we are His, there is no more condemnation. We are no longer enemies of Christ.
In a devotional I recently wrote I told the girls this; “The world cannot tell us who we are; and we are not condemned with the world any longer. We have left this world for something much, much better. We are secure because of Christ; and we are covered by the blood that He shed for us. Jesus is our defender; He is pleased with who we are becoming in Him. When the world tries to put you down, or you make a mistake; there may be consequences, but God forgives. Always remember to keep moving forward, and try not to take the long way around.”
That is the supreme beauty of the love that we find in Jesus Christ. We are found fit for use, rather than what the definition of condemnation and the enemy may tell us. We are new. We are no longer defined as who we were, regardless of how long we went around without knowing the sweet truth and freedom found only in Him.
I won’t lie. It breaks my hearts when anyone thinks that they have to continue to repeat the sins of the generations who came before them. That there’s no escape; no hope. It hurts to think about all the days, months, years that these girls are going to choose to go through life alone, without the warmth and love that only a true Father can provide.
I find solace in knowing that Jesus yearns for them far more than I ever could even imagine. That His heart breaks more than mine ever could. And that His arms will be open and He will run and embrace them when they finally get off that long way around.
8 The LORD is compassionate and merciful,
slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.
9 He will not constantly accuse us,
nor remain angry forever.
10 He does not punish us for all our sins;
he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve.
11 For his unfailing love toward those who fear him
is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth.
12 He has removed our sins as far from us
as the east is from the west.
13 The LORD is like a father to his children,
tender and compassionate to those who fear him.
- Psalm 103:8-13
“The news we hear here is marvelous.”There is therefore now no condemnation to them who are in Christ Jesus." In the midst of the darkness of sin, in the midst of the inevitability of judgment, that is a comforting word. That is a thrilling promise from God that fills the heart with hope. And any thinking mind and any hoping soul should run eagerly to receive such a provision as is offered in chapter 8 verse 1. In fact, some say this is the most hopeful verse in all the Bible. And they may well be right.” – John McArthur
Monday, June 20, 2011
Closer
I went to a Christian music festival a few weeks ago for the sole purpose of seeing one artist; Shawn McDonald. I have been drawn to his music from the first time I heard it a couple of years ago. I like it because of the melody and the rapid-fire way he says portions of his lyrics. But I am drawn to it because he sings from a deep well that resides within him.
I checked out his story; troubled childhood, drugs, destitution. He cried out to God and God answered him in a profound way. As God did when I cried out to Him. I can appreciate the blunt honesty that I find in Shawn’s work.
So, I went because I had never heard him live and I wanted to check out the experience. I went close to the stage when he came on; because I wanted to be in the music, rather than in my lawn chair hundreds of yards back.
He sang some of his popular songs, and a few new ones. Then he performed the song ‘Closer.’ I must have listened to that song hundreds of times before I heard him perform it live. It never gets old for me. I like the message in the song and I like the way it is arranged.
So, I’m up close to the stage when the song begins;
Looking for a color in a shade of gray
Looking for love in a drop of rain
Trying to find change from the old mundane
Everything I do just feels the same
Spending my life out in the desert
Been gone so long feels like forever
I have been seeking a change from the mundane for a while now. I feel like I am resting in my life with Christ rather than actively seeking Christ and reaching out as His arms. I don’t feel this way in my ministry with Timber Bay. I can see the Holy Spirit alive and well when I am with them. We finished a bible study on the book of Revelation last week and while none of us felt a complete understanding of the book, we did do a lot of searching and seeking into God. As many of my girls graduate, I have been working on a Devotional to give them when they go to college in the fall. None of the ones in the bookstores seem to apply, so I am writing my own.
Anyhow, it’s the rest of my spiritual life that is feeling lackluster. Far too introspective and not enough sacrificially giving of myself. So, in response my prayer life begins to dry up and I start feeling like I’m in the desert too.
I just want to be closer to you
I just want to be closer, I am yours
You can have all of me anything, everything
I just want to be closer
The Teen Challenge Choir was at the festival that day as well. They had performed in the morning and hung out for the rest of the day. There were several people in their Teen Challenge shirts up by the stage when I was standing there. I was watching them raise their arms to God while singing these lyrics and I was devastated. It will never stop amazing me how God can bring lives full circle into what He desires for them. Shawn McDonald was living a life of destruction and God redeemed him for His glory. The Teen Challenge people and I were able to relate to him because God had redeemed us from a life of destruction as well.
A day without you is a thousand years
A day without you is a million tears
Tell me why do I run when I am in fear
Why do I run when you are so near
Spending my life out in the weather
Been gone so long and I need some shelter
My days without Christ were a thousand years and a million tears. I was cleaning out my room the other day and I saw some pictures from my ‘old life.’ I looked at my son as a baby and realized how much of his life I missed. I was there, but I wasn’t really there. I’ll never get those days back. My primal instinct is still to run when I dig too deep; to run in fear from true redemption when He’s already here. I still feel sometimes like I’m on the precipice of God turning away from me because I’m not what He was expecting.
Where ever you go
Where ever you are
I just want be there with you
I just want to be closer to you
I just want to be closer
I am yours
You can have all of me anything everything
I just want to be closer
I just want to be closer to you
I just want to be closer
I am yours
You can have all of me anything, everything
I just want to be closer
So I’m up by the stage, singing along with Shawn and the crowd. The Teen Challenge people are singing and worshipping and it moves me. I watch my daughter worship and it tears me up. God’s redeeming power and love tears me up. As I’m singing the chorus lyrics I feel God trying to impress on me some hard truths that I’ve still been thinking about since that day at the fest.
‘Do you really mean what you’re singing?’ “Are you willing to give Me all of you?’ Are they just lyrics that sound good, or am I willing to surrender so completely that I turn myself over to God in order to truly be closer to Him? Will I do whatever it takes?
Well, the answer from my Spirit was such an intense shower of tears that my daughter’s friend was starting to get concerned. But for me, it was a washing away of myself and my flesh and a turning toward my Creator. I really do want Him to have everything of me. I’m sick of calling myself a Christian and not living it the way I feel it should be lived. I’m tired of being comfortable and I want to be uncomfortable and completely His. I’m sick to death of thinking that the days are getting shorter and shorter and I’m not doing everything I can to further His name.
My conclusion to all of this is this; God redeemed me from a life of complete hell. I was on the edge of destruction in all of my relations and quite possibly my life. I have no other option then to give Him everything and anything because none of it’s mine anyway.
Looking for a color in the shade of gray
Looking for love in a drop of rain
Without being closer to Christ, without giving Him everything and holding nothing back, it is truly a life of looking for wholeness that I will never find. Ultimately, I just want to be closer.
I went to a Christian music festival a few weeks ago for the sole purpose of seeing one artist; Shawn McDonald. I have been drawn to his music from the first time I heard it a couple of years ago. I like it because of the melody and the rapid-fire way he says portions of his lyrics. But I am drawn to it because he sings from a deep well that resides within him.
I checked out his story; troubled childhood, drugs, destitution. He cried out to God and God answered him in a profound way. As God did when I cried out to Him. I can appreciate the blunt honesty that I find in Shawn’s work.
So, I went because I had never heard him live and I wanted to check out the experience. I went close to the stage when he came on; because I wanted to be in the music, rather than in my lawn chair hundreds of yards back.
He sang some of his popular songs, and a few new ones. Then he performed the song ‘Closer.’ I must have listened to that song hundreds of times before I heard him perform it live. It never gets old for me. I like the message in the song and I like the way it is arranged.
So, I’m up close to the stage when the song begins;
Looking for a color in a shade of gray
Looking for love in a drop of rain
Trying to find change from the old mundane
Everything I do just feels the same
Spending my life out in the desert
Been gone so long feels like forever
I have been seeking a change from the mundane for a while now. I feel like I am resting in my life with Christ rather than actively seeking Christ and reaching out as His arms. I don’t feel this way in my ministry with Timber Bay. I can see the Holy Spirit alive and well when I am with them. We finished a bible study on the book of Revelation last week and while none of us felt a complete understanding of the book, we did do a lot of searching and seeking into God. As many of my girls graduate, I have been working on a Devotional to give them when they go to college in the fall. None of the ones in the bookstores seem to apply, so I am writing my own.
Anyhow, it’s the rest of my spiritual life that is feeling lackluster. Far too introspective and not enough sacrificially giving of myself. So, in response my prayer life begins to dry up and I start feeling like I’m in the desert too.
I just want to be closer to you
I just want to be closer, I am yours
You can have all of me anything, everything
I just want to be closer
The Teen Challenge Choir was at the festival that day as well. They had performed in the morning and hung out for the rest of the day. There were several people in their Teen Challenge shirts up by the stage when I was standing there. I was watching them raise their arms to God while singing these lyrics and I was devastated. It will never stop amazing me how God can bring lives full circle into what He desires for them. Shawn McDonald was living a life of destruction and God redeemed him for His glory. The Teen Challenge people and I were able to relate to him because God had redeemed us from a life of destruction as well.
A day without you is a thousand years
A day without you is a million tears
Tell me why do I run when I am in fear
Why do I run when you are so near
Spending my life out in the weather
Been gone so long and I need some shelter
My days without Christ were a thousand years and a million tears. I was cleaning out my room the other day and I saw some pictures from my ‘old life.’ I looked at my son as a baby and realized how much of his life I missed. I was there, but I wasn’t really there. I’ll never get those days back. My primal instinct is still to run when I dig too deep; to run in fear from true redemption when He’s already here. I still feel sometimes like I’m on the precipice of God turning away from me because I’m not what He was expecting.
Where ever you go
Where ever you are
I just want be there with you
I just want to be closer to you
I just want to be closer
I am yours
You can have all of me anything everything
I just want to be closer
I just want to be closer to you
I just want to be closer
I am yours
You can have all of me anything, everything
I just want to be closer
So I’m up by the stage, singing along with Shawn and the crowd. The Teen Challenge people are singing and worshipping and it moves me. I watch my daughter worship and it tears me up. God’s redeeming power and love tears me up. As I’m singing the chorus lyrics I feel God trying to impress on me some hard truths that I’ve still been thinking about since that day at the fest.
‘Do you really mean what you’re singing?’ “Are you willing to give Me all of you?’ Are they just lyrics that sound good, or am I willing to surrender so completely that I turn myself over to God in order to truly be closer to Him? Will I do whatever it takes?
Well, the answer from my Spirit was such an intense shower of tears that my daughter’s friend was starting to get concerned. But for me, it was a washing away of myself and my flesh and a turning toward my Creator. I really do want Him to have everything of me. I’m sick of calling myself a Christian and not living it the way I feel it should be lived. I’m tired of being comfortable and I want to be uncomfortable and completely His. I’m sick to death of thinking that the days are getting shorter and shorter and I’m not doing everything I can to further His name.
My conclusion to all of this is this; God redeemed me from a life of complete hell. I was on the edge of destruction in all of my relations and quite possibly my life. I have no other option then to give Him everything and anything because none of it’s mine anyway.
Looking for a color in the shade of gray
Looking for love in a drop of rain
Without being closer to Christ, without giving Him everything and holding nothing back, it is truly a life of looking for wholeness that I will never find. Ultimately, I just want to be closer.
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
Things I hope you take with you when you graduate(a note for my graduating Timber Bay seniors):
I know I’ll keep seeing you over the summer, but with the busyness of life and future planning that will be going on, we might not have a chance to talk like we can here. So, as our last Timber Bay of the year, I wanted to talk about the things I hope you take with you when you leave us.
First and most importantly, I hope you have a secure sense of who you are in Christ. I hope you’ve heard us explain how to have an eternal relationship with your Creator. I hope you have heard from us how He has pursued you with a love that you will never experience here on earth. I hope you have heard us tell you how simple it can be to lay down your struggles to make it on your own and give in to the One who can hold you up when you fall.
I hope you have heard my story. I hope you remember the struggles I had at your age, the poor choices and decisions I made and that you remember that any advice I gave you was from that perspective. I have never just told you not to do something because I didn’t want you to have what you thought would be fun; I spoke from experience. I also hope that you remember that my story ends with God restoring my life and my family. To remember that when I surrendered my pen to God to write my story, He had a much better role for me to fill. That when I gave Him all the pieces, He was able to fit them much better than I ever could. And to remember that there is nothing that He cannot forgive if you ask Him.
I hope you have heard us pray. I hope you have heard how simple it can be to have a relationship and a conversation with Jesus Christ. How it doesn’t have to have a script, or have any special words; but rather, He just wants you to talk with Him like a friend and a constant companion. I hope you remember that I told you to always remember that He’s not a magic trick to pull out when you want something. That sometimes prayer isn’t answered immediately, and sometimes no answer is His answer.
I hope that you have learned that the Bible isn’t something to be intimidated by. To know that you can open it up and hear from God every time. I hope you have learned that it is the most tangible connection we can have to God, that it is just as important today than it was the day it was written, and that He can and will speak to you from the pages. Always remember that it is full of stories from people who are just like you are; they were human, they made mistakes, and some of them accomplished great things for God.
I hope you know that I will always be there for you. That I am a phone call or a Facebook message away if you want to talk about something, or just say Hi. I have invested time in this relationship because I care for you and love you. And it’s really important to keep in touch with people you care about.
I hope you know that you have a future ahead of you. That you can rise above your circumstances. God has a plan for each of us. He designed us a certain way for a reason. He’s given you talents and abilities that He will use if you let Him.
Finally, I hope you always remember how blessed I have been to know each one of you and spend time with you. Thank you for the laughs and the tears. And for all of the memories that I have of each of you.
We may throw the dice, but the LORD determines how they fall. - Proverbs 16.33
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Finding Freedom
Constrain:
-to repress or restrain
-to force, compel or oblige
-to press together
See also: control
I was not one to be constrained or controlled when I was younger. Those words were in fact an anathema to my very being. I rejected the thought at all costs.
I think it started because my mother was very controlling. She believed that by controlling her child she could control the world that was collapsing all around her. She couldn’t handle a cheating husband, or poverty, so she held me down with an iron fist.
I inevitably escaped because I thought I was in love. Typical typecasting for a troubled teenager. A ‘prince’ comes in and rescues the damsel in distress from her wicked mother.
I thought I was rescued too. He was much older; dangerously older, though I did not recognize it at the time. He cared for me and helped release me from my miserable life. Unfortunately, he brought along other vices that would control me for years to come.
I tried very hard not to let another person ever control or constrain me again. After the many struggles throughout my life; I believed I was the only one capable of making decisions in my life’s story. Of course this caused untold numbers of conflicts with my then fiancé. The trouble with me trying to control my life based on my choices was troubling to him as we had two children to raise together.
My solution was simple; he could raise the kids and I could be free to pursue some sort of life that would make me happy. I wanted to be free, solo, alone. With no one to tell me anything I didn’t want to hear.
Of course we now know what happened; Jesus Christ. He invaded every aspect of my life all at once. He infiltrated my heart and my head and consumed every one of my thoughts. My world now seemed to revolve around this invisible God who I had just turned control of my life over to.
How on earth could this ever work? I had worked so carefully for so long to build strong walls of insulation and protection, just to open them up again. I wanted life on my terms, and now that wasn’t going to happen.
I tried. With terrific gumption and struggle I tried to regain ground from the One who had staked His flag on my heart as to claim it for His own. But when I tried I ended up like Jeremiah, who exclaimed the words I was feeling, “But if I say, ‘I will not mention his word or speak anymore in his name,’ his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.’” (20:9)
I attempted to return to parts of my old life; books and music mostly. But the things I used to like were not only dim, but dark and very unattractive. There was no escaping the one who had penetrated every fiber of my soul.
So, bit by bit I began to surrender to the control He had requested. However, it wasn’t the control I was expected; the way humans attempt to control one another. The control was much more gentle; more of a heart-capturing rather than a manipulation.
In a way, it’s like the love I have for my husband. If I want him to be happy, I will fulfill and honor his needs and acquiesce to his requests. The key to a great relationship of course is giving over of one’s self to another. If I was secretive and controlling of every part of myself, there would be no room to bend to another. Thusly, both I and my husband constrain ourselves to one another. Both of us sacrifice of ourselves and give of ourselves to the other as a sign of our loyalty and love for each other. And it has to be both parties in the relationship. If I was the one giving all of me, then the relationship would be manipulative and exploitative.
Well, should it not be so much more with Jesus? After all, this coming weekend we celebrate the God of the universe inclining His ear to us all the way to the point of sending His Son to earth. His Son walked amongst us for a while and then died so that we might be saved. For me to imagine Father and Son giving birth to this idea of radical reconciliation only brings tears of unworthiness. I call that giving and sacrificing to a degree that no human could ever fathom the idea of accomplishing.
But, there’s a silver lining for our frail and selfish hearts to cling to. If we allow our hearts to fall deeply in love with the One who so passionately loves our souls, then we too can constrain ourselves to Him. We find unfathomable joy in serving the Lord who rejoices over us with singing and quiets us with His love. (Zephaniah 3:17)
And in the end, it becomes a sacrifice of our concept of freedom that brings a freedom that is immeasurable on earth. A freedom that consists of broken bondage; rejoicing that the old is gone and the new has come. (2 Corinthians 5:17) A freedom that shouts from the mountaintops, ‘I am my Beloved, and my Beloved is mine.” A freedom that comes from the knowledge that we are not here by accident, and we are not His by accident. And a freedom that tells our very hearts and souls, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Galatians 2:20)
“Either way, Christ's love controls us. Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life.”
“For the love of the Christ constrains us, having judged this: that one died for all, then all have died;”
…and he died for all, that they who live should no longer live to themselves, but to him who died for them and has been raised. (2 Corinthians 5:14-15
Constrain:
-to repress or restrain
-to force, compel or oblige
-to press together
See also: control
I was not one to be constrained or controlled when I was younger. Those words were in fact an anathema to my very being. I rejected the thought at all costs.
I think it started because my mother was very controlling. She believed that by controlling her child she could control the world that was collapsing all around her. She couldn’t handle a cheating husband, or poverty, so she held me down with an iron fist.
I inevitably escaped because I thought I was in love. Typical typecasting for a troubled teenager. A ‘prince’ comes in and rescues the damsel in distress from her wicked mother.
I thought I was rescued too. He was much older; dangerously older, though I did not recognize it at the time. He cared for me and helped release me from my miserable life. Unfortunately, he brought along other vices that would control me for years to come.
I tried very hard not to let another person ever control or constrain me again. After the many struggles throughout my life; I believed I was the only one capable of making decisions in my life’s story. Of course this caused untold numbers of conflicts with my then fiancé. The trouble with me trying to control my life based on my choices was troubling to him as we had two children to raise together.
My solution was simple; he could raise the kids and I could be free to pursue some sort of life that would make me happy. I wanted to be free, solo, alone. With no one to tell me anything I didn’t want to hear.
Of course we now know what happened; Jesus Christ. He invaded every aspect of my life all at once. He infiltrated my heart and my head and consumed every one of my thoughts. My world now seemed to revolve around this invisible God who I had just turned control of my life over to.
How on earth could this ever work? I had worked so carefully for so long to build strong walls of insulation and protection, just to open them up again. I wanted life on my terms, and now that wasn’t going to happen.
I tried. With terrific gumption and struggle I tried to regain ground from the One who had staked His flag on my heart as to claim it for His own. But when I tried I ended up like Jeremiah, who exclaimed the words I was feeling, “But if I say, ‘I will not mention his word or speak anymore in his name,’ his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.’” (20:9)
I attempted to return to parts of my old life; books and music mostly. But the things I used to like were not only dim, but dark and very unattractive. There was no escaping the one who had penetrated every fiber of my soul.
So, bit by bit I began to surrender to the control He had requested. However, it wasn’t the control I was expected; the way humans attempt to control one another. The control was much more gentle; more of a heart-capturing rather than a manipulation.
In a way, it’s like the love I have for my husband. If I want him to be happy, I will fulfill and honor his needs and acquiesce to his requests. The key to a great relationship of course is giving over of one’s self to another. If I was secretive and controlling of every part of myself, there would be no room to bend to another. Thusly, both I and my husband constrain ourselves to one another. Both of us sacrifice of ourselves and give of ourselves to the other as a sign of our loyalty and love for each other. And it has to be both parties in the relationship. If I was the one giving all of me, then the relationship would be manipulative and exploitative.
Well, should it not be so much more with Jesus? After all, this coming weekend we celebrate the God of the universe inclining His ear to us all the way to the point of sending His Son to earth. His Son walked amongst us for a while and then died so that we might be saved. For me to imagine Father and Son giving birth to this idea of radical reconciliation only brings tears of unworthiness. I call that giving and sacrificing to a degree that no human could ever fathom the idea of accomplishing.
But, there’s a silver lining for our frail and selfish hearts to cling to. If we allow our hearts to fall deeply in love with the One who so passionately loves our souls, then we too can constrain ourselves to Him. We find unfathomable joy in serving the Lord who rejoices over us with singing and quiets us with His love. (Zephaniah 3:17)
And in the end, it becomes a sacrifice of our concept of freedom that brings a freedom that is immeasurable on earth. A freedom that consists of broken bondage; rejoicing that the old is gone and the new has come. (2 Corinthians 5:17) A freedom that shouts from the mountaintops, ‘I am my Beloved, and my Beloved is mine.” A freedom that comes from the knowledge that we are not here by accident, and we are not His by accident. And a freedom that tells our very hearts and souls, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Galatians 2:20)
“Either way, Christ's love controls us. Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life.”
“For the love of the Christ constrains us, having judged this: that one died for all, then all have died;”
…and he died for all, that they who live should no longer live to themselves, but to him who died for them and has been raised. (2 Corinthians 5:14-15
Tuesday, February 01, 2011
A letter to my daughter
I’ve wanted to sit down and write this letter for a while. It crosses my mind when you leave for school, or when you go downstairs to your room after talking with me. I think about it when I see you on stage, or when you’re laughing and having fun with your friends; whispering and making faces at each other.
I never wrote it because part of me didn’t want to. And it’s that part of me that needs to talk to you. The part of me that aches and yearns for something different. It’s a part that God still needs to heal.
I was always afraid to have a daughter. When you were born, and the doctor told me you were a girl, I was in shock for a few minutes. See, my mother didn’t exactly have the capabilities to raise me as a mother should. She was a single parent, and she was severely depressed for quite a while. I can’t really say we got along well.
As soon as I could, I got out of there. In all those years growing up, I never learned how a mother and daughter should relate to each other. I certainly knew how a dysfunctional relationship worked, but never a real one.
But I didn’t want you to have to suffer the same kind of childhood and adolescence I did. I wanted you to be able to play with friends, ride your bicycle outside, and go to parties and field trips. I was never able to do any of those things. I wanted you to have nice clothes; ones you were proud to wear. I didn’t want you to be ashamed of your outfits like I was. I wanted you to have control of your hair length and what you wore, unlike I had.
And I did my best to give you all of that. Your father and I have worked hard to provide you everything you wanted and needed up to a point. We did not want you spoiled, and I don’t think you are.
Rather, I think you’re an amazing young lady. You’re smart, pretty, funny and I think you have a great future ahead of you. I also think we have a great relationship, most of the time. It’s those little time when I have to hold myself at bay that I wanted to write about.
All of those things I never got to do; never got to wear; never got to feel, those resentments have been bottled up in me since I was a child. I was lonely for most of my life until the later part of high school. I was an outcast; in my boys’ jeans, overly long hair, and shy demeanor. My home life was awful, and I reflected that in my daily life. Because my father threatened to kidnap me when he moved out, my mother became overly protective of me and didn’t let me play outside with other kids, and never really let me out of her sight. I was miserable.
To put it plainly, the little girl in me resents the life you have. It’s my heart as a mother to show you life as it was meant to be in God’s eyes. It’s that little girl that gets upset when she sees you having the life she always wanted to have. Truthfully, she’s jealous when you get to have the fun she should have been having.
None of that is your fault. It’s a regrettable part of my history that I cannot erase. God had a plan to redeem all of this just as He is able to redeem all things in Him. He’s using some of it now, helping troubled teens find Jesus and turn to Him while they’re still young.
I want you to know that I am working on it. I am living proof of a completely broken life that Jesus is in the process of redeeming and restoring. He does make all things new, I know that.
And I am praying. I am praying that Jesus would continue to comfort that little girl who wishes her life was more like yours. I’m praying that He continues to show me that the sins of the past stop at this generation. I’m praying that because of Him, you don’t need to go the long way around like I did.
Know also that I am working to pray when I feel those certain feelings pop up. My worst fear would be that you feel anything like I did growing up. The good news is that you already know you’re a princess of the King.
But Jesus said, "Let the children come to me. Don't stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these." – Matthew 19.14
“I have written to you, children, because you have known the Father. I have written to you who are mature because you know Christ, the one who is from the beginning. I have written to you who are young because you are strong with God's word living in your hearts, and you have won your battle with Satan.” – 1 John 2.14
So you should not be like cowering, fearful slaves. You should behave instead like God's very own children, adopted into his family -- calling him "Father, dear Father." – Romans 8.15
And the one sitting on the throne said, “Look, I am making everything new!” And then he said to me, “Write this down, for what I tell you is trustworthy and true.”
I’ve wanted to sit down and write this letter for a while. It crosses my mind when you leave for school, or when you go downstairs to your room after talking with me. I think about it when I see you on stage, or when you’re laughing and having fun with your friends; whispering and making faces at each other.
I never wrote it because part of me didn’t want to. And it’s that part of me that needs to talk to you. The part of me that aches and yearns for something different. It’s a part that God still needs to heal.
I was always afraid to have a daughter. When you were born, and the doctor told me you were a girl, I was in shock for a few minutes. See, my mother didn’t exactly have the capabilities to raise me as a mother should. She was a single parent, and she was severely depressed for quite a while. I can’t really say we got along well.
As soon as I could, I got out of there. In all those years growing up, I never learned how a mother and daughter should relate to each other. I certainly knew how a dysfunctional relationship worked, but never a real one.
But I didn’t want you to have to suffer the same kind of childhood and adolescence I did. I wanted you to be able to play with friends, ride your bicycle outside, and go to parties and field trips. I was never able to do any of those things. I wanted you to have nice clothes; ones you were proud to wear. I didn’t want you to be ashamed of your outfits like I was. I wanted you to have control of your hair length and what you wore, unlike I had.
And I did my best to give you all of that. Your father and I have worked hard to provide you everything you wanted and needed up to a point. We did not want you spoiled, and I don’t think you are.
Rather, I think you’re an amazing young lady. You’re smart, pretty, funny and I think you have a great future ahead of you. I also think we have a great relationship, most of the time. It’s those little time when I have to hold myself at bay that I wanted to write about.
All of those things I never got to do; never got to wear; never got to feel, those resentments have been bottled up in me since I was a child. I was lonely for most of my life until the later part of high school. I was an outcast; in my boys’ jeans, overly long hair, and shy demeanor. My home life was awful, and I reflected that in my daily life. Because my father threatened to kidnap me when he moved out, my mother became overly protective of me and didn’t let me play outside with other kids, and never really let me out of her sight. I was miserable.
To put it plainly, the little girl in me resents the life you have. It’s my heart as a mother to show you life as it was meant to be in God’s eyes. It’s that little girl that gets upset when she sees you having the life she always wanted to have. Truthfully, she’s jealous when you get to have the fun she should have been having.
None of that is your fault. It’s a regrettable part of my history that I cannot erase. God had a plan to redeem all of this just as He is able to redeem all things in Him. He’s using some of it now, helping troubled teens find Jesus and turn to Him while they’re still young.
I want you to know that I am working on it. I am living proof of a completely broken life that Jesus is in the process of redeeming and restoring. He does make all things new, I know that.
And I am praying. I am praying that Jesus would continue to comfort that little girl who wishes her life was more like yours. I’m praying that He continues to show me that the sins of the past stop at this generation. I’m praying that because of Him, you don’t need to go the long way around like I did.
Know also that I am working to pray when I feel those certain feelings pop up. My worst fear would be that you feel anything like I did growing up. The good news is that you already know you’re a princess of the King.
But Jesus said, "Let the children come to me. Don't stop them! For the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these." – Matthew 19.14
“I have written to you, children, because you have known the Father. I have written to you who are mature because you know Christ, the one who is from the beginning. I have written to you who are young because you are strong with God's word living in your hearts, and you have won your battle with Satan.” – 1 John 2.14
So you should not be like cowering, fearful slaves. You should behave instead like God's very own children, adopted into his family -- calling him "Father, dear Father." – Romans 8.15
And the one sitting on the throne said, “Look, I am making everything new!” And then he said to me, “Write this down, for what I tell you is trustworthy and true.”
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